C's Inner Monologue

Wallowing

2009-04-20T13:54:00.003-04:00

So, last post March 4th. Huh. I have no good reason to have been neglecting my poor little blog. I just can't seem to get myself out of this weird funk. It's been making me pretty crazy and unfun to be around and it's just too much. I'm just tired of thinking about it, feeling sad, rehashing everything in my mind, bursting into tears at nothing, eating too much, eating too little, sleeping all day, staring at the ceiling all night, etc. The Captain has been great about letting me dissolve into a puddle of emotions but also not letting me feel sorry for myself.

The most frustrating thing about it all is I really don't have anything to feel that bad about. I really don't like my job but I do have a job. And if I'm completely honest with myself I kind of don't want to find something I love here. I just cannot feel settled in Wilmington. I have made friends. Some really fun, amazing women who call me and meet me for drinks when I can't take the daily grind anymore. But I don't want to be that "debbie downer" whose always complaining so I haven't completely opened up to them.

I do like the area, except for the horrible traffic and lack of good Indian food. My house is starting to shape up and if you squint your eyes the yard is actually pretty with all the azaleas blooming (as much as I LOVE this warmer weather my allergies are making me physically crazy with the itchy eyes. Every morning I have to decide if I want the fuzzy medicine head or the sneezy red eyes.) I kept telling myself it was the cold weather and the dark days. But it's been warm here for weeks and I can't shake this disconnect in my brain.

A couple weekends ago the Captain and I took a road trip (yay!) and I started talking about the Big Thing that's been on my mind. I wanted to tell him how important it was without making him feel like the bad guy. I wanted to let him know I understood his point of view but not back down. I also wanted to ask some questions that I have been scared to get the answers to. So we talked and I cried and I listened. We didn't clear anything up but I asked the scary questions and I think I got my point across. I didn't get my way but at least I feel like we're making progress.

Last weekend, the Captain got me this

But sparkly purple (and the girl's size because apparently I am the shortest person ever to ride a bike). It's so fancy and I tool around the neighborhood with the wind in my hair. It's a step in the right direction.

On Friday I have a semi job interview on Friday. I say semi because they're not hiring right now but it's my dream job so I'm trying to get myself in there now before they add more people. And of course I'm kind of freaking out about that because I can't do anything small and taking this job would mean moving.....again.....in less than a year. At least it would still be in state so that's good, right? RIGHT? Let's say yes and consider it closed.

I can't guarantee I won't disappear again but I'm going to try really hard to use this blog as a place to record the good things going on in my life like a great haircut or 1/2 price sushi or a boozy Bunko night. Because this black cloud, I'd rather forget.

Ok, Yes, I Cried

2009-03-04T07:29:00.002-05:00

I'm going to bare my soul here internet and let you in on my secret shame.
I'm a crier.
Big time.
I'm one of those annoying women who cries not only when she's sad but also frustrated, angry, happy, emotional, etc. It's super weird because my parents (although loving, wonderful people) do not show emotion. My dad is an army brat and raised on bases by a very military family. My mom's parents are very dramatic and emotions ran high in their house growing up causing scariness like mental breakdowns, physical fights, etc. They keep their emotions internal and I think I seen them cry maybe twice my whole life. My sisters and I on the other hand, cry at the drop of a hat. My youngest sister even cries while laughing.

The Captain has come to learn that tears don't always equal sadness and has learned to just let me cry at stupid commercials, movies, cards, whatever. Can I just say? I sobbed at Wall-E. I have to rewatch the movie since the entire last 20 minutes were just a blurry, tear filled screen.

So when I had a show on the DVR that I knew would make me cry I waited till he went out with friends last night. Got my tissues ready, and pushed play on The Girls Next Door season finale.

Lame!

In my defense, they were all leaving and crying and I kind of love that show and will probably watch Kendra's show on E. Seriously internet, I'm a huge dork.

Finally Motivated

2009-03-03T14:37:00.002-05:00

Last night I'd had enough of sitting around. When I got back from the gym I got the excellent news that the people buying our couch were coming to get it that night! We got the Captain's parent's old super comfy sectional when they moved to a smaller house. It was huge and weirdly brown/pink plaid but we loved it. We could both completely stretch out and there was room for kitties and blankets and books and whatever else we vegged out with. But again, huge. We specifically had to look for houses with big family rooms-huge. Our current house has a long narrow family room and eventually I got tired of having to walk sideways by the couch with a basket of clean clothes, cleaning supplies, christmas decorations, etc.

So we used the magic of Craigslist to find a loving home for our beloved sectional. Last night it moved to it's new house and we moved a recliner and a smaller couch in it's place. I can't believe how big the room looks now. Of course the cats immediately claimed the chair for themselves so once again, the Captain and I are squeezed onto a smaller couch.

Then (I know! Two activities in one night!) with our couch money burning a hole in our pockets we FINALLY went to the cell phone store and got our phones upgraded. The Captain hates cell phones and only uses his for emergencies, and I really liked my original phone so we never upgraded. Four years later, we decided it was time. We both got plain, no frills flip-phones (although mine plays music) AND The Captain decided we could spring for a cheap texting package. I feel so fancy! And behind the times. But mostly fancy.

Tonight when I get home I can walk by my couch with my arms spread wide and text someone. It's a wild party life I lead here people.

Me-Shape Imprint on the Couch

2009-03-02T11:20:00.003-05:00

What's been going on Internet? What's up with me? Nothing. No seriously, absolutely nothing. Hence the lack of posts. I couldn't even think of some random weather related comment. Oh, here's one: Winter can kiss my ass.
The end.

It's been stupidly boring and I can't seem to motivate myself to make anything happen. The Captain got two bad illnesses two weeks in a row so the end of February (including his b-day) was mostly me working, taking him to the doctor, checking on him, giving him ear drops, going to the pharmacy, etc. I know no one wanted to read an exciting post about doctor's waiting rooms. Luckily he's all better now.

Then the weather decided to sink me even further into the end of winter blahs by making three days straight of hard rain. So another weekend was spent shivering under a blanket watching trash TV and playing Hidden Object games.

I did cook two new dishes last week which turned out pretty well. The Captain was too sick for a birthday dinner so I made chicken and pasta with a super rich and garlicky sauce on the side. He ate it and I OD'd on garlic and it was good. I also tried BBQ chicken calzones using pizza dough as a cheat. The sauce was overwhelming so next time I think I'll halve it.

Otherwise, not much happening. We're traveling next weekend and the 19th so hopefully I'll have some funny/interesting stories soon. Stay Tuned!

Saturday

2009-02-17T12:43:00.003-05:00

Hey blog peeps! I've been neglecting you again but really I haven't been inspired to write. Since I'm not a great writer anyway when I try to force a post it comes out plodding and boring with no real point. So really it's not laziness, I'm saving you the trouble of reading something bad, or something.

The Captain and I are not really Valentine's Day people. There's nothing wrong with people who go all out and gift gifts or flowers or anything else. It just isn't that important to either of us. We'd rather go all out on our birthdays or anniversary. The Captain is an excellent gift giver and I'm always happy with what he gets me on our "special days". Last anniversary I got a pair of fantastic diamond and emerald earrings he designed to match my engagement ring (which he also designed). So on Saturday we slept late, exchanged cards (his funny and mine sweet) and ate Bojangles for lunch. I went to the gym and we had some errands to run. We've been looking at moving to a different place so we wanted to check out some apartments. No cupids or hearts or flowers. Just us.

It was really nice. Besides a quick trip to the hospital to see The Captain's grandmother (she's ok now) it was just the two of us, hanging out together. As cheesy as it sounds, he really is my best friend and my perfect day are always with him.

Wordy Wednesday-Butter Edition

2009-02-11T14:36:00.002-05:00

Biographies are one of my favorite types of book but I tend to read a million of them and then fade out for a couple months. Maybe it's a voyeristic nature or maybe I just love gossip but I get kick out of reading the details of these seemingly larger-than-life celebrities.

Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell
What I thought: Yum, and yuck.
After hearing about this book several different places I finally remembered to put a hold on it at the library. I sped through it in several days because of the easy writing style and episodic chapters that allowed me to pick it back up without having to reread several pages. I fell in love with Julie and her huge task of making all 524 receipes from Julia Child's most famous cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year. Julie orginally wrote a blog about her journey but instead of printing out the blog and binding it, the editor allowed Julie to talk more about her family, friends and crazy job while quoting from certain blog passages. I admit to being more than a little sick when reading about extracting marrow from a bone or eating brains but cheered along with her after her sucessful boning of a duck. I highly recommend it for two reasons. It made me want to cook and I want to know more about Julie.

Julia Child by Laurie Shapiro
What I thought: I had no idea!
I actually read this a while ago at the begining of my chef biography period. Julia Child facinates me because she was so larger than life. This woman, in the 1940's, was a spy during WWII, married late in life to her soulmate Paul, was one of the first women to study at the famous Cordon Bleu in Paris and created a cooking empire. Laurie abviously cares about her subject but doesn't shy away from the bad sides of Julia's personality. This is a great way to learn more about an amazing woman.

Who Knows and Who's Just Talking?

2009-02-10T11:22:00.004-05:00

With 4 strong willed women in my house growing up there was a lot of talking and even more opinions. It drove my scientist dad CRAZY whenever we would just start answering questions without having any knowledge of the subject (besides what we made up in our minds). This phrase was commonly used to cut through the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter.

I find myself using it more and more in my adult life. Especially during this past election year when the muck-raking (or is it mud raking?) was going full force and there were daily "scandals" showing just how terrible one politician was because they did/associated with/gave money to "X". I assure you I was not an very informed voter and usually didn't know the details behind the daily drama. Whenever a friend or stranger tried to fill me in on the "truth" of the matter that little phrase repeated in my head. Even now during this historic administrations first month there are always people who know the truth. And even when I agree with them I force myself to remember "Who knows, and who's just talking?" More often it's the latter than the former.

And in the worse segue ever, I do KNOW that Circa 1922 is now one my new favorite restaurants. The menu is different without being pretentious, they have a wide range of options and their portion size is perfect. Oh yes, this will be my new "special occasion" restaurant.

After reading over this post I also now KNOW that I use way too many quotation marks. "See?" "Great!"Now I can't "Stop" "Help!"

Mission Accomplished!

2009-02-09T11:45:00.002-05:00

I left the house several times this weekend! Yay! Go me!

We had amazingly beautiful weather and I'm finally feeling better so I had several big adventures. Recently I reconnected with a friend from college who lives in my town. We met for lunch at a food Co-op but they don't have an official cafe. We were going to just get sandwiches and drinks to eat outside but they were organizing a protest and we felt like jerks just sitting there so we went to Panera instead. I know, it's terrible.

Sunday we went to the Chocolate Festival put on by the big senior center in the county. It was fun and we ate lots of samples and bought some raffle tickets. Then we worked off about 1/8th of the calories by dragging heavy branches and bushes to the curb. (And of course when I say "we" I mean I ate most of the chocolate and The Captain did most of the work).

Tonight I've got dinner at a yummy restaurant with friends and the high is supposed to be 65.
Awesome.

Wordy Wednesday-Friday Edition

2009-02-06T07:29:00.003-05:00

Yep, so I blew it 4 weeks in. Really it was for your own good. No one wanted to read yet another whiny post about how sick I was. I survived most of the day Wednesday at work mostly by taking 1 minute naps at my desk. Several times I woke myself up snoring, I'm klassy like that.

BUT I'm feeling better, we're supposed to get some warmer weather this weekend, I've got plans for lunch AND I'm going to a chocolate festival this weekend so all it right with the world. I also discovered the secret for picking out cute outfits. Take a strong cough syrup then wake up several times a night for about a week. Somewhere in the haze your brain will put together pieces in your wardrobe that actually look good. I wore a sweater yesterday I haven't touched all winter because I couldn't figure out what shirt to wear with it. Thanks codine cough syrup!

Last night The Captain made dinner for the first time almost completely by himself and it was awesome! Of course he's cooked a frozen pizza or made some noodles but this was a whole meal. We had ground chicken burritos, spicy refried beans, rice and tortillas. He did ask me to supervise but I am terrible at explaining why I do certain things. Like cutting up the meat as you brown it. I just know it's easier.

Here is my half assed Wordy Wednesday:
The Curious Incident of a Dog in Night-Time by Mark Haddon
For full disclosure I read this as part of the January discussion on Very Bookish. It was one that had been on my list for forever but I'd passed over for fluffier Lisa Jewell or Marion Keyes books. I was turned off by the back cover blurb but it was amazing. It's written from the point of view of an autistic boy so everything is filtered through his logical but emotionally void mind. Read the comments on Very bookish for more insightful comments. Just know that I really enjoyed it and would read it again.

Not Dead Yet

2009-02-02T13:12:00.002-05:00

This weekend I...well, let's see...there was...no, not that..maybe...nope, well, hmmm. Ah yes, now I remember. I spend the entire weekend breathing through my mouth and drinking cup after cup of hot tea to soothe my firey throat. Oh yes my friends, I have caught another cold bringing the grand total to 2,456,965 (with rounding). Seriously 2009, enough with the head colds. I've been buying kleenex by the case and I'm sure my neighbors have seen me stumble outside in slippers and pj's often enough to consider calling the police. And my great "work-out 3 times a week" plan? Yeah, not going so well considering walking from my couch to the stove makes me want to take a nap.

I've tried everything, taken airborne, vitamin C, drank gallons of OJ, washed my hands, etc and I still keep getting infected. I took some old perscription cough medicine last night to help me sleep and man that stuff is strong. I felt drunk the first half of the day which I guess is better than feeling like I got hit by a truck. I am also declaring a red and peeling nose the must-have accessory for January. It goes so well with the bags under my eyes. I am a vision of lovelyness.

My goals for next weekend are: 1. Don't have a cold and 2. Leave the house.
It's ambitious but I think I can handle it.

Wordy Wednesday

2009-01-28T10:02:00.003-05:00

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
Overall Impression: I had no idea...
I love historical fiction and this was everything I wanted in a book and more. Set in England just after WWII this book is told through a series of letters. The characters are so real without being sterotyped and the situations they lived through completely shocked me. It's a perfect combination of realism and the humor we use to get through the hard times.
Would I Read it Again: Yes, I may even buy this one.

Girls In Trucks by Katie Crouch
Overall Impression: Sterotypical helpless Southern female
So I totally know where Katie Crouch wanted to take this. But it just seemed to fall a little short. It follows the teen and young adult years of a Southern woman. I appreciate that she has flaws but her total helplessness wore me down. I had a hard time feeling sorry for her after her one millionth self defeating decision. I would totally read another book by her but I did not love this one.
Would I Read it Again: No

Lazy Sunday

2009-01-25T12:48:00.003-05:00

Wordy Wednesday

2009-01-21T17:46:00.001-05:00

Look, I'm keeping it up!

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
Overall Impression: Oh my god (but in a good way)
So this is my book club book this month and, wow. I was hesitant to read it but once I started this monster I could NOT put it down. It's about a family going through the illness of a child and how it effects everyone. Jodi Picoult wrote from everyone's perspective from a 40 something mother to a 16 year old boy. The book really made me grateful for my families health but also questions just how strong I would be in a crisis. I highly recommend it.
Would I read it again: Yes, no question. I just have to be in the right mood to read a very emotional book.

A Boy Named Shel by Lisa Rogak
Overall Impression: I am so ignorant sometimes
So some of my favorite books growing up were A Light in the Attic and Where the Sidewalk Ends. I had NO idea how much other Shel Silverstein created. He got his start drawing cartoons for the army which turned into drawing cartoons for Playboy. He lived in the original Chicago mansion and was friends with Hef his whole life. He wrote country, pop and folk songs, plays, short stories, more cartoons along with his other children's books including The Giving Tree. He was hard working and a genius. I loved learning more about him.
Would I read it again: Maybe. I didn't love the author's style but I would read more bios of him.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2009-01-21T07:29:00.002-05:00

*Fair Warning: Title is my extra cliche'd way of tying together 3 completely unrelated thoughts*

The Good:
The inauguration was amazing. I watched CNN.com all morning and then listened to public radio the rest of the day (nerd alert!). I am completely caught up in all the hopefulness and joy this new president inspires in people. I shed some tears and clapped when the oath was official. I got chills during the speech. I am ready to work hard and make this country great again.

Also, I am still surprised at the ignorance of a small but vocal section of the country. I've done my share of trash talking but I have always directed it to specific actions (ie the poor handling of international politics) NOT a person's physical characteristics. This part isn't good but I had to mention it because it makes me crazy!

The Bad:
I made applesauce last night in an attempt to use up the nasty red apples that came in various fruit baskets we got over the holidays. It was surprisingly easy and delicious. The bad was after I put it in the blender to get rid of the last chunks. Instead of lifting the whole pitcher out and pouring it easily into the gladware, I somehow unscrewed only the glass part and the applesauce flowed lava-like onto the blender and counter. Luckily I had just cleaned the counters so I just scraped it all into the container and hoped for the best.

The Ugly:
After 4 months of excuses I finally bit the bullet and joined a gym again. I really enjoyed it in Cincy but due to lack of money and extra laziness I never got back in to it. So last night I sweated my way through an embarrasingly short workout. Ugh, thank godness I am not trying to pick any guys up. I don't think the bright red face, sweating and panting look is hot right now.

Is It Just Me?

2009-01-19T11:11:00.002-05:00

Why is it that traveling over the weekend always wears me out? We had a super fun weekend with some friends of ours from college but it was more a "drink some wine, play cards and talk" fun rather than "get crazy drunk-stay up late" fun. We were more casual partly because they live in the sticks (their house is beautiful but seriously 20 miles from ANYWHERE), partly because they have a 6 month old baby (squee!!) and partly because we are officially old.

On the drive home yesterday in the driving rain I was getting super sleepy. The Captain and I spent the entire evening catching up on TV shows instead of getting ready for the week. Don't get me wrong, it was one of the most fun weekends I've had in ages, but man, it wore me out.

I'm blaming the tiredness on the fact that I am wearing a stained shirt at work. I'm so horrified I will probably go out and lunch and buy a new shirt. I have no idea how I missed the big drops of coffee (?) all down the arm but it looks very fancy with my short sleeve sweater. Everytime I type (almost all day) I see those gross brown stains staring at me. How embarassing.

Wordy Wednesday-Inagural Edition

2009-01-15T08:19:00.002-05:00

*Just pretend this was posted yesterday to make the title work*

In an effort to get out of this blogging slump/writers block that I seem to have, I'm trying to have an unofficial theme of the day. I know, what a nerd. Let me push up my coke bottle glasses with the tape and shock everyone with the news that I love to read. I read every night before bed and a lot of times at lunch and weekend mornings and while I'm waiting in line and...you get the point. So my plan in to review whatever books I'm reading. I warn you I read a lot of trash (chick-lit, paperback mysteries) but I try to stretch myself sometimes. If this if fun and I don't forget I'll try to make it a weekly thing. Of course I love to hear book suggestions too so comment away!

The Thin Place by Kathryn Davis
Overall Impression: What?
This was a short book and I had read some reviews so it seemed like a good holiday read. I finished this book feeling like I had missed about 4 crucial chapters. I love that each chapter is told from a different character's point of view (even dogs) but the story felt really disjointed and I never really got the point. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt that I just missed some deeper meaning.
Would I read it again: No

The Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chavalier
Overall Impression: Wow.
Again, a short paperback. I got this at my bookclub's holiday book swap and it got lots of positive reviews. I really enjoyed all parts of this book. It was an amazing glimpse into a short part of one girl's life. The historical descriptions of the city, house and clothes made this even better. Also, the social stigma of going from daughter of respected artisan to daughter of poor artisan to servant to the next stage of her life (I won't spoil it) makes me glad to live where and when I do.
Would I read it again: Yes

Village Affairs by Cassandra Chan
Overall Impression: fun and cute, if you like English mystery novels a la Dorothy Sayers, you will like this
I warned you that I read fluff and this is fluff at it's finest. As a anglophile I loved the descriptions of the country side, village church and local pubs along with the admittedly sterotypical characters. The mystery was intriguing without being impossible to solve and kept my interest.
Would I read it again: Yes, once enough time has passed for me to forget "who dunnit"

New Start, New Year

2009-01-07T11:45:00.002-05:00

So um yeah, I've been away for a long time now. I was kind of holiday crazy, out of the groove of blogging, out of town every weekend. But also, now that's it's been a year, I've been trying to figure out what I want from this little blog. When I started last January it was because I'd been reading so many great blogs and wanted to be part of the mysterious "blog-o-sphere". Also, the Captain was many states away and I wanted to keep him up to date on my daily boring minutia. Now that I can tell him my long boring stories over dinner I'm less inclined to do the type-y thing every day.

I also didn't really put my blog out there for everyone so I don't have a lot of readers (I think). Now I won't lie, I sometimes wish I got more comments. But on the other hand I'm super bad about lurking and get performance anxiety when commenting that it will be lame, a repeat of what everyone else said, etc. Also, I'm horrible about remembering to email people back.

So I've been debating about telling people about this blog in real life. Not that I'm not proud of it, but it would change the "diaryness" of the blog and make it more about entertaining people. I love getting compliments but I feel like I would lose the "inner" of the inner monologue. Being able to work through my depression earlier this year was amazing. If I knew my mom (and horror of horrors, my in-laws) read this I know I would censor myself.

So to make a long and boring story (don't you feel sorry for the Captain now) shorter, I've just been thinking. I've sent the link to my sisters who I know won't judge. And some friends who also have blogs. But I think that will be all for right now. I'm also going to try to be a much better commenter on the blogs I read.

For right now, this blog will keep being my "Secret Public Journal" (title totally stolen from Mike Birbiglia).

I will not stress about posting every day but I will enjoy the only truly creative outlet in my life. I will not stress about the mediocre writing, spelling and grammer mistakes but keep believing that practice make perfect, or better at least.
I will add some damn pictures already!
I will comment more on other blogs, thanking the people for making me laugh or think about the world

And since I am constantly changing my mind this may all change next week. And I'm ok with that.

5 Things Making Me Happy Today

2008-11-20T10:14:00.002-05:00

Hi internet! This has been a really good week for really no reason at all. Since I spend the majority of my time complaining I figured I should balance out my karma with some goodwill.

1. The sun is shining. It's still cold, but warmer than yesterday. The sky is a beautiful blue with no gray clouds threatening rain.

2. I work close enough to Captain Awesome that we can have lunch together. There's nothing that perks me up more than an hour with my handsome BFF. An hour of laughing and a hot sandwich is a good thing. And you should see how cute he looks in a toboggan.

3. It's almost the holidays! As stressed and cranky as I act, I really love Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am able to relax, take time off work, shop, EAT and spend time with my two families. Although we're scaling back our gifts this year due to the economy, I still can't wait to decorate.

4. I had two really fun girl's nights this week. One was a group of women who like to eat and hang out so we ate a delicious meal (with dessert) and met some new friends. Including one woman who moved from Vermont to here as a challenge to herself. She doesn't know anyone here but she wanted to shake her life up a little. Now that's bravery.
I also had a book club meeting and I had picked the book. It's always a little scary doing that since you want everyone else to like it. They did and the food was amazing. Yum, hummus and falafal.

5. Tonight I don't have plans so the Captain and I are cooking and snuggling in to catch up on the TiVo and each other's lives.

What's making you happy today?

Bragging?

2008-11-19T08:23:00.003-05:00

It's cold here. I know some of you poor souls in the North have been cold for months and now have snow. But we just dropped below freezing and I'm not adjusted yet. That's why I live in the South. After sprinting from my car to the building, wrapped in my coat, scarf and gloves with my mug of hot chocolate, another employee and I were commenting on the cold. He turns to me and says with a straight face "Well I don't turn my heat on until January so I'm used to the cold."

I think I just stared, slack-jawed at him. Had this been someone I knew better (or really even liked at all) I would have laughed. People, I know it's a tough economic times. I know we're tightening belts and all that. But living with no heat? That's like camping to me. Why not just save money by selling your house and buy a fancy four room LL Bean tent. He explained that he just wears a lot of layers in the house and sleeps with 4 (!) blankets on his bed. And yes, he has room mates, who I guess have gone along with this "wilderness adventure" plan.

Now I understand there are truely needy people, even in my town, who can't afford heat. I understand that when choosing between comfort and eating, they choose food. But when you have a job, own a house, and have roommates to help pay 1/2 the bills, why no heat? I just can't wrap my mind around this. Also, I have made a big mental note to NEVER visit him without my parka and long johns. Weird.

Domestic Goddess

2008-11-18T08:36:00.002-05:00

Yep, still no DC update. But listen to how house-wifey I was last night! On Sunday Captain Awesome and his dad chain sawed down 4 HUGE (and hideous) bushes around our house. They were working really hard and the piles of branches and leaves are taller than me. I was busy lounging under a blanket and eating some pretzels with Nutella. I felt kind of guilty but not enough to actually get up.

So last night I got home earlier than I expected and I decided to try and be helpful. I raked 1/2 the front yard and picked up an entire trash can full of pinecones, sticks, bark, etc. Then I made white chicken chili (from scratch) and cheddar biscuits (from a bag-love me some Bisquick) so that when the Captain got home, dinner was ready and waiting. The chili was a little spicier than I planned but it was perfect for a blustery night. We ate and watched some TV while I put some CD's on my iPod.
**Big Thank You to my baby sis who patiently answered my stupid questions like "how do I turn this thing on?". Even though she sprained her ankle and was just trying to relax.**

Yesterday, the Baking Blonde put up a recipe for Chewy Ginger Cookies with Cinnamon Chips. Two of the Captain's favorite dessert ingredients are ginger and cinnamon so I just had to try them. For some reason no grocery in my town stocks the cinnamon chips but in my usual cooking style I just threw some extra stuff in and hoped for the best. They were AWESOME and everything I wanted for a blah Monday night.

So when do I get my tiara and golden apron?

Sugar and Spice Vs Snips and Snails

2008-11-14T08:06:00.002-05:00

Growing up in a house with 4 females and 2 males I have a very woman-centric point of view. My dad and brother were nice (or smart) enough to let us do most of the talking. As a confirmed girly-girl I was never around that many boys growing up. After marrying the Captain I am constantly surprised by all the "Guy Stuff" I was never privy to. There are rules about where to stand in the men's room. (Always leave a space and no talking-even when washing hands) There are drinking guidelines, driving rules. There is a whole noogie, dead-leg, tortoure-in-the-name-of-fun culture I was completely oblivious to. I mean, I saw boys playing pencil wars on the bus in elementary school but I never realized how serious it was. Also, I was probably too self absorbed trying to find the best seat to think about it. Every conversation I have with the Captain reveals a little more about this testoterone fueled childhood that I guess everyone else was aware of.

Of course that means he is forced to hear interested (read: boring) stories about a fight started by one friend not sharing her candy on the bus or the great "silent treatement of 87". Hearing all these stories of the psychological torture we as females put each other through, I think he's glad he got away with a punch in the arm and an Indian burn.

Hitting the Spot

2008-11-13T14:54:00.002-05:00

Whew! The last three weeks have been a whirlwind of parties, traveling, working, eating, being with friends and enjoying myself. Sorry blog friends.

You know how sometimes you'll have a desire or craving for something but you can't always have it? As a dessert freak, sometimes I'll crave a delicious piece of chocolate cake or ice cream. I'll go out, get said sugary treat, and when I sit down to eat it, it's just not as good. (Did you like how many commas I just used?) The anticipation just can't match the real thing. I think the same applies to Senior prom, New Year's Eve and Graduation Day. You're under so much pressure to HAVE FUN that you just can't match up the movie-like image that you've created for yourself.

But sometimes, if you're lucky, you'll find an amazing pumpkin cookie receipe that satisfies your sweet tooth. Or a handsome man with champagne and a funny movie that helps cuddle the New Year in. That satisfaction keeps us going through the let downs or dry chocolate cakes in life.

Last weekend was one of my best "hitting the spot" moments. My two sisters and I went to Washington DC for my sister A's birthday. We laughed the entire car ride up, met some crazy people, tried new food and drinks, acted like tourists and then laughed some more. It was perfect. I've been feeling so disconnected ever since the move in June, it was amazing to be able to sit around with the people who I've laughed with, fought with, cried with and loved my entire life and just be me. I came home with aching legs, a suitcase full of clothes I didn't wear and memories.
Also, to dinner and a clean house, great job Captain Awesome!!!

The weekend was better than a million pieces of chocolate cake.

I have been working on a full post with pictures of us being goons and yes, eating cake, that I will someday get posted.

One of the Downsides of Working with All Men

2008-10-29T08:30:00.001-04:00

I got my hair highlighted yesterday for the first time since I've worked here. I think it looks really different. I haven't gotten one comment on it. Does that mean they don't like it? Am I reading too much into the silence? How much credit should I give the male mind?

PS. I love it.

Space Filler

2008-10-28T08:48:00.002-04:00

I actually have tons to write about but of course, now that I'm busy I have no time to blog. I promise a weekend update soon but until then I'm borrowing this fun survey from Erin

A Little About Us-The basic facts:

Who is your significant other? Captain Awesome aka Adam

How long have you been together? We started dating in 1999 but have been married since 2002

Dating/Engaged/Married? Married

How old is your S.O.? 28 (pushing 30 as he likes to say)

What’s his/her middle name? Joseph

Who eats more? He eats bigger portions than me. In fact I usually order something I know he likes at a restaurant so he can help me finish it. But I eat more dessert than he does.

Who says “I love you” first? The first time, I don't really know. But we used to IM a lot so it was probably an IM "I love you"

Who weighs more? Captain Awesome

Who sings better? Hmm, I like to think I have a good voice but the Captain loves to make up songs about whatever we're doing. So his songs are funnier.

Who’s older? The Captain by 3 months and 2 days

Who’s smarter? The Captain, no question. Although sometimes I can pull some useless knowledge out of nowhere. And I know more about cooking.

Whose temper is worse? Probably me. But we take turns being in bad moods.

Who does the laundry? Me, it's one of the few chores I enjoy, plus I hate the way The Captain folds clothes.

Who does the dishes? Whoever doesn't cook. Since I cook more, he does more dishes.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me, but we switch sides depending on the room since I don't sleep closest to the door.

Whose feet are bigger? The Captain, size 12 wide. Sneakers are made for my hubby.

Whose hair is longer? Mine. The Captain cuts his own hair with clippers. But his grows faster.

Who’s better with the computer? The Captain knows more about fixing stuff so I guess him.

Who mows the lawn? Now that we have a riding lawn mower with a cup holder, he does.

Who pays the bills? He does. When we got married I asked him to take on that chore and it kind of stuck.

Who cooks dinner? We try to cook together but I'm usually the main chef. We plan our meals together so we both know what's coming up. Then it's a matter of who wants to and who's lazier.

Who drives when you are together? The Captain claims he can't get comfortable when he's not driving and since he usually knows where he's going it works out. That means I get to DJ!

Who pays when you go out to dinner? Since we have joint accounts it doesn't really matter but the waiter usually hands him the check.

Who’s the most stubborn? Me, no question. The Captain is pretty easy going but if he does have an opinion he can be pretty hard headed. I remembering one time he threatened to sleep on the floor since I wouldn't do what he wanted.

Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? Neither of us!

Whose parents do you see more? His because we live in the same town. We see mine about once a month.

Who named your cats? Our first cat (Kitty Boy) The Captain named. Our second cat came with the name Swiss but she has A LOT of nicknames (Miss, Missy, Moo, Mooberry Muffin, etc). Our third cat we named together after a road in NC (Zingo) because it fit his crazy personality.

Who kisses who first? I think usually me.

Who asked who out? The Captain called me first but I invited myself over to look at bowling shirts (I know, lame.)

Who’s more sensitive? Me times a million

Who’s taller? He is. I forget how tall he is until I see pictures of us and I look like I'm standing in a hole.

Who has more friends? I'm not sure. He has a big group of friends he doesn't see as much. I have a good group in town.

Who has more siblings? He does, but only by 1. I have two sisters and a brother. He has two half sisters and two half brother.

Who wears the pants in the relationship? We like to say we each wear a leg of the pants. I lead on a lot of the day-to-day stuff and he leads on the bigger long-term stuff. Although I'm bossier.

Is There Such a Thing as Non-Crazy Family

2008-10-17T08:25:00.002-04:00

My extended family is just plain huge. My mom is one of 8 siblings who are all married and most have kids. She has tons of cousins, aunts, in-laws, out-laws, etc. My dad's family is not that big but they're there. On the Captain's side his father's family is also huge. We're surrounded by relatives.

My immediate family is large-ish especially with the Captain and my bro-in-law but we're all pretty close. I talk to my parents a couple times a week. My sisters and I have marathon phone sessions and love to spend time together. I love my brother but we're just not that close. I think part of it was I went to college when he was in middle school so I missed the fun being friends years. Then when I moved back to my home town he was in college and living his life. We're 5 years apart and haven't meshed our lives together. He's a super genius and in a really hard graduate program so I understand he's busy. I know that we'll get to a point in our lives when we will be closer.

My sisters and I are always blown away by how secretive my mom's family is. There is always some gossip or story that we can't tell one or more family member. Just recently her younger sister and only brother had scary health issues. Instead of getting them out in the open and having your family gather around you and support you, they decided to keep it quiet and deal with it privately. These were not little things like a broken finger. These were big ones, including cancer. Of course, being a family (and a gossipy one at that) people are finding out and spreading the story.

This way of handling illness or bad news is making my head explode. Maybe I'm just enough of a drama queen that I would want everyone catering to me and feeling bad for me if I was in trouble. Or maybe, I know that my family would be the ones I would want to lean on when I was facing permanent injury or death. I know my siblings would make me laugh and hold my hair when I puked. I know I could call them any time for advice, to gossip (we're one of those families too) or just to get out some frustrations. We weren't always sunshine and rainbows. We had our fights and hated each other. But I can't imagine keeping big secrets from them. And I hope I never do.

Huh??

2008-10-15T14:33:00.000-04:00

I know I've mentioned before how conservative and, for lack of a better word, redneck my employers are. I don't agree with some of their views on the world and conversation has been tricky around this election but otherwise we co-exist in harmony.

One of the owners is a single guy in his mid to late 30's. He is a huge hunter and has been talking about hunting season for months now. He goes out drinking almost every night with his buddies. They have a group of younger (not gross younger, in their 20's) women who hang out with them for free drinks. His friends come over at closing time any night of the week if they can't drive home since he lives close to their regular bar. Basically he is wilder at 36 than I was at 21.

We were talking about our weekend plans and I mentioned going to the beer fest. It's an afternoon festival at a park where there are bands and beer. Fun but not a wild time. My boss looks me in the eye and says "I'm too old for that wild time." I was so surprised I couldn't think of anything to say. I guess day time drinking is much wilder than night drinking?

Two Weeks in Five Paragraphs

2008-10-14T08:08:00.003-04:00

Hi strangers! Once again I've been neglecting my poor little blog. I wish I could say I've been busy having great adventures but really I just kind of got lost in the real world day to day minutiae.

We had a great time at our friend's wedding and the weekend of being pulled in different directions by our families wasn't as bad as I thought. I know, no one's shocked. I spend a good amount of time with my family and then we got almost everyone together for brunch on Sunday. Five of the Captain's fmily plus three from mine plus us equals a fun brunch. Unfortunately I picked up a cold and Sunday my throat was killing me. I was sick for about 4 days when I couldn't really do anything but blow my nose and attempt to sleep sitting straight up.

I'm still trying to find a job and getting more frustrated by it. I signed up with another temp agency and they've gone MIA on me. I email my contact every week and every week I get a reply that she's "sending out my information" I'm sure the horrible economy isn't helping but come on, I'm educated and young, just give me a chance! I've been filling out applications at the mall to get some extra money for the holidays so hopefully one of those will pan out. And I won't spend all my extra money at the mall. I really can't complain because I do HAVE a job and I have a wonderful husband who supports me.

We've got a couple big things coming up like the Beer festival this weekend. One of the Captain's friends is coming down and we've lined up our driver so we can avoid finding parking. (And avoid a dui) He's a great guy but pretty quiet. He and the Captain will probably do some guy exploring so I won't be "hostessing" all weekend. I've got a new recipe for pumpkin pancakes and plan to dazzle him with my abilities.

The weekend after that is my in-law's 25th anniversary. My sister-in-law and her Grandmother are planning a surprise party for them. My experience in catering and event planning is tripping me up since I feel like they're making some mistakes and making things harder than necessary but I am not in charge. I have offered to help with anything and have not been taken up on it so I'm going to go with the flow if it kills me. I'm very disappointed because I feel like we could make this party great and stay in our limited budget but I'm still the "in-law" and can't really throw my weight around. I've expressed my feelings to the Captain and he agrees with them but all his suggestions have been pushed aside also. I think it will be a last minute scramble but in the end I'm sure my in-laws will not be worried about the fact that there's no glasses for wine and just appreciate the gesture.

All in all I'm still meeting new people here and trying new things. The house is starting to feel like home and I don't get lost every time I leave my house. I've got plans, it's fall and life is pretty good.

A Little Bit of Nothing

2008-09-24T14:54:00.002-04:00

I really wanted to write all last week but I could find a good time to sit down and actually be creative and amusing or even just not boring. I wrote about 14 drafts about my work nemesis who I really dislike (maybe even hate) but it came across as all mean and crabby instead of funny. Also I think he has a slight, miniscule menatal disability and I felt too bad about writing a stupid blog post.

SO, you get a list of all the stuff that's rattling around in my mind. On to the bullet points!!

There are very few Starbucks in Wilmington because right before the Starbucks craze a smart business person started Port City Java which is like Starbucks but locally owned. BUT neither of these fine establishments are anywhere near my work out in the middle of nowhere. I curse not being able to run quickly to get my pumpkin latte. But I think my ass and my wallet and silently glad. Today I shut those bastards up by getting the sickly sweet gas station "cappochino".
I mentioned how unhappy I was with my last haircut and last night I tried somewhere new. I loved the stylist (a "straight" guy) and was happy how he made intelligent suggestions without forcing anything on me. I love the haircut but he cut me some wispy bangs along with my side swept bangs that I don't know about. Also, at the ripe old age of 28 I am pulling more gray hairs than I care to think about. The next person who tells me that redheads don't go gray is getting a kick in the neck.
Three cheers for Fall TV. Blah blah blah going to the beach, spending time gazing into the Captain's eyes, enjoying nature. Bring on Ugly Betty and the Gossip Girl!
I applied with a temp agency since my "temporary" job I took to get me through the summer is slowly sucking the life out of me. Now I'm trying to figure out when to give notice so I have minimum "no job" time.
I'm hosting a surprise anniversary party for my in-laws in October. The house is no where near ready to have 40 people over. I'm slightly freaking out but also reveling in the pressure of a deadline. My list of "must do's" is getting longer and the Captain is getting scared by my casual mention of replacing the countertops and painting every room in the house.
We're going to a wedding in Raleigh this weekend. My in-laws are also going to this wedding. I feel like all weekend I'm going to be pulled between my parents, the in-laws, friends and other obligations. Awesome.
Also at this wedding will be two new babies. I am SO happy for the parents and waiting to have a baby was the smart decision based on our financial situation but I still feel a little sick about it.
I'm finally starting to meet people in Wilmington and have joined a couple "Girls Night Out" groups. We're having dinner on Thursday and in two weeks we're going to see an 80's cover band! Woo Hoo!
IT'S FALL!!!!! Good-bye sweating during my walk from the house to my car, good-bye having to blind people with the whiteness of my legs. Hello pumpkin everything! Hello sweaters! Hello red and gold leaves! Hello cool breezes!

Emergency

2008-09-16T12:07:00.002-04:00

If you've been reading this site for more than a week you know I'm a crazy cat lady. I don't have kids but my kitties are our babies. There were 4 kids in my family so our pets were low key like fish, lizards, hamsters, etc. My mom had enough to deal with and we all have allergies. I didn't discover my love for cats until I was married and The Captain talked me into getting just one. Three cats later I'm hooked.

On Thursday night I noticed my youngest cat (who is usually bouncing off the walls) was pretty lethargic but I didn't really do anything about it. On Friday he didn't meet me at the door and I found him nestled in my sweatshirts on the top shelf of the closet. He didn't eat much Friday. Saturday we were keeping an eye on him but he didn't move from one spot all day. We decided to take him to the emergency vet Saturday night after two days of not eating. Also, he looked weird, if that makes sense.

The Captain was really calm and awesome. He held Zingo in the car, for 45 minutes in the waiting room and then once we finally got to see the doctor. Anyone with cats knows they do not like being held for too long so that was just another confirmation he was sick. The Captain started to get pissed when several dogs were admitted before us. One had a broken leg and one had a bloody ear so we understood they needed to be seen first, but it was still frustrating.

Finally we saw the Doctor and he gave the usual "it could be a virus or he could be dying, it will be 1 million dollars to find out." So we waited some more while we heard Zingo crying while blood was taken and FREAK OUT during the x-ray. After we signed away our first child we got the results of "hmm" They decided he didn't have a UTI which is apparently common for male cats (and fatal). So they tried to give him some fluids since he was dehydrated.

One bite on the hand for a vet tech, one bite on the shoulder for me and no fluids later they sent us home with some antibiotics and a syringe to force feed him water.

I don't know if the virus ran it's course or the antibiotics helped but he is back to his usual chasing, crazy self. And I look like I've been bitten by a very tiny vampire.

Not Making the Connection

2008-09-12T13:12:00.002-04:00

For the last couple days I've had an actual stomach ache. I'm trying to think back to the last time I had a real stomach ache and all I can think of is maybe after gorging myself last Christmas? I mean I get the monthly "scraping of the uterus" pain. I had plenty of the "too much gin/vodka/substitute whatever" sickness but that's not really pain, more just nausea. *Wow this is a classy post* And then there's the intestinal pain that I'm sure other people get but not me, because ladies never have that. Stop laughing Captain Awesome.

But the ache, it just kind of sucks and makes me sit funny. And wear more elastic waist shorts than are ever necessary. I cooked on Wednesday night so I assumed I had somehow managed to poison myself. But last night we had safe boring Turkey Tacos so I've ruled that out. I did cook those but they're so fool proof there's no way to taint them. I haven't had much dairy and I've been drinking water so I'm kind of stumped.

Today my boss decided that he was having hot dogs for lunch and that he would treat the whole office (the other 3 of us) to hot dogs, onion rings, etc. I love hot dogs and I never turn down onion rings so 30 minutes later I was munching on a chili dog with cheese. I think I may have solved the mystery.

Of course it won't stop me from going to the bar tonight. Maybe if I drink lots of beer I can cleanse my system? Of get drunk enough to not notice. Either way, I'll feel better.

Maybe Cheap Clothes ARE the Answer

2008-09-10T15:39:00.001-04:00

Although you'd never know it by my bank balance, I am pretty stingy about spending money on clothes. I spend days drooling over magazines and then try to recreate the looks at Target, TJ Maxx, and Old Navy. Quick Aside, the "Flirt" jean is now my new favorite of all time. Seriously I have never had a jean that fits my odd ass-size to leg-length ratio. I have also been known to by jeans at Steve and Barrys and shirts at Charlotte Russe. I know these clothes will fall apart after one season and that will allow me to buy more $2 shirts. Yay!

One of the other mysteries of cheap clothes is that the pants (jeans and "biznass" pants alike) will stretch after a few wearings and (mostly) snap back after washing. I think I'm normal and wear jeans a couple times before washing them-please don't think I'm gross. Also, let me clarify "cheap". I mean inexpensive, not trashy looking....except for some of the Charlotte Russe shirts. They are cheap in all sense of the word.

During my constant but not very serious quest to keep my weight to reasonable numbers (aka a pretend number/size I made up in my head) I try to avoid constantly weighing myself since it leads me to a downward spiral that can only be fixed by cake or ice cream or cake AND ice cream. So to help keep me on track I mostly judge my weight by how my clothes fit. Are you seeing how this random paragraph ties in? Hopefully?

So day one after cheap pants are washed they fit well and maybe a little bit snug but no pulling or anything. I do the old jean stretching exercises and am fine. Second wearing, "wow these are loose, I must be loosing some weight, but they still look good". Third wearing, "hmm, these are getting kind of baggy, have I lost an entire size this week?"

See how easily I can live in denial and fool myself? I know I bought cheap clothes and I know they stretch. But the stretching helps me delude myself into thinking I'm losing weight so everyone's happy.

Seriously Brain?

2008-09-09T13:08:00.000-04:00

Part of my job is to write the date. I write it easily 100 times a day. Nothing fancy just month/day/year. So it's a max of 6 numbers on any given day. I also have three calendars in my line of sight.
Mondays I usually can plan on not knowing the day for the first couple times. When the month changes it takes me a day to remember. September started 9 days ago and I STILL am writing 8 on everything. Come on brain. Catch up. This happens 12 times a year, every year for my entire 28 years on this planet. How does it manage to surprise me every time.
Today I'm about to give up all together. I just realized that for over 1/2 the day I have written 2006 on everything. Yes, I have gone back in time 2 years. I am an idiot.

Survivors

2008-09-08T12:57:00.003-04:00

Yes, we survived the "Storm of the Century" aka Tropical Storm Hanna. I was up most of the night because I'm a worrier and I knew the Captain would not wake up if a tree fell through our roof. Also, I sleep closest to the window and I wanted to avoid flying glass/debris.

And then nothing happened. It rained, it was windy, the cat freaked out, I walked around the dark house and watched trees blowing. The end.

One of my least favorite features of our house is the massive yard. We live on a corner so all our neighbors can see our entire yard. I am not a fan of yard work and the Captain hates it more than me. It's a huge pain since I have to force myself to care and then nag the Captain until he helps me. So when I woke up Saturday morning and saw branches, pinecones and leaves covering our one million acre yard I was less than thrilled. I had kind of psyched myself up for a lazy, rainy weekend. My plan did not include raking and picking up sticks in the humidity.

Saturday I was a complete bum and did nothing. Sunday I finally got off my lazy ass and went to the yard. It was so hot and daunting. The Captain and I worked about an hour until I started feeling sick it was so hot. I still have about 1/2 the yard to do and I'm thinking about waiting until it gets dark to even try it. Do you think the neighbors would think it was odd if they saw me picking up pinecones with a flashlight after midnight?

Tentative Sigh of Relief

2008-09-02T11:18:00.003-04:00

I made it a whole long weekend without breaking down. I actually feel happy again and I'm starting to feel a little more settled in Wilmington. The thought of the Captain leaving for the weekend doesn't make my chest tighten up, instead I started thinking about what projects I could work on while he was away. I consider that progress.

The weird thing that I never noticed while in the depths of my black pit was that I had no music in my head. Almost all the time there is some song or jingle or whatever rattling around in my mind while I get ready in the morning or make copies in my office. And that soundtrack was gone for a while. I wake up with music in my head now. I consider that progress.

We had company coming for a couple days of the weekend and I managed to clean the house without feeling overwhelmed. We went to dinner and I had an appetite. I was able to socialize and play games without wanting to run to my room and close the door until they left. I consider that progress.

My sister-in-law had a mini boyfriend crises and her parents were out of town so we went over and sat with her while she cried and worried about what to do. I wasn't focused on me and (I think) helped a little. Then my in-laws came home and we had a family dinner where I didn't want to run away. I consider that progress.

Little by little the things that overwhelmed me are starting to feel less, well, overwhelming. I can handle them and even look forward. The Captain has been amazing and has been shielding me and allowing me outs to all "social" stuff we've been doing if it gets too much. But I think I'm ready to try again.

Two Random Comments and An Apology

2008-08-19T09:31:00.003-04:00

Apology first: Captain Awesome I am SO sorry for accidentally kicking you in your bad knee this morning while I groggily searched for the snooze button. I think I mumbled some apologies but I really do feel bad about it. I wanted to put it out on the World Wide Web to prove how sorry I am.

Random #1: Kind of a rant but also an interesting comment on the workings of a person's mind. I am in a customer service position so I talk on the phone and see people all day. On any given day I talk to 20-25 people on the phone and an additional 10-15 in person. Please, please, please do not begin any phone conversation with "Remember I talked to you last week?" People, I love you but no, I do not remember the 30 second conversation we had where you did not even give me your name. I also don't remember what you ordered last month. If you're patient I will happily find the information for you but I don't have the kind of Rain Man mind that recalls all details throughout time. Why is it so important to these people (mostly men) that I remember their little requests? If you order thousands of dollars of merchandise or we talk on the phone every day then I may remember you. Otherwise, just give me your order without the trip down memory lane.

Random #2: So you know how we're supposed to drink around 8 glasses of water a day? I'm not even a little close. For example yesterday, I brought a large 12oz cup of juice to work. When I got in my car at the end of my 9 hour day (including lunch) I poured 1/3 down the drain. Because I'm all science-y I've been experimenting with different drinks but it hasn't made any difference. I really think some of it is the freezing temperature in my office but I should be drinking more than that right? I try to avoid coffee but I think I may have to start making it in the a.m. just to trick my body into drinking more liquids. I don't ever really feel thirsty but I've noticed my skin is drier than normal and I'm shallow enough that the only reason I may make a healthy change to my life is when it affects my outward appearance. Any suggestions?

Stylist with Scissors

2008-08-18T09:10:00.002-04:00

I absolutely love getting my hair cut. The whole experience feels very luxurious whether I'm in a chain in a strip mall being washed out by florescent lights or sipping herbal tea in a leather chair. I am a penny-pinching miser so I usually go to the cheaper places for trims but I splurge if I'm making any major changes. No matter what, I always get my hair washed partly because I think the idea of cutting dirty hair is gross but also because I love the feeling and smells of new products and a head massage.

Friday I was past the raggedy kind-of-pulling-it-off stage and into the obvious split ends territory so I drove to the chain I have found in Wilmington. My favorite stylist wasn't there and I was just getting a trim so I just put my name down for anyone. The first thing I noticed when she called my name was her long acryllic nails. Granted I've never had them myself but it just doesn't seem that clean to me. She started washing my hair and the water was freezing. I live in the land of air conditioning on high all the time, so it was already chilly. I asked her to warm the water up and she sighed and said she would but she doesn't like the water too hot. !!!! I should have taken it as a sign and just left but I had driven all this way and I was getting a hair cut dammit!

After my lukewarm washing she set me up in the chair. Except for the water temperature exchange we hadn't said anything and she started combing and parting my hair without asking me (still) what I wanted her to do. If I'm getting a trim I honestly don't really care what a stylist does and I appreciate suggestions but I think it's a good idea to get SOME idea of what we're doing to my hair. Finally I just volunteered I wanted a trim with my bangs evened up and the longer layers trimmed. She acted like I asked for some crazy new hairstyle and there was about 5 minutes of her questioning exactly what I wanted her to do. Maybe she was new or unexperienced but really? was it that difficult.

Still in absolute silence she started cutting ONE HAIR AT A TIME. It was the slowest trim I've ever gotten. At one point she piped up and asked if I had highlights. I said no and her response was "Hmm". That it, just hmm. So for the rest of the intermidable time I sat there trying to figure out this cryptic comment. Did I need highlights? Is my hair damaged like I color it? Am I going gray?

Finally she was done drying my hair and I basically ran for the door. And I don't even really like the cut. So no more random women at the cheap places. I'll stick with the people I know who ask about my hair, chat during the 15 minute trim and allow me more than a trickle of hot water. Lesson learned.

Ugh

2008-08-11T13:20:00.003-04:00

So I've gone and let a whole week pass between posts again. But it's not for lack of trying. Actually I was saving you, my dear readers, from the mess that has been me. I actually posted this warning on the 5th or 6th draft of the post:

Warning. Self-Indulgent Whiny Post Ahead, Procede with Caution.

Every day since last Thursday I come to this entry and try to put something down on paper that conveys my feelings but doesn't make anyone feel like slitting their wrists. Some samples of my super dramatic attempts....

From Thursday-"My parents are coming tomorrow and although I can't wait to see them I just want to hide in bed. I actually worry I may run the car and beg them to take me to Raleigh with them to get me out of here."

From Sunday-"Is numb better than nothing? When the Captain asks what's wrong and I say "nothing" it drives him crazy because he thinks I'm being stubborn but the problem actually is the nothingness."

From Monday-"I'm angry all the time, about everything. It's taken over my life and left a black scummy cloud over everything I think, feel and do. My response is to get weepy and sullen like my 13 year-old-self has re-inhabited my body and is forcing me to revert to the silent treatment and sarcasm punctuated by crying bouts with yelling. "

I guess Monday it all came to a head with my sobbing in the bathroom at work, then going home and sobbing in the shower (while guests sat in the living room) and then sobbing on the bed with the Captain. You know how usually you can cry for a little bit and then feel better. I just kept waiting for the feeling better stage and instead got more and more sad.

The most frustrating part for me was the massive disconnect between my emotions and my mind. Logically I wanted to stop crying and the things setting me off were not worth hours of tears. But I just couldn't get out. I don't think I've had to deal with real depression before but this past week gave me an idea of what people deal with.

After weeks of stewing and being angry and sneaking into the bathroom at night to cry I broke down and let the Captain into my crazy. And shocker! It actually helped to have someone else to lean on. He sat with me while I cried and we actually talked about what was going on with us. We also set up a night to go over money stuff so I could stop feeling the ulcers gnawing their way through my stomach. I also had great conversations with my dad and sister who are money geniuses about ideas on how to get us back on track. And the most helpful thing they both told me? That everyone has times when the money gets low and the debts get high.

I've been feeling ashamed about how bad our money situation is and how we fell into every trap they warn you about. I couldn't talk about it because I felt like we were the only ones drowning. And yes, I read the news stories about people losing their homes or getting cars repossed but I didn't associate "them" with "us". And then to combat the lack of control over money I started quietly obsessing about making everything else perfect in my life. The house not being clean made me physically sick, piles of laundry were over-whelming, being "just a receptionist" was unacceptable. But guess what? Nothing is perfect. The harder I tried and "failed" the worse it got. The Captain tried to reassure me that everything was fine but all I heard in those words was either that he assumed I would fail because I always do or that he was just in denial and I was the only one who could save us. Adding more stress I couldn't handle.

I think I'm gaining a little perspective. I still feel the stress but I've actually felt ok the last couple of days. I had a great time at book club on Wednesday where I had drinks and we made plans for the weekend. The other nights the Captain and I have just relaxed around the house making dinner and enjoying each others company. Tonight is our big "money talk" but instead of dreading it I'm looking forward to an open discussion and coming up with a plan. So I guess I've taken my first steps away from the blackness and towards something better.

Mainly to Get the Last Post Off the Top

2008-08-06T08:44:00.002-04:00

My days are pretty routine. Get up, go to work, leave work, run errands, straighten parts of the house/do chores, cook dinner, clean up from dinner, zone out in front of TV, go to bed. Woo hoo! Exciting, no? Since the Captain's surgery we can't really do much that involves walking around and we have no money so that pretty much limits us to free stuff with lots of sitting. As you can imagine, that does not make for lots of exciting nights and weekends (or blog posts).

I'm sure everyone is like this but I have yet to find the happy medium between routine and mind-numbing boredom. I love to be scheduled and have a plan but I couldn't be happy in a life where everything was the same, every day, until I die. On the other side of the coin I love traveling and trying new things but I would be curled up in a corner if I had no idea what was coming from minute to minute. Maybe I have a "grass is always greener" attitude. Or a "want what you can't have" problem.

***Random Change of Subject***

My parents are coming to see the house for the first time this weekend. They can't stay with us because my dad is allergic to our cats but it will be really nice to visit with them. My parents have never really come to "visit" before. We used to live in the same town so we got together for the day or evening but not for a weekend. And they only came to OH once on their way to visit some relatives and only stayed one evening.

I've been planning meals and cleaning so the house will be perfect. I'm trying to figure out how to sell our not-yet-conceived first born so I can get the patio furniture I want before the weekend. And I've been painting the paneling in our TV room so it doen't look like a cave. All of which they will not care about. They want to do projects so I've made some mental lists of stuff they can help with including hanging pictures and replacing my dryer hose (?). Apparently they are not supposed to be riddled with holes and tears. Who knew?

All I really want out of the visit is to have good food and good conversation. If nothing else, it will be different from my usual routine.

Captain Awesom

2008-08-04T09:20:00.002-04:00

The Captain has been my rock for as long as I've known him. The last two months have just been awful and we got sucker punched with surprise bills and money/savings got to a scary low number. Since my way of dealing with money problems is lots of hyperventilating and/or pretending the bills don't exist, the Captain has taken on more than his share of worries. But he still makes me laugh and feel loved every day.

I mentioned in my last post that the Captain had knee surgery. He has been dealing with tons of pain along with boredom and insomnia from laying around all day long. He hasn't really complained and has tried to be as helpful as he can on crutches. Pain fills his face and sweat pops out on his forehead when he hobbles around but he still set the table for dinner last night. He cracks jokes and forces me to relax when he can tell I've reached my breaking point.

Although he did everything right, he has to be on crutches another month. He is frustrated and exhausted and in pain. I don't really have a point to this post except I'm sad for him.

Tonight we make his first rehab appointment and he's talking to HR about taking more time off. I'll drag out the hand weights so he can get some activity while sitting. We'll rent some TV seasons so he has something to break up the monotony.

I'm very happy it's just knee surgery and not cancer or some other life threatening disease. But I'm so sorry he has to go through this.

So Sleepy....Zzzzzzzz

2008-08-01T13:21:00.002-04:00

Damn, I was really trying to post more than once a week but the planets aligned to keep me away from the keyboard. (I accidentally typed "the plants aligned" which cracked me up, see? tired). ANYWAY, The Captain had knee surgery on Wednesday after a month of pain and limping around. He has an amazing doctor who helped convince him to get it done even though no one was 100% sure what was wrong. The surgery went well and they found a tear which was repaired so yay. The downside is that since Wednesday at 5am I have been nursing my dear sweet husband who cannot walk and is in serious pain.

He has been great and not at all abused this but it still takes a toll. He's not sleeping well so I am listening for his movements all night. I am scared I'm going to kick him in the bad knee so I try to lie super still. Also, if he falls while on crutches I'm not sure I could get him back up so I follow him around while he tries to go to the bathroom (PS, he hates this). Long story (kind of) short, neither one of us is sleeping. Awesome!

While he's sick he likes us to hang out together which is so sweet and I love it when he wants to spend time with me. But before I can sit down I have to get him drinks, settle his pillows, get myself food/drinks, do a quick load of laundry/load dishwasher/make bed/insert other boring household chore, etc. So it's less relaxing for me. But C? Why are you worring about the house? Well internets, in order to help me out and let me do little things like getting perscriptions filled and going to work, my in-laws have been coming over and sitting with the Captain. I truely, truely appreciate their help but I can't leave the house a disaster. (yes, I probably could but a tiny part of me still wants to impress them and convince them that yes, I'm worthy of your beautiful baby boy).

Do you like how I made his painful surgery about me? It's a gift really.

Add on to that, our house in Cincinnati is closing on Monday and although we took care of most of it before the surgery a few things have come up that I have to take care of. Boo.

The bright spot in my day is that it's the 1st. That means Calendar Flipping Day! There's something about tearing off a page covered in notes, dates, names, etc to reveal a fresh clean white page that's super satisfying to the anal retentive person in me. And in my office I get to flip 5 calendars! Plus the one at home and the white board. So except for the crippled husband, money crap and exhaustion it's a pretty good day.

Here We Go Again

2008-07-28T21:41:00.000-04:00

I've now lived in Wilmington for 2 months. The house still needs work but we're pretty settled in. It's time for me to leave the comfort of my "temporary" job and get back to reality. I enjoy this job and the hours. I'm busy without being stressed and I don't really have to think about what to wear in the mornings.

But the pay is just not going to cut it if we're going to pay our bills and put a little money in the bank for a baby someday. I HATE looking for a job. I love working and being busy but the searching, sending resumes, interviewing and then the waiting parts suck. The higher paying jobs I'm qualified for are going to be sales jobs. I get stressed working on commission and having to be "on" all the time. I've been thinking about it a lot this weekend and I need to get over myself. The Captain is not pressuring me to make this change but I know what he makes and what our bills are. I need to put on my big girl pants and start looking around. I really want to have kids sooner than later and that won't/can't happen until we're more settled financially. So, here goes nothing. If you hear of anything in Wilmington NC that pays a lot please, just call me. Otherwise, expect some complain-y posts about interviews, job searching, etc. I promise to try to keep them short.

The Company Clean

2008-07-28T09:16:00.003-04:00

This is a phrase my poor dad came up with when we were all living at home. It's what happens when you realize that strangers are coming into your house in several hours and it looks like a tornado passed through. My mom LOVES to entertain and all their friends assume my parents will host all holiday, celebrations, get-together parties at their house. So pretty much every weekend my mom would organize us and we would sweep through the house. I'm sure they don't do this anymore since their messy children moved out and they can actually keep the place looking good.

It's my policy to not stress myself out about housecleaning during the week. We try to keep the pile of dishes to a managable height and I pick up dirty socks left on the living room floor *cough Captain cough*. Also, the Captain makes the bed in the morning since he gets to sleep later then me. But otherwise, I can ignore the cat hair tumbleweeds and dust on the book case until the weekend.

On Friday morning I got a call from one of my best friends from Raleigh. We haven't seen each other since March 07 but we keep in touch. He and his sister (also a friend) were in town at the beach and they wanted to see the house and take me out for drinks. My mouth said "Yay, see you later" but my brain said "Oh God No!". My friend P has amazing taste and his house looks like a page out of Architectural Digest. I have not managed to paint any rooms and just hung a pictures a couple weeks ago. Plus, I hadn't really done anything to the house all week. Luckily The Captain did dishes on Wednesday so the kitchen was in decent shape. I ran home and spent an hour frantically cleaning, sweeping, wiping and hiding piles of junk mail and clean but not hung up laundry. (It just occured to me I still never got that basket out of the Captain's closet, oops.)

By the time they arrived I was dressed in cute clothes with a clean (ish) house. It was amazing to see them and we started talking like we picked up like we see each other every day. They tried to convince me to go to Raleigh with them and hang out. I was tempted but as much as I love them, I need to build a group of friends in Wilmington instead of running to Raleigh every weekend. But it's nice knowing if I need them, they're there for me. And also that I can clean the house in an hour if I need to.

Reason #1,564,988 Why I Love Captain Awesome

2008-07-24T07:31:00.000-04:00

Scene: Driving to a late dinner last night down a very sparsely populated road. We pass an older woman crossing the road in a casual black dress and carrying a tan bath towel.

Me: "Where's she going and/or coming from? There's no streets around here."

Captain (in a completely serious voice): "Probably someone invited her to an above-ground pool party"

Me: !?!?
Me:"Why above-ground pool?"

Captain: "Would you invite a woman like that to your in-ground pool party?"

Me: driving off the road laughing.

Of course he was joking, please no emails from angry above-ground pool owners or older women that walk around with towels. I'm sure you're all lovely people.

Book Club Update

2008-07-23T22:22:00.002-04:00

6 amazing women + 5 bottles of wine + cake AND cheese= awesome!

I'm a little tipsy but yay new bookclub. We spent 10 minute talking about the book and 4+ hours drinking wine, telling stories and laughing. We already have plans for the weekend. When we met I wasn't sure since we were all stiff and formal but I like the dynamic and that we all have different stories.

And I was worried that I would come across as a drunk but EVERY single person brought a bottle of wine. I heart the bookclub.

P.S. My brother is 24 years old and getting his masters but tonight called me because he was trying to buy a "stretchy sheet" and couldn't find one. Luckily my sister was able to help and told him to look for the secret words "fitted sheet". Success!

Performance Anxiety

2008-07-23T07:14:00.002-04:00

Although I consider myself a shy person I don't usually have too much trouble meeting people when I move to a new place. When we moved to Cincinnati I met an amazing group of women in a bookclub on Craigslist.

And I met several freak-shows through other Craigslist/Meetup things. My favorite was the woman I met advertising a walking partner who wanted to meet at 6am on Saturday to walk through a graveyard. In her defense it was summer so 6am was cooler. But the first thing she said was a warning that she was sore after her one night stand last night and she was going to her grandmother's funeral later that day. !?!? Nice to meet you too, weirdo.

But the bookclub women were super nice and fun and didn't mention sexual exploits or dead relatives during our first meetings. We had similar interests and at least once a week I met at least one of them to have dinner, go to a festival, see a movie, get a drink, etc. They were totally my lifeline while the Captain was in NC and I was still in OH. When I had to leave we ended up having about 4 good-bye dinners because I couldn't face leaving them.

Flash forward to NC. I haven't really made an effort to meet anyone. Partial out of laziness but mostly because I'm not ready to go through the whole relationship cycle again. When I left Raleigh friends it really hurt and then it happened all over again in Cincinnati. I know this sounds crazy but I'm just not ready to deal with it again. I know, dramatic much?

The Captain got tired of me whining about having nothing to do and in a loving way forced me to look around for another book club or group to join. I found one, on Craigslist again, that seemed encouraging. They're just starting so there's no pre-formed cliques I'll have to conform to. They posted their lists of books they want to read and I also want to read most of them. The first meeting (which I couldn't go to-read wussed out because I was having a really bad hair day) was held at a bar which is always a good sign. Tonight is the first actual meeting. I read the book which I actually really liked even though I never would have picked it up on my own. I talked everyone into bringing snacks and wine and I'm having a decent hair day. So tonight at 6pm I'll be drinking wine and hopefully making friends. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Thank God for wine.

Get Nothing Done This Weekend, Check

2008-07-21T16:37:00.002-04:00

Last week I was exhausted all week. Not just a little tired but I can't keep my eyes open crabby tired. I finally figured out Friday night I was getting a cold. I decided to follow the old adage "starve a fever, drown a cold in amazing red wine" and drank my way through half a bottle of Gnarly Head Zin. The Captain kept me company and we watched several cheesy movies like Unzipped and Loaded Weapon.

Saturday I slept until almost noon then The Captain dragged me off to Chick-fil-A for lunch. I dragged him to Lowes so we could get supplies for some home improvement-type things like paint and plumbing. But when we got home, I ended up playing on the computer and then taking a nap. We replenished ourselves from our hard day with a carb-y spaghetti/garlic bread dinner.

Sunday I slept late again which is totally un-like me. We went to lunch at PT's an amazing grill place that serves lemon-pepper fries. We stopped at Harris Teeter for a few things which ended up costing a million dollars. I'm almost to the point I can't decide if it's more expensive to eat out or buy groceries. We went to a matinee of Batman so The Captain would be left out of the conversations this week. I am a huge wuss about scary/violent movies but I did want to see it. It was scary and disturbing and sad and gory but it was really good. I've had a mini-crush on Christian Bale since Newsies so I was looking forward to seeing him. But really all the acting was really really good. I was blown away by Heath Ledger but Aaron Eckhart stole the show by acting with-out over acting an entire range of emotions.
When we got home I actually did laundry and my amazing He-Man husband replaced the drain AND shower head in the bathroom.

Today I'm still congested and tired but feel rested for the first time. Now it's time for my nap.

Things That are Making Me Crazy (Superficial Version)

2008-07-18T08:35:00.002-04:00

Since no one wants the lava of crazy that is constantly bubbling in my head lately to spew out and create a Pompeii version of my life, I am going to slowly release some of the pressure by listing the stupid things people do that make me stabby. Count your blessings this isn't a long and rambling post about my l
You're welcome and feel free to add your own.

-When I answer the phone hearing a stranger ask "Who's this?" Learn to stop dialing random numbers or KNOW WHO YOU'RE CALLING!

-That my email is blocked by the spam filter at work even after being promised it would be fixed but I can see bloglines and blogger which are even more time sucking.

-Radio commercials. There is nothing but screaming about sales or "hilarious" voices selling everything from bug spray to waffles. Just play some damn music.

-Being cold. Ok, if it's winter or something I can get over it. But do we really need it to be 60 inside if it's 89 outside? Maybe I should amend this to be air conditioning in general.

-Domestic chores. I just did laundry and there's only two of us. How is the basket full again?

-Snoring. Anyone who has a partner who snores is nodding their head. Everyone else, I hate you.

-Fax Machines.

Now, so you all don't think I'm a hateful crotchety old lady a list of things that are making me happy recently:
Good Indian food cooked by my own little hands (go me!), my snuggly kitties who make me laugh, my sweet husband who doesn't complain about me never taking the trash to the curb or bringing the empty cans back, leaving early on Fridays, finding new blogs that seem to be writing the story of my life, sleeping in two days in a row.

Can I Get a Personal Chef?

2008-07-16T16:36:00.000-04:00

I am a horrible cook. There, it's out there. And not in the way that people say it as they serve a gourmet meal but they forgot the home-made chanterelle butter for their home-made rolls. In the, I attempted turkey burgers that turned into little dry, hard lumps, kind of way.

But I'm trying. I've started planning menus each Saturday so I know what's coming up. I also try one new dish a week and it's actually been fun. I have made casseroles, pasta dishes, and some ethnic foods. The one thing I always fail at is meat. I think that I'm so paranoid about under-cooking it I end sucking all the moisture and taste out. But again, I'm trying.

I went grocery shopping last night for a couple things I needed for the week's menus. Mostly boring stuff like mushrooms, applesauce and tortillas. And chicken breast. I stopped at a grocery I don't normally go to because I had some other errands to run which was on the shadier side of town. When gas drops below $2/gal I'll drive to the ritzier neighborhoods but until then, where ever I am is where I get my food.

I wait until the end to pick out my meat because I'm a wuss and it still grosses me out. So I took a breath and stared into the frozen wasteland of pink, slimy chicken. And the first think I lay my eyes on? A lovely package of "Chicken Paws". It's exactly what you think. A sterile white styrafoam tray of pale clammy chicken feet. With toe-nails.
OMG toe-nails. And then I died. The End.

Actually I grabbed a package of a brand I recognized and ran away. I'm supposed to cook chicken tonight in a curry sauce I found and am looking forward to. But those toe-nails will haunt me in my dreams.

Vern and Ernest

2008-07-15T09:41:00.000-04:00

Did you ever watch this show?

Hey Vern, It's Ernest

We used to watch it Saturday mornings after PeeWee's Playhouse. It was super silly and there are now like 100 movies based on the character.

*Quick rambling, the movie Earnest Goes to Camp was one of my families favorite movies. I know, sad. But there is a song called "Gee I'm Glad it Raining" which is seriously one of the saddest songs EVER. My sister and I would watch it with tears streaming down our faces. At an Earnest movie. We're so weird.

My bosses are AMAZINGLY nice and take care of me and buy me Cokes and breakfast when I'm tired. One of them constantly says "Know what I mean?" And every single time, in my mind, I add "Vern"

It's a sickness.

I Heart My Family but....

2008-07-14T21:17:00.001-04:00

Over July 4th weekend my entire family (all 8 plus a dog) got together at the beach. That in itself is a miracle since we're all busy and have our own lives. We originally didn't think it would happen but my parents sent the word they were going and anyone could join them. And slowly, we all were able to clear our schedules and meet at Pine Knoll Shores.

My dad's cousin has a winter home there and my family is in charge of keeping it up during the summer-awesome! It's a nice 2 bedroom house in a neighborhood walking distance to the beach. Are you doing the math in your head now? 8 people + 1 dog + 2 bedrooms = craziness. My sister and I are both married so throw in a couple in-laws and I dare anyone to try to blend those different schedules. We all brought blow up mattresses for the loft area and theoretically it would have been a fun slumber party type weekend.

We all learned that we love each other but we could never live together again. I am a super old lady and go to bed early. My brother is a grad student and lives in his lab so he's up until 3 or 4 am and sleeps late. My other sister has normalish hours but is a night person and my youngest sister keeps college hours.

We also learned that lots of alcohol does not lead to "inside voices". In the past we've rented a house on the beach so the loud, excuse me "late-night" people can go sit on the beach and scream so us grandma-types can be snoring away at 10pm. Also, when the grandma-types get up at 8 or 9 we can go to the beach and not wake up the sleeping/hung-over beauties. Apparently my mom loves doing dishes early in the morning which is not what you want to hear after 3 hours sleep.

The Captain is not really a beach person and I was surprised that he agreed to go. He also hurt his knee a couple weeks ago so he's been limping around. (He is scheduling his orthroscopic surgery this week!) So it sucked that he was just kind of laying around the house watching TV. Honestly, it upset me more than him. I was bummed that we weren't spending time together during the day and he is a late night person so we didn't really even share a bed/blow-up mattress that much. I'm dealing with some things regarding the move and relocation that all kind of came to a head but it's pretty much impossible to fight while your entire family is around you at all times. But we had a good talk on the drive home and got a lot of things out in the open.

I feel like I'm making it sound bad which it really wasn't. We haven't all been together in forever so the first night we were all screaming laughing and telling stories about each other. We had some awesome dinners and my brother-in-law made a seafood feast Saturday night. I got to take long walks with my mom and giggle late (ok 10pm) into the night with my sisters. The weather was gorgeous and we didn't get any rain until the last day when we were packing up anyway. We agreed that we can't wait to do it again but next time we all get together we're buying an industrial size pack of ear-plugs and less alcohol.

Of course I'm just kidding about the alcohol.

So, How Was Your Month?

2008-07-09T15:08:00.003-04:00

I took an un-official blogging break. I moved back in with Captain Awesome, moved to a new city, got a job and a new house. I also had some stuff come up in my life I didn't feel like I could talk about with the whole world. And then, I kind of just got out of the habit of sitting down each night with the computer. I originally started blogging as a way to pass the time while the Captain and I were apart. So it seemed a little counter-productive to spend time away from him to blog.

Now I'm ready to pick it back up so in order to slowly ramp up I'm stealing an idea from the amazing Janet.

Love/Hate New(ish) Job Edition:

Love: The dress code is super casual-jeans everyday if I want!!
Hate: The office is freezing so I usually wear jeans and a cute top... covered by a sweater (ok, hoodie)
Love: When I make a half-ass attempt to dress up I get lots of compliments.

Love: I leave at 4pm Mon-Thurs and 3pm on Fridays
Hate: I have to be there at 7am which means leaving my house at 6:30-too early for me

Love: I pass a Krsipy Kreme on my way to work
Hate: I pass a Krispy Kreme on my way to work and doughnuts don't help me fit into my jeans.

Love: The only other women in the office is the owner's mother so I win for cutest!
Hate: I miss having lots of women around me.

Love: Two words: Overtime Pay.
Hate: I don't make much money since I'm basically a fancy receptionist.

Love: I control the radio and can listen to whatever I want (mostly)
Hate: We're in the sticks so we don't get many signals

Love: Customer service jobs are super fun and I get to meet new people every day.
Hate: For every 10 great people I meet there is 1 crazy or mean person.

Love: I interact mostly with contractors or builders (think muscle-y, tan)
Hate: Although they may be easy on the eyes, working all day in the heat makes them not so easy on the nose.

Love: I have a job! Even though it's not ideal it is mostly pretty great and gets me out of the house. My small paycheck lets me buy the occasional new clothes, iced coffee, groceries...

I really am going to make an attempt to post more regularly and comment on all my favorite blogs.

I Can't Believe I'm Still Complaining

2008-06-06T09:58:00.002-04:00

I truely am happy to be in Wilmington with the Captain and our family. I love our new house and it has great potential for fun projects like replacing light fixtures and painting which I love. I got two weeks off to set up the house where I could sleep in (even though I didn't), eat whatever I want, hang out with my SIL, and veg out on the couch during the really hot days.

My FIL has some clients who are looking for a receptionist and I met with them yesterday. They offered me the job on the spot which was flattering. I can't believe I'm about to say this after my super complainy last post but...I don't think I want this job.
Pros: Easy work, off all weekends and holidays, small family-run business, casual dress (shorts and jeans every day!)
Cons: Hours are 7am to 4pm which means up at 5:15 every morning, not actually using my college degree, pay is much lower than I need, place is far out in the sticks, and the worst...
They don't use computers! No computers in the whole place. No email or internet for the entire day. I could look at it as a positive and cleanse myself of my additiction to the tubes and wires of the web. But right now my only reaction is NOOOOOO while waving my fists in to the sky.

I spoke to the owner and we agreed that I could work for about 4 weeks and then we could re-evaluate with no hard feelings. I will be out of the house and bringing a little money in. It will give them time to find someone who wants the job full time. And I may love it and be able to negotiate a higher salary. So I start Monday! What do I wear?!?

Am I Done Yet?

2008-06-03T22:11:00.003-04:00

Even though this is my third move in 5 years I always seem to forget how hectic it is. I am a creaature of habit and having piles and boxes of stuff all over the house makes me a little crazy. We also hit a snag with some of the larger appliances in the house including hot water heater, refrigerator and dishwasher which means about 5 minutes of hot water a day, the only working refrigerator in the house is in the garage and no working dishwasher. They're getting taken care of and the Captain worked on the hot water tonight so hopefully that's fixed. But still.....

I had a little pity party today after I just got overwhelmed. I hate not contributing to the family finances and we just keep getting bills. I have applied for a bunch of jobs but I haven't heard back from anyone. On the other hand, there's no way I could be unpacking, cleaning and getting the utilities set up if I was also trying to work a new job. The Captain has been incredible and keeps assuring me that I am helping the family but it's still hard.

On a happier note we had an amazing weekend of seeing friends, going to a baby shower and hanging out with my family. It's so nice to just be able to drive a couple hours to see people instead of flying. The baby shower was for a friend from college and there were a couple other pregnant ladies there. It really makes me realize how much I want to have a baby. But then we're back to the whole "contributing financially to the family" thing.

We've got so many ideas and plans for the future that are all bouncing around, running into each other. We just have to figure out some way to align everything so it makes sense and has some kind of timeline. Like should the Captain go back to school now or later? Baby? Stay in Wilmington or move to an area with more work for the Captain? Should I go back to school? I know everyone goes through this and there's no "right" answer. Right now I'm just going to focus on unpacking, spending time with the Captain and walking on the beach.

New Address, Wilmington NC

2008-05-29T22:43:00.002-04:00

It's been a 10 days. I could have blogged last week but I was overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I had to write about so, of course, I wrote nothing. I made it to Wilmington and due to some last minute and lucky aligning of the universe I was able to take Friday off (last Friday, the 23rd) so I could take care of some last minute details and hit the road.

My fantastically amazing Cincinnati friends kept offering me delicious food so I had three nights of "last dinners" which was sad but because we broke up into smaller groups I was able to spend time with all of them. And it gave me an excuse to break up the massive house scrub and drink some wine. While I don't mind straightening a house and prefer to keep my house clean-ish I can tell you that I will never be able to fall back on a career as a housekeeper. I'm too happy to sweep a dust bunny back under the couch than actually pick it up. And if you come visit, please don't judge me for the amount of dust on the taller cabinets I can't see.

The reunion with the Captain was everything I hoped for and more. We were staying at his parents for the weekend until the movers came on Monday so pretty much all we did was sleep late, eat tasty but unhealthy foods, take a nap, more food and then a movie or TV if we weren't otherwise "occupied". I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that this isn't just a visit but that I get to see him EVERY day!

Monday the movers came and we stood in the front yard and checked off boxes and directed where things should go. Turns out pale kids like the Captain and myself should not be morons and wear sunscreen. I was wearing a tank top and got a red nose and shoulders but poor Captain got a raging farmer's tan/burn.

Tuesday the Captain and I packed up all the stuff he had at his parent's house and carried it (in the 80 degree weather with humidity) and carried it over to the new house. I really wanted to spend the night that night so we worked on our bedroom and bathroom. The Captain's parents were so sweet to let us (and three wild cats) stay with them but I have to admit there's nothing better than collapsing into your own queen-size bed with your pillows and snuggly husband beside you.

Wednesday the Captain had to go back to work so we would have a little money and I unpacked boxes for about 8 hours straight. I got most things done except for the formal living room which is right now a home for about a million empty boxes and anything we don't know what to do with. We did get internet so yay! That night I met the Captain and some work friends to watch them play beach volleyball. I wanted to make a good impression so I actually did something to my hair and wore a cute outfit. And then I got to the location and it was cold and drizzling and everyone else had gym clothes on. So I met a bunch of new people in a ratty sweatshirt I had in my car and super frizzy hair. At least we were all in the same boat. It was fun and nice to put faces to names the Captain had been talking about for three months.

Today I met the cable guy (yay, tv!) and ran a bunch of errands. We're going to an out-of-town baby shower and then to stay with my parents on Saturday so I needed to get things somewhat organized.

I'm feeling pretty happy about the whole situation and except for a refrigerator that is not getting cold and drips water into a bucket that has to be emptied every 10 hours, the house is great and I have a huge closet.

Next on the list, operation "Find C a job so she stops going to Target and spending all our non-existent money"

Ok, New Plan....

2008-05-18T14:02:00.002-04:00

Instead of freaking out on my blog I'll have really supportive friends and family rally around me and help me get things done while making me laugh, buying me drinks and taking my mind off everything. My good friend came in town and ran errands for me, cleaned out my freezer and poured strawberry margaritas down my throat. My online friends sent me nice messages of support.

So I'm ahead of my list, relaxed and have two new amazing pairs of jeans in my closet. Nice.

Busy as a Stressed Out and Crabby Bee

2008-05-16T13:22:00.004-04:00

First I want to thank everyone who's been commenting on my little corner of the web. When I started this thing it was really just for my amusement. I can't describe how nice it is having a little positive reinforcement. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

In one week I will be moving 4 states away. Due to a few shitty issues coming up at the same time I will be taking only one day off from work and will be working 1/2 day the morning I drive to NC. Also, I have maybe overscheduled myself a smidge during the next week. Here's my schedule:
Friday:
-work
-best friend comes in town
-dress up to see Jen Lancaster! I'm so excited! (Do you like how I act like we have a special dinner planned instead of sitting with a million other people at a book store while I try not to act like an ass when she signs my book?)
-drink strawberry margaritas at my house until our tongues turn red or we pass out
Saturday:
-Best friend leaves (boo)
-Take clothes to Goodwill
-Return Library books
-Clean out car
-Going Away Party (!) with lots of drinks (yay!)
Sunday:
-Pack suitcase to last me a week including but not limited to grungy cleaning/moving clothes, two nicer work outfits, interview suit and a bathing suit (since I'm moving to the beach!)
-Put everything I don't want packed by movers in a closet
-Clean house
-Run last minute errands like buying book on tape for drive and cat food for starving kitties
-Wash sheets on guest bed
Monday:
-Work all day
-Ship cable box and internet back to Time Warner (Nooo, mai preshus!)
-Make dish for last book club ever
-Get guest room ready
-Clean out fridge/freezer
-Possibly do some yard work IF IT EVER STOPS RAINING
Tuesday:
-Work all day
-Race to last book club ever
-Meet aunt and uncle at my house
Wednesday:
-Get up at super early hour to say good-bye to aunt and uncle
-Meet movers
-Cleaning up dirty floors, a million cat toys and tumbleweeds of cat hair as movers lift heavy furniture that has not moved since movers put furniture into my house
-Check into hotel
Thursday:
-Work all day (7:00 am to 5:00 pm)
-Go back to house to finish cleaning
Friday:
-Work 1/2 day (6:00 am to 12:00 pm)
-Pick up cats, load car and drive 11 hours to NC!

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Notice I have no time for paralyzing feelings of inadequacy, sadness at leaving amazing friends, sleep, lying awake for the hours of 2am to 5am thinking about all the things I'm forgetting, feeling guilty for leaving cats in house with no furniture, etc. which has been taking up most of my time the past three days. I just moved in February of 07 and yet I had forgotten how unsettling this all is. I'm mood swinging every hour between "oh, this is cake" to "HOLY CRAP THIS IS HARD!"

Basically this super long post is an excuse for why you (and of course I mean you, the internet) may not hear from me until next week. Or next month.
Send help.

Midwest Spring?

2008-05-13T22:14:00.002-04:00

I've lived here for over a year now. I experienced Spring last year, in this house. But I don't remember this weather. I guess I'm spoiled by living in the South but shouldn't it be warm by now? I'm positive I spent most of my birthdays with my friends and family at the lake, eating fried chicken, brownie cake and swimming. I have pictures of everyone in bathing suits.

So why is is 47 degrees right now??? This is not bathing suit weather! My birthday is next week and it's not going to be bathing suit weather then either. Saturday was nice and warm. I sat outside in shorts and a tank top. Sunday was in the 60's and raining. This morning it was 40 with a high of 67 this afternoon. Is this normal? Is everyone used to a spring where you wear flannel pajamas to bed? Where you wear a tank-top under a short-sleeved shirt under a jacket with jeans and sandals. I'm cold by nature but I absolutely refuse to turn my heat on in the middle of May. So I've got extra quilts on my bed and haven't put my winter clothes in storage. But my office has the AC on since it's "spring".

Don't worry, in a few weeks I'll be in NC whining about the heat. But right now, I'm looking forward to it.

**Only 3 more days until I get to meet Jen Lancaster! My best friend is coming up, we're putting on our fancy dresses, having some drinks and preparing to laugh our asses off! Squee!

I'm Done

2008-05-11T19:32:00.002-04:00

It has been raining all day. Not a single minute without the tap, tap, tap of rain on the sky lights. There's little rivlets of water in the basement. I can't go outside and walk around. I could go shopping but I'm saving all my pennies for the move. So I've been in the house all day. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a lazy day of watching TV. But I still feel a little anxious about the move and it's killing me that I can't really DO anything right now. The things I need to pack are the things going in the car with me. And if I have to pack them in the car it means it's stuff I need every day. I wish the movers were coming tomorrow. I'm super ready to see my husband and start living as a married couple again. Bah Humbug.
I need more ice cream cake.

Happy Friday!

2008-05-09T20:10:00.002-04:00

You know what makes a rainy Friday afternoon of a super long week a little better?

Unexpected Ice Cream Cake! And it was delicious.

Gifts

2008-05-09T11:51:00.003-04:00

Mother's Day is this weekend and I've been thinking about what to get my mom and mother-in-law. People have very different ideas about what's a "good" gift. Obviously preferences and tastes will vary. My mom hates shopping and always asks for practical gifts. For example, one year she wanted a new deviled egg plate. I don't know why but we've always given her nightgowns as gifts also. I guess because she wears them and when we were little she would give up buying something for herself so that we could have new clothes. She also has a favorite candy that we buy her. My MIL has a rule that none of her gifts can have electric cords. I think it's because my FIL loves tools and would buy her gadgets every year if he could. Also, she has two sons. My sister-in-law gets her beautiful jewelry now that she's old enough to shop on her own.

My birthday is at the end of the month so I'm also thinking about gifts for me. My idea of a good gift is something that I wouldn't normally buy for myself. Although I LOVE getting flowers and candy is always appreciated the traditional romantic gifts are not necessarily my favorite. The Captain is great at remembering little things I mentioned that I wanted and now forgot. Also, since he grew up with the "no cords" rule he is great at getting me sparkly, pretty things. My sisters have amazing style and their gifts to me are always something I love but would never think to get for myself. My brother makes great mix CD's and blends my nerdy favorites with cool new stuff. Last year he included the Fraggle Rock theme song and Frank Sinatra along with The Killers , The White Stripes and The Rolling Stones. How could you not love it?

I think we all have that one friend or family member that gets us the crazy gift every year. The one that makes you say "Really? That's what you think I like?" (in your mind of course). I had a great aunt that used to get everyone wild stuff including finger cymbals, bonsai golf course, toy accordion and glow in the dark pillow cases. And I know, it's the thought that counts and I should be happy I get gifts at all and there are people all over the world who dream about having a glow in the dark pillow case. (See with the sarcasm people? No angry letter please)

My biggest gift is seeing Captain Awesome again. And since we haven't sold the house and I have no job lined up in NC we will be very tight on money so I don't really expect anything big. But I can dream right? So here's my dream list:
1. New vacuum cleaner-especially a pet hair one. Our vacuum is the Captain's from his college apartment, 9 years ago. It's a little beat up and was recently used to clean up from a toilet repair job so when used it has a musty smell.
2. Luggage. We got some when we were married but we have worn it out. Our favorite bag has broken wheels and holes in it.
3. Running Shoes. I want some nice ones and since I've actually been using them at the gym instead of to run errands they are getting a little gross.
4. Blender. One word....Margaritas! and Milk Shakes (ok, three words)
5. Trips with the Captain. Anywhere and any time.

So what are your dream gifts?

Cringe-Worthy

2008-05-07T14:21:00.004-04:00

Scene: me driving alone in my car, attempting to sing along to the Wicked soundtrack (which has been in my CD player for months now because, again, the obsessions.)

Me: Hmm, kind of a boring day. What should I have for dinner? Why is my voice not even close to as awesome as Kristin Chenworth? Oh look, someone walking their dog. I better be sure not to run them over with my car.
Brain: Oh yeah. Remember that time in college when you were walking to class and you totally ate it on the sidewalk in front of everyone?
Me: Wha?!?
Brain: You remember, it was a nice day around lunch and you were wearing black platform heels to climb mountains?
Me: Oh My God, why would you bring this back to me? Really, black platform heels?
Brain: Heehee, remember when that car actually pulled over to make sure you were ok since a crowd gathered around your sprawled body?
Me: No, I have no memories of that. *puts hands over ears* let's talk about something else.
Brain: But what about our trip down memory lane?
Me: I'm going to go home to sit in a dark room. Thanks Brain.

Please internet friends, reassure me that I'm not the only crazy person around who randomly remembers my most embarrassing moments? And it's never really related to what's going on around me. The other day while sweeping the kitchen floor I remembered a time during my catering days when a dinner I was in charge of was late and the guests were all standing in a long line waiting for the food.

Why brain why? Why do I never remember the good hair days or the sunshine picnics when unicorns jumped over rainbows? Ah yes, the crazy. Never letting me down for 27 years.

P.S. Hi new people the beautiful Janet sent over! It is sad but true and also embarrassing. The Red Power Ranger (Jason, to his friends) was one of my childhood crushes.

Gimme More

2008-05-04T18:41:00.005-04:00

When I find something I like I go a little crazy. Whether it's a person, a place, a TV show or especially food. Obviously I have some impulse issues. Sometimes my obsessions can be helpful. Like when I met Captain Awesome and I wanted to be around him all the time and eventually tricked him into marrying me. Or like when I got into going to the gym. I threw myself into it and went 5 to 6 times a week. Sometimes it doesn't affect things like when I started watching Girl's Next Door and TiVo'd every episode and was online "researching" the show.

And then there's food. I like a lot of variety in my diet but I easily get into ruts. Like the time I bought several pounds of cherries and ate them in one afternoon, by myself. Needless to say I was a tad uncomfortable that evening and did a tiny bit of whining and complaining (read: a lot...no, more than that). Captain Awesome has encouraged me to not buy quite so many cherries at one time. After my first delectable bite of Tandorri chicken I was hooked. I begged Captain to eat Indian many times per week and may have pouted a little when he forced me to eat something else.

So this weekend watermelon was 39 cents per pound at the store. (Can you see where this is going?) I got a watermelon "filet" (seriously, it's called a filet! I think because it's a big piece of watermelon with the rind cut off. The name alone sold me). I got home, cut it up and put it in a large tupperware container so I could eat it throughout the week. But I had some time before I was supposed to meet some friends so I ate a little bit. And when I got home I had a little more. And I had it for breakfast on Sunday. And as my mid-morning snack, and for lunch. And.....
Do I need to go on? I had eaten it all in two days. But I still want more. Excuse me, I have to go somewhere.

Doormat or Good Friend

2008-05-01T09:15:00.002-04:00

There is a big range on the friend scale. Starting with people that you see regularly, maybe at work, but you don't really make plans with. Working in a big company there are plenty of people I make small talk with on the elevator and meet for the occasional lunch but we never see each other outside of work. Then there are old friends that have seen you through the awkward years of childhood or teens and have seen and accepted all the changes that come with growing up. These people you can see after two years and conversation just flows. They're almost like family.

But between the casual and the intimate there is a big gray area. Everyone knows it gets trickier to meet people the older you get. There's a divide between singles, marrieds and people with kids. Not to say you can't be friends with people in the other category but there is a comfort in knowing someone is going through the same things you are. Most people meet friends through work or by joining clubs. Sometimes you are introduced by a spouse or another friend. Ofter you see them in a big group for a while. Then you have the awkward friend first date when you get together one on one to see if you actually like each other. If you do, then you make time in your schedule to meet or talk or just keep in contact.

When we moved to Cincinnati, Captain Awesome made friends quickly with the people he worked with. I was slower in meeting people but I put myself out there and joined a couple book clubs, made an effort to get out of the house and slowly, I formed a circle of friends that I really enjoy. My book club has introduced me to women that make me laugh and teach me new things. We are diverse enough that there is always at least one person up for an activity. I have been to some amazing restaurants and been able to explore Cincinnati thanks to these amazing women.

And then there's this other friend. I'll call her Jewel for the sake of the story. I met Jewel because her husband worked with the Captain. Before I was working I would meet him and some co-workers for lunch and one time she came. She had a flexible schedule and seemed nice so we exchanged numbers. We did things together and although on paper we seemed like a good match, we had a lot of differences. And not the good kind. I didn't like the way she and her husband would fight constantly when we met them for dinner. I didn't agree with her conservative values. I felt like she was always trying to prove how cosmopolitan and sophisticated she was. But I had no idea how to get out of this friendship. She didn't really have many friends in town and I sometimes had a good time when we got together. She is really good hearted. She was always willing to take care of the cats when we went on vacation and was super supportive after the Captain left.

So what to do? I don't think it's worth it to hurt her feelings especially since I'm leaving in a month and will most likely not keep in touch. But I am annoyed with her constant calls. Because I am a wuss and hate to say no I feel pressured into meeting with her even though I don't want to. I childishly screen her calls and make up excuses. I don't have answers and probably won't figure it out. I will probably meet with her a couple more times before I leave and will give myself a time limit so I can gracefully leave. So am I being a doormat by not addressing the problems and standing up to her, or am I being nice and letting this relationship die naturally.

The one thing I do know is that I won't let my issues with Jewel affect my friendship with my book club friends. I will continue to have fun and laugh and eat with them. I hope I will be able to stay in touch with them and I hope I can take their senses of adventure with me to NC and use it to meet more friends.

Finally!

2008-04-28T13:42:00.003-04:00

Captain Awesome and I had a long talk last week. We weighed everything out, pros and cons, and decided that is was no longer worth it for me to stay in Cincinnati. After looking at a calendar we decided that I will move down to NC the week before Memorial day. I'm super excited for our little family to be reunited. Luckily, the Captain's job is paying for movers to pack all our stuff and get it to NC. We will be renting a house in NC so the movers can take things directly from here to there and we won't need to store anything. So, Yay!

I've been alternating between happiness and oh my god I'm moving across the country in a month. I feel like I've got things under control but then I think of fifty million more things I need to do before the move. Of course the Captain is doing what he can and getting the house set up down there which is very helpful. And the fact that I don't have to pack or lift anything makes me smiley. I have a notebook full of lists and made a calendar of when I should do different things like canceling utilites and forwarding the mail. There is also a list of what is going in the car with me including 3 cats and 2 litter boxes. Yet I'm still feeling anxious.

My parents have volunteered to come up and help. Also, the Captain has talked about flying up. But it just doesn't make sense considering how high gas prices (and airfare) are getting. When we moved to Cincy, Captain was up here about a month before me so I coordinated the move and everything was fine so in my brain I know I can do it with a minimum of fuss. But still.... It's nice to have someone there just in case. Someone to help with the disgusting cleaning that has to be done after all the furniture is moved out. Someone to help wrangle the cats into their crates and talk over their complaining. Someone to ride with me and get gas on the 12 hour drive. Instead I'll have to trick my friends and maybe some relatives to come help me. Then pop in a book on CD and just go for it.

I swear I did not plan for this to be a pity party. I've reached my whining limit for the month and I'm not really upset or sad about any of this. I feel like a kid waiting for my birthday and moving day just can't come fast enough. Patience has never been my strong suit. As soon as I decide to do something I just want to make it happen. I've scheduled lots of activities plus I'll work up until the end so hopefully that will distract me. So count down to moving day begins now, T minus 22 days. NC or Bust!

Nerd Alert

2008-04-24T13:25:00.003-04:00

Most of you know by now I am giant nerd. I love the library and love trying new styles and authors. Recently I've been on a culinary kick and been reading biographies of chefs and histories of food. Last time I was wandering the library I noticed a title that jogged my memory. Keeping with my nerdiness theme I listen to NPR probably too much. I heard this author talking about the book and was super interested, then promptly forgot about it. It's not a work of great literature that has a global theme and will teach me about myself.

It's All the Presidents' Pastries by Roland Mesnier. Yes, I am reading a book about desserts in the White House. And the really sad part? I LOVE it. I was up until midnight reading it and brought it to work so I could read more at lunch.

Chef Mesnier was raised poor in France and traveled all over the world learning about desserts. His specialty is spun sugar and he can craft it into any shape. So far he has talked about the Carters and the Reagans but I'm only halfway through. He doesn't talk about politics but more about personalities. I highly recommend it.

And my book club book for Tuesday, is sitting sadly on my night stand where I've abandoned it for red, white and blue sorbets and French pastries.

I Take it All Back

2008-04-23T08:54:00.002-04:00

I was re-reading my last post and ended up making myself mad. I fell into the oldest stupidest trap in the book, acting like the dumb girl to get some laughs. While I admit to telling some "dumb blond" jokes in my day I never think watching a woman pretend to be stupid is funny. I make lots of mistakes in every day life but overall, I do a damn good job of it all.

I'm proud of how I've kept myself together for basically four months of living by myself. I've NEVER lived by myself before and the fact that I keep a medium sized house, work 40 hours a week and take care of three cats on my own is awesome. I do yard work (rake leaves, mow grass, trim bushes) and work inside the house. With help I re-caulked the tub. I have to keep the place nice for prospective buyers and I do it! Even though I hate to vacuum I do it once a week. I don't let laundry pile up and I pick up the house every night.

I have been strict about going to the gym and try to make nutritious meals for myself. Although I do eat in front of the TV I eat steamed veggies and Popsicles instead of junk. Ok, some junk but who really counts Cheetos as junk? I feed the cats twice a day and scoop the litter. I keep them and myself on a regular schedule so we're all happier. I run errands, go grocery shopping and return my library books on time.

I have learned a lot about our finances and pay almost all the bills. Captain Awesome sends me money to put into our account but I use most of my paycheck and I write the checks and mail them. I budget eating out and haven't bought new clothes in a while.

I have had my sad moments but have kept my eye on the goal of selling the house and getting settled in NC with Captain Awesome. I try not to let a bad mood ruin my day. I have gotten over my fear of being alone and actually enjoy my weekends when I can read in silence for hours.

There are still lots of unknowns and while they can sometimes be overwhelming I don't let them get to me. I just keep doing what I'm doing and embrace each new challenge as it comes up. I am still in awe of people who figure these lessons out early in life or who are forced to confront their fears. I have so much respect for army wives who go through this every year.

I will not be the "little ol' me" female stereotype anymore or downplay my accomplishments. I rock! Go me!

Reasons I Should Not Live Alone

2008-04-21T13:43:00.004-04:00

After almost 5 months of Captain Awesome and I living in separate states I have learned that I cannot handle the responsibility of my own life. Here's a few reasons...

-I sleep through natural disasters. I live in Cincinnati where lots of people felt the earthquake last Friday. I have three cats that love to play and chase each other in the early morning. If they think I'm awake they will dog pile on top of me and cry because even though their food dish is full they need MORE and RIGHT NOW or FIVE MINUTE AGO. Since they have resisted my attempts to teach them to tell time and you just can't reason with them, I pretend to be asleep to trick my cats. (I'm pathetic). When I felt the bed move I assumed that one or more cats had jumped up so I played possum and went back to sleep. Honestly, I'm still not sure if it was the cats or an earthquake. I possibly should add some Diet cat food to my grocery list.

-I forget to buy important stuff on my grocery list. I pass PetSmart every day AND was at the grocery on Sunday and I STILL forgot to buy food for the only other things, besides myself, I am responsible for. Last night I used the last of the cat food and thought "better remember to stop at PetSmart tomorrow night." This morning I looked at the cabinet where the food is kept reminded myself "Get food at PetSmart on the way home today!" Guess what happened. Guess who didn't remember until after she mowed the lawn and was a sweaty beast in shorts and a tank top? Guess who was guilted into going to the Kroger so her poor spoiled, earthquake-like babies didn't miss one meal?

-I hate being alone when I'm sick. I got an awful cold last weekend. Since I'm a drama queen we'll call it the Death Cold. I thought it was allergies but my throat hurt and I had a fever, wah. I was miserable and was forced to call Captain Awesome and try to convince him to drive 14 hours to bring me some orange Gatorade and Ginger Ale, and some soup, and some candy, and a movie. After two days of moaning and no sleep I finally took the Captain's advice and went to a Doc-In-the-Box kind of place. I cried in the waiting room because everyone else had someone with them and then the doctor didn't take my complaint seriously enough. (Actually he was very nice and gave me some awesome drugs but he did not hug me and offer me a cold washcloth for my head and drive me home and pick up my perscriptions at the Kroger which, come on, that seemed like the NICE response to poor pitiful me).

-I can't be trusted with perscription drugs. In my defense I was sick (you have to say it in a sad but very whiny voice). I did not really listen to the pharmacists instructions for the various pills and potions she gave me. I took everything as soon as I got home which was sweet relief. Then I was confused by labels that said take every 12 hours. Should I wake up at 2:30 am to comply with instructions or just start fresh the next day? And when the cough syrup says it may make me drowsy, how drowsy is it? Turns out VERY drowsy and should not be taken after midnight when you have to get to work at 8am the next day. You will be high at work for several hours.

And that brings us to today. I actually did clean the kitchen, weed the front beds and vacuum yesterday. Today I did laundry and mowed the lawn so I have proved that I'm not a total failure as a grown-up. Or maybe I'm just getting better at faking it.

Shaking My Fist at the Sky

2008-04-18T08:40:00.002-04:00

I'm sick. It's gross and my throat hurts and I feel like crap. Although I do have the sexy deep voice, that is only a little bit ruined by a hacking cough. Come on over boys! I am a huge baby when I'm sick so I've been lying on the couch eating junk and moaning.

Of course the weather is beautiful and I can see the sun shining on my pile of Kleenexes. I wish I could go outside and mow my jungle-like grass and admire my tulips but for right now I'm going to watch my 1 millionth episode of Law & Order and maybe take another nap.

Does This Look Ok?

2008-04-15T15:53:00.002-04:00

Last night at the gym someone asked me this question about their work-out outfit. It was extremely awkward and weird. I (of course) gave the safe, nice answer of "It looks cute" with a lot of smiling and nodding. And then running away.

Everyone has asked that question at least once in their lives. Or there are people who need constant validation and ask their husbands this question every time they leave the house. And after getting the answer "You look nice" follow it up with an even more annoying question, "Just nice?". I would not know anything about these people and Captain Awesome doesn't either, so don't worry about asking him.

In general this is not a bad question to ask. Sometimes you just can't tell if the outfit you put together is a fashion risk or just scary. Sometimes you really can't see your ass in a dressing room mirror and need a second opinion. But there is a time and a place for asking this question. First of all you must ask someone you trust and who loves you. Not a stranger at the gym.

Rule number two is don't ask the question if there is no opportunity to change the outfit. This person had no other clothes with them so what were they going to do it I looked at them and said, "no, those cut off sweat pants make you look stumpy and they are too big." It would have been terrible for everyone. I don't mind giving my true opinion in a dressing room or at a store. I try to be constructive and offer alternates. Example: "You have such long legs I think you can really show them off better in these shorts." or "you must not realize how much weight you've lost, try a different size". See? Nicer but getting the point across.

The third rule is a good piece of Mom advice. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. I can't imagine this poor girl actually WANTED my opinion so I have to assume she was just fishing for compliments. At the gym. From a girl in a sweaty tank top and pants decorated with cat hair. Maybe she should find someone else for fashion advice next time.

*Yay me! I had my weigh in and I have lost 12 lbs since January! Rock On*

Quarter Life Crisis?

2008-04-14T15:45:00.002-04:00

First of all, I totally cursed myself by writing about good sleep. Last night I was in that weird place where you know you're not asleep but you are definitely not awake. Until 4 AM. Yuck.

I enjoy a lot of different blogs but usually gravitate towards women with no kids in their late 20's. I mean their blogs, not them, well sometimes them, but not to date or anything, just reading their blogs... So some of them have been talking about this Quarter Life crisis thing. I feel like I need to capitalize it since anything with crisis in the title seems important. Unless you're a drama queen like me and my crisis' include running out of Popsicles, forgetting a hair band for the gym or having to choose between a Law & Order SVU rerun or a What Not to Wear rerun. But back to my point. I don't know if I've had this "Crisis" or not. I'll be 28 in May which seems a little close to 30 for my taste. Not that I think I'll hate 30 but it's become my imaginary goal to have my life "together" by then. I think I had the same problem at 25. My younger 18-21 year old self just figured that 25 year old Celia would have her shit together. No more money worries, career settled and going strong, the whole marriage thing down pat. But 25 came and went and I still felt like I was making it up as I went along. I constantly have the feeling that everyone else is totally together and I'm scurrying along wondering how the hell I got my "adult" card.

On the one hand I know that I have tons of great things in my life and I have grown A LOT since I was 22. I am married to my best friend, I have a house that I L-O-V-E love, I have three cats that I almost always remember to feed and water (just kidding Captain!). I have matured to the point where I am caring less about what the world thinks about me and more about what I think. I am MUCH better about communicating my needs and ideas instead of expecting people (mostly Captain Awesome) to read my mind and pouting when they don't. My marriage is stronger than ever and I am convinced we are willing to put in the time and work to keep it strong. I'm in a job I really enjoy which has made me look at what I like and don't like in a job/career.

So why do I still feel like I'm floundering? Every time I pay a bill late because we're short on money I feel like a failure. Every time I go out in public I still worry about my outfit being all wrong. I read about 22 year olds starting their own companies and being super successful. Is this a Quarter Life Crisis? Or is this regular neuroses that everyone has in one form or another? For the record no one in my life including the Captain, our families or friends has ever said anything that would make me believe they think I haven't met their expectations. It's all pressure I put on myself to meet imaginary goals at a time I've made up.

Generally I'm happy with life but these little doubts pop up every once in a while. Is it healthier to drive myself to meet these goals (and possibly make myself a basket case) or better to allow life to take me where ever I'm "meant" to go (which kind of feels like a cop out)? Maybe it's just one of those mysteries of life like "what's the sound of one hand clapping" or "how many run on sentences will I use in this post?"

I really did not mean this post to become so dramatic and re-reading it I sound more desperate/confused than I really am. I guess it's nice to get some validation that there are other 20 year olds out there that have these same feelings. Here are some of my goals for my 30 year old self. Hopefully I'll still be blogging and can look back on them either to laugh at my naivete or check them off.

By 30 I will:
-Have a savings account with more than $500 in it at all times
-Have paid off most of my debt
-Either be pregnant or have a time-line for having kids (don't be scared Captain!)
-Have saved enough or be close to having enough to buy a house we love
-Be able to leave the house without changing outfits a million times 75% of the time
-Continue to be healthy but accept my hips and belly as part of me
-Continue to cherish my husband and make time to tell him I love him every day
-Have a job I enjoy which challenges me but does not take over my life

Wish me luck!

Mmmm Sleep

2008-04-13T20:27:00.002-04:00

The human body is so funny. You can go for weeks with just a little sleep and feel fine. But the minute you have a chance to sleep, Boom! you're down for the count. I went out for a drink on Friday and ended up leaving at 11. I got home, put on my PJ's and ear plugs and slept. It was amazing. I woke up about 6:30 and went immediately back to sleep. I finally woke up at 11:30. Almost 12 hours of sleep and I feel great. I got some errands run, cleaned the house and met a friend for a movie. We went to a coffee house for a drink and a snack. **I always get the Brie snack there. It's melted Brie topped with honey, walnuts and dried cranberries. You dip apples in this little puddle of heaven.** At 11 I was yawning and tired again! This morning I was up early, met some family for brunch and then walked around the Art Museum and Krohn conservatory. We got back about 4 and I haven't left the couch yet.

I have a hard time allowing myself to be lazy on the weekends. I always feel like there is a million things I should be doing. I get antsy thinking about piles of laundry, dishes, tumbleweeds of cat hair and toothpaste crusted sinks. I also punish myself for not cooking healthy and delicious meals instead of just steaming veggies or making popcorn. I should go to the gym or hike in a park or take advantage of the cultural oportunities of my city instead of watching TV and playing games on the computer. I don't know if this is a female thing or just me. As much as I complain I really do like a clean house and good meals and hiking. I just don't love taking responsibility and doing them. I guess someday I'll figure out relaxing vs. being industrious. Until then, I have a few more hours of Law & Order to watch.

PS Try the Green Giant "Healthy Option" veggies. They steam in the microwave and are aweome!

Too Much Information...Hurting My Brain

2008-04-11T10:17:00.002-04:00

Yes it has now been 10 days since I last posted. My semi-excuse is I was busy traveling and helping with my sister's wedding but I didn't leave until April 2nd and got back on Monday. What was my problem the other days? One word: Procrastination. I had SO much I wanted to say about the wedding (beautiful and fun) and traveling (awful) and other stuff in general (whining) that I knew it would be a massive boring post. So I just put my fingers in my ears and hummed quietly while looking at shiny stuff.

So I'm going with my old standby-BULLET POINTS!!! Yeah!

WEDDING:

This was one of the funnest weddings I have ever been to, great people, great DJ and perfectly planned by my mom and sister
L (my sister) was a WONDERFUL bride. Not only was she gorgeous (damn her) but she was calm and friendly and made all her guests feel extremely welcome and special.
C (her husband (!)) is a great guy and they are very compatible. He was charming and took time to talk to everyone.
I got teared up watching his face when he saw L for the first time. They are obviously in love.
Open bar + yummy steak AND chicken dinner=happy happy Celia
Got to spend time with Captain Awesome!!!
He was the MVP of the wedding
There was a problem with L's wedding ring. She got it shipped to her and they messed up the order. Then the shipper (rhymes with MedMex) LOST the package on the Thursday before the wedding. After MANY phone calls, each one crabbier than the last we finally located the package at 1pm on the day of the wedding, which started at 5. Captain drove 30 miles in his suit in the rain and arrived in time for pictures at 3pm.
My brother is an awesome dancer.
My youngest sister (who is 20) is beautiful and fun. Many guys were hitting on her but no one made it through the screening process of her brother and two brother-in-laws. It was so sweet how protective of her they are.
I think it should be a law that the last song of a wedding reception should be Shout. It gets everyone on the floor and ends on a high note.
All the bridesmaids ditched their high heels for flip flops in the car on the way to the reception.

TRAVELING

I hate flying. Not the "in the air" part but the waiting in a cold airport with no food, then waiting in line to get on the plane, then waiting on the plane, then waiting in line to get off the plane, then waiting to get your bags.
Please don't suggest I carry bags on. I always pack too much and I hate carrying a bag. The faster the massive one ton suitcase gets out of my hands the better.
I flew SkyBus....and got stuck in NC after they shut down on Saturday.
My return ticket (one way) was more than my ticket on Skybus.
I had huge delays on my return flight. To go from NC to OH took about 8 hours.
I hate the DC airport.
I hate eating at the airport-it's so expensive and it's not that good.
Good News: I won't have to fly for at least 6 more months.
Bless you people who travel for work. I would have gone crazy and started stabbing people a long time ago.

I made it home and have been playing catch-up. Although I had fun I got no sleep so I've been exhausted. And I had to return to my "adult" life of paying bills and doing chores. Yeah Me!

Feasting Weekend

2008-03-31T11:57:00.002-04:00

Hello darling blog-world! I woke up this morning and realized, Wow! I'm leaving for NC on Wednesday...of this week...like two days! How did this happen? especially since I talked to Captain Awesome twice this weekend about things he wanted me to bring down? Here's what my brain had been thinking; my flight is for April 2nd. It's now March. So logically I won't be leaving for a month. Ta-Da! (Now you get an idea of what Captain Awesome lives with every day. Isn't he lucky?) (Also, while editing this post I realized I typed "thinkin" because I'm a hillbilly.) I am usually pretty organized when it comes to packing. I write out a list of things to pack in the suitcase, things to carry on and things to do. I've already discussed my clean house before I leave for vacation problem. I don't feel too stressed right now since I'm in the wedding I have an outfit for that. Plus rehearsal dinner and then it's just look pretty clothes. It will be warm in NC so I don't need my usual 1 million sweaters, socks, hat, etc crap that takes up space. I'm carrying on my bridesmaid's dress and the Captain's suit to make sure there's no last minute crisis's.

As I mentioned before I've been watching my calories and working out in order to be pretty for my sister's wedding. So naturally this weekend I ate everything fried, sugary or high in calories I laid my eyes on. Friday I had a doughnut for breakfast and then mac and cheese for dinner (plus lunch but it was semi-healthy). Then a friend called and wanted to go out and who was I to refuse? I was tired so I had some vodka red bulls and then switched to light beer. As we were driving home we passed a Steak n Shake which is open 24 hours! In my slightly tipsy state I decided I needed onion rings and a big chocolate milkshake. And it was delicious! Then I went home and crashed.

Saturday I was a total slug and watched TV for most of the morning (ok, really until about 1pm) and snacking on dried apricots and dark chocolate. A friend called to see if I wanted to go hiking but my lazy ass and tired legs declined for me. Plus we had an open house on Sunday and I needed to pretty up the house (ie mopping the basement floor (yuck) and cleaning bathrooms (even worse) and vacuuming up cat hair tumbleweeds (ew)). After about 2 hours of cleaning I had just enough time to shower, change clothes 100 times and meet the book club for a super yummy dinner. We went here which was amazing. I ate split pea and crab dip, yummy wine, the tenderest pork belly I've ever had with lentils and walnuts and then cake. Plus we all tasted each other's dishes. My pork was incredible but I also loved the scallops. They have a Duck Sloppy Joe that Captain Awesome would have loved.

Sunday I got up early (for me, on a Sunday-about 9) and did last minute cleaning and getting ready. The open house was from 12-2 so I took my laptop to Starbucks (I know, so yuppie of me). I had a grande chai latte (Mmmm) and then went to the gym.
*Quick note about the gym, I love my facility but I am still not in love with the actual working out part. I have to be distracted by TV or music so I don't quit after 5 minutes because boo, tired and sweating and bored. There was only TWO elliptical machines with TV's working and they were both in use. I seriously almost went home. I "ran" on a treadmill until one of the machines became available. God, Starbucks and a gym complaint? I am starting to hate myself at this point.*

I came home and got changed and then was reading on my bed for a while. About 6pm I fed the cats and went downstairs. I went to the bathroom and had pain. I started to get pissed (no pun intended) about possibly getting a UTI right before the wedding and this better not be any flu or crap like that. And how was I going to fit in a Dr. appointment before I left and maybe they could just call some antibiotics in for me, etc. And then I realized I had not eaten anything except my latte that day. People, this is huge for me. I'm not the type of person to miss meals, EVER. I eat three plus times per day. I hear other people talk about how they just forgot to eat all day and I think, HOW??? The pain I had was my stomach eating itself alive. And it wanted Penn Station sausage and pepper sandwich and fries. I got home and promptly ate it in about 5 seconds.

The rest of the night included moaning on the coach how much my stomach hurt and eating Tums and lots of pretty lady-like burping. Because I'm Klassy like that.

What day is it again?

2008-03-28T12:18:00.003-04:00

Happy Wednesday! What? It's freaking Friday? Damn it. I mean yay weekend and everything but where is my time going? Before I started this blog I read a lot and thought about stuff I could write about every day. And now, I got nothing. Partly because I'm a lazy ass who would rather watch L&O SVU instead of reaching all the way over to the other couch cushion and making my little fingers get all type-y.

I'll start first with some lame excuses. I have had a crazy couple days at work that involved not sitting down for two days while I ran around setting up meeting after meeting. And I'm getting excited about my sister's wedding and I've been doing prep stuff like getting my dress altered and going to the gym because I WILL lose 20 pounds in the next week. I met with my realtor Tuesday to discuss selling the house and I was emotionally drained after that. Plus the Captain is having a hard time and I worry about him.

And now on with the lame post. There is a guy I work with we'll call the Recycling Nazi or RN. Before you send hate mail or forward me emails please realize I do recycle and believe in Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and global warming, etc. The RN takes the good act of recycling and makes it a punishment. Our company works toward being "green" but we're not perfect. We recycle cans, glass and plastic bottles. We also recycle white paper. The RN makes his team bring all other recyclable materials to his admin so that SHE can drive them to the recycling center once a week. She does not want to collect trash in her office and drive it in her car but he is such a baby she does it to shut him up. I have worked hard to make sure recycling bins are directly beside trash cans at my meetings so when people leave they can throw their plastic bottles into the bins instead of trashing them. This morning he came to me complaining because he looked in the trash can and someone had thrown away a plastic bottle. Seriously? I almost laughed in his face. I do not have the time or inclination to stand by all trash cans when people leave and throw by body at them if they try to throw a freaking aluminum can in the trash. And I'm certainly not picking through 1/2 drunk cups of coffee and danish crumbs to get the recyclables out.

Like I said, I agree that recycling is the right thing to do and we should encourage it. If the RN wants to save his trash and recycle it, more power to him. But when he starts creating more work or problems for me, he crosses the line between good citizen of the earth and asshat.

Now back to Jon & Kate plus 8 and 1/2 price Easter candy.

I am NOT Pregnant

2008-03-24T20:51:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking about this post since Wednesday night. I do blog anonmously but I try to follow the mantra to never write something on the blog I wouldn't say to someone's face.

I have always wanted kids. I had three younger siblings that I was a second mother to. When Captain Awesome and I were getting serious I made sure we talked about our feelings on the subject. At one point in our marriage he mentioned that he may not want to have kids and it caused me a big dilema since I could not agree or compromise with that. We have discussed it further and made our decisions.

This weekend made me question my resolve.

Some family members visited me with children (all girls) this weekend. After one day I was annoyed and stressed. With the Captain gone I've gotten used to my routine and the peacefulness of my house. Even when he was here we had quiet evenings and Sundays where we read or messed around on the computer. I like that my house is a haven where I can relax and unwind after a crazy day. The kids were loud and crazy and emotional and I was drained. I love my schedule and I become a not so nice person when I am forced to conform to someone else's life. I know I'm selfish. And then it hit me, that is what being a parent is all about. Am I ready for that? If I'm honest with myself I just don't know.

I think it must be different when they're your own children but is it different enough? I like the kids that were here but I don't think I "love" them. That love between parents and children has to bridge some of the gap. Also, I see these kids once or twice a year for a couple days. By the time we're getting used to each other being around the visit is over. So being with my child every day will allow me to adjust my attitude, right? But that's just everyday stuff. What about tantrums and illness and *shudder* puberty. How will I handle that? I'm officially freaked out by the whole experience. I love reading so called "mommy blogs" and hearing stories about other people's kids. But I don't know if I have it in me to become a graceful, funny, flexible person responsible for someone else's life.

I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I still feel strongly that having kids is extremely important to me but I think I'm looking at the situation with the eyes of an adult instead of a little girl pretending her dolls are her babies.

Fit or Fat

2008-03-18T22:00:00.003-04:00

I weighed in for unofficial Weight Watchers today and, drum roll please.....I've lost 10 pounds since starting all this madness mid January. Turns out "the experts" are right. Eat less, exercise more does really work. The amazing hilarious writer blogger Jen Lancaster is holding a contest where her readers have to tell a weight loss story. First of all, stop reading my little puny blog and click on that link RIGHT NOW. She is fantastic and will make you laugh until you spit water and then laugh some more. Her third book is coming out and you must buy it! Don't forget to come back!

Are you done wiping the Coke from your keyboards? OK, back to me. I have been reading some of the submissions and they are absolutely ripping my heart out. (Notice I have not submitted because I am a huge wuss and would never have the guts to comment on her site.) The whole issue of weight loss, perfection, acceptance, body image and everything else is so personal and crazy. I have been working hard to lose weight so that I would feel better about myself. Period. I am so incredibly lucky that no one in my life has ever said anything to me about my weight, ever. Captain Awesome met me when I was in college and basically hiked around mountains and had a great ass. Unfortunately after I got a desk job I also got cellulite. Sexy! He has put up with my whining about wanting to lose weight, complaining, buying too many clothes and then more whining and some extra complaining. He always tells me that I look the same to him no matter what I weigh. That may not be the most romantic idea but I get a lot of happiness and security knowing that my outward appearance is not what he loves most about me.

I also am sick about all the stories where parents (mostly mothers) have put 8 or 9 year-olds on diets. In this day of childhood obesity I think parents should encourage healthy eating and exercise but telling your pre-teen daughter or son they are so unacceptable they need a diet makes me angry. If they really are unhealthy then as a parent maybe you need to re-examine the foods you are offering them. If you just think they're "chunky" you obviously have some internal issues you need to resolve before setting your child on the road to a lifetime of stress. My mother is skinny. She's beautiful and curvy but the woman has not an ounce of fat on her and she's had four children. Growing up we never talked about weight in our family. My parents sacrificed so that my mom could stay home with us. She packed our lunches with a sandwich, fruit, veggie and dessert every day for school. (Yes, even in high school, I was a spoiled brat I know). At dinner we had salad, entree (meatless 2 days a week), starch and dessert (fruit with whipped cream in the summer). We had to try everything on our plates but we were never forced to finish. She taught us portion control and that balanced meals are better. Due to genes and good parenting my younger sister, L and my brother and I were all pretty scrawny kids. L and my brother are still skinny and amazing. My youngest sister, A, was a little heavier but not dangerously so. She got taller and became an amazing, confident woman with a kick ass bod. My dad quit smoking (yay dad) and gained weight. He now works out three days a week and has lost tons of weight. For all of our different body sizes we just didn't talk about weight, good or bad. It was a non-issue in my family. We knew we had to eat healthy foods because of heart disease but not to be "prettier". I had friends whose mothers obsessed about their weight and guess what? their daughters learned to obsess too. My mom was (and is) a great believer in the healing power of chocolate milkshakes so when any of us were having a bad day we piled into the car and went to get small shakes. In my house food did not equal bad.

It wasn't until I got to college that I learned that skinny=pretty=better. Because I did lots of drinking and did not eat healthy meals I gained weight. I also was very active and slept through many meals so I lost weight. I wasn't the skinniest or the fattest girl so I was ok with it.

And then I got a job. Lots of sitting plus available rich and tasty food was not good for my body. But here's where I got stuck. My mom had never seemed to work at losing weight and I had NO idea how to make this go away. I tried not eating but I got really crabby and headachy and hungry. I just kept buying bigger clothes. Then I switched jobs and got super busy and missed meals and fit back into my smaller clothes. Then I switched jobs and got incredibly stressed so that I was nauseated all day, missed lunch and worked through lunch and dinner on Saturdays. I got to buy even smaller clothes. Yay me! But wait, I still had not learned anything about keeping my body healthy.

When we moved to Ohio I was buying size 6's. I was bored and lonely and we ate out a lot. I didn't do anything active. I was soon wearing 10-12's again. I was miserable. Captain Awesome didn't complain. My family never said anything. I just felt sluggish and yuck. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. When Captain Awesome moved to NC at the beginning of the year I decided to lose some weight. I had heard good things about South Beach, I considered diet pills, I thought about fasting or cleanses and then I realized, these would not work for me again. Maybe in the short term I would lose weight but I would gain it all back and again have learned nothing. (For the record, I never considered Atkins-all that meat makes my stomach turn and any diet where I can't eat an orange just doesn't make sense to me).

My first week at the gym I weighed 150 pounds. Not terrible but at 5'2" it was not a good weight for me. I did research to find out what a healthy weight is for someone of my height and age. I did research to look at healthy nutritious meal options. I swallowed my pride put on a pair of sneakers and sweated my ass off in front of strangers. The first week I lost a pound. I celebrated. Slowly but surely it has been coming off. I have set backs and days when I crave Burger King. I allow myself the chicken sandwich and fries and then go to the gym. I learned what I like on salads (turned out carrots and spray dressing-balsamic vinaigrette) and make them at home. I have cereal if I'm not hungry for a full meal and then have a piece of chocolate cake.

Don't get me wrong, I am super proud of the ten pounds. But I'm prouder of the fact that I have gained knowledge. I'm prouder that I don't think of food as the enemy or eating dessert as "being bad". I'm finding the energetic me who is happy with herself, hips, boobs and all. Good luck to everyone trying to lose weight. It's hard and requires some growing up no one wants to do. Figure out why you want to do this and then aim high. You can do it!
End of extra cheeseyness-but I seriously do believe everything I wrote in this post.

Loony Lister

2008-03-16T20:24:00.002-04:00

I love making lists. I am a natural planner and worrier so lists are a great way for me to plan and get things off my mind. If I don't write stuff down then I will stew and get anxious. Thoughts will swirl around (especially at night) until they eventually overwhelm me. Writting things down puts things in perspective.

My entire family are listmakers. Some of my earliest memories are my entire family sitting around the kitchen table making packing lists for vacations or chore lists for the weekends. My sister, L, is getting married and while I've been making packing/chore lists she's been making "To Do" lists and my mom has been making more lists. It's a sickness, I know.

Last week I created a calendar and wrote in all the stuff I want to get done before I leave town for the wedding. Saturday I got LOTS of crap done. Here's my list for Saturday:
Meet with Accountant-check!
Go to Library-check!
Gym-check!
Clean house-Check (ish) I straightened but not scrubbing
Laundry
Grocery-Check!
Pick Up Perscription-Check!
Hair Trimmed-Check!

Also I met with some friends and had some drinks in North Side Saturday night. Yay Me!

And then today I slept late and sat on the couch watching a marathon of What Not To Wear and eating lots of crap including my new favorite snack ever dark chocolate dipped dried apricots. Which was not on my list. Oh screw the list today.

The Post Where I Avoid the Real Issues

2008-03-13T22:24:00.002-04:00

This week has been rough at Chez C. The strain of being apart from Captain Awesome is starting to get me down plus money stuff, house stuff, job stuff blah blah blah. Basically it culminated in a big melt down Tuesday night. I have a confession, Hi my name is C and I am a crier. At sad movies, at songs (the first time I heard Sarabeth by Rascal Flatts I was sobbing), when I'm happy but I cry the most when I'm angry/frustrated. It's one of the few ways I allow bad feelings to be expressed. My repression of anger/sadness can be saved for a whole nother post. I actually like the release and I always feel amazing afterwards. Like this is the saddest I can be, there's nowhere to go but up. Although outlook is better I will never be described as a pretty crier. Unless you think red face, swollen eyes and dripping snot are pretty. So long, gross story short, I cried, I talked to Captain Awesome, I feel better. Nothing has actually been fixed but talking it out with my best friend plus a little emotional purge helped.

Why I really wrote this post is to mentally smack everyone who did not force me to watch my new favorite show America's Next Top Model. This is not a Captain Awesome show and we just got DVR and I taped (recorded, saved, whatever-you know what I mean) the last few episodes and I am officially hooked. I totally called the last two eliminations and I heart the drama. I'm kind of over Tyra since she tries SO hard but she's only in the last few minutes so I can survive. So yeah, loving this show.

Now back to more avoidance techniques, la la la. Look a pretty pony!

A Little Advice from a Friend

2008-03-10T15:34:00.002-04:00

Gather round kids while I drop some pearls of wisdom on ya.

If there is any question that yogurt may be spoiled just throw it out. Don't smell it (with a stuffed up nose) then pop a spoonful into your mouth. It will taste like musty sour cream and you will get food poisoning causing you to puke yogurt and grapes into your office trashcan.

So I've heard....from a friend....yeah.

Rock on kiddies while I eat some delicious crackers!

Snowday on a Saturday? What a Gyp!

2008-03-08T19:47:00.004-05:00

I really need to post but I just haven't been inspired. I could write another boring "Here's my day" post or list some things in my purse but it's been done before by people way funnier than me.

Yesterday we got hit by a big blizzard. I know many of you have had snow all winter but in Cincinnati we've only had a few days of 1-2". It started snowing at 8:00 am and just kept going. We had a lot of events planned so I was expecting a busy and somewhat crappy day. We got the announcement about 11:30. The office was closing at noon! Everyone was freaking out like kids on a snow day. Laughing and making jokes people were rushing through their work so they could leave. We had 4 lunches scheduled and one of them was cancelled. Two more called and since it was too late to cancel asked us to pack up the lunches individually so the team could take them home. I left about 12:30, yay! I stopped at the gym and did a quick workout. **The guy in front of my on a bike was watching TV with his headphones. I guess he was watching something funny and was hysterical laughing out loud. I could hear him with my headphones on and he cracked me up. I had to keep pretending I was coughing so the person beside me wouldn't think I was a freak and laughing to myself.**

I spend the rest of the day watching my new favorite channel Investigation Discovery. It has lots of great shows about crime and detectives. I also watched Holmes on Homes. This guy Mike Holmes (who I have a mini crush on) comes in to help people who have been scammed by shady contractors. He fixes the mistakes and makes the house better than before. I <3 this show and sadly watched 3 hours of it. Through all this, it was still snowing really hard.
I kept checking outside and it was coming down.

So this morning I woke up to 10-12" covering everything. It was so quiet and peaceful I decided to stay in bed for a while. The cats snuggled around me with the boys on either side of me and my princess on my chest purring loudly. Next thing I know I am waking up at 11:30! My body loves routine so I try to keep my weekday hours during the weekend so I NEVER sleep that late. I played some computer games and watched some more TV.

Finally I decided I needed to shovel out the driveway. I borrowed a shovel from my neighbors and got started. Please keep in mind I'm from NC. We don't get much snow and never enough to shovel. I've seen snow before at my grandparents but they have a lot of land and have a plow on their tractor. I've never shoveled snow before. Holy crap. That is freaking hard work. Aparently my driveway is a million miles long. I started at 3:45 and didn't finish until 6:oo. That's over TWO HOURS of shoveling. Let me repeat TWO.HOURS. I started in long johns, ski pants, long sleeved tee, ski jacket, gloves and a hat. I got hot and took my gloves off. It turns out maybe that was a terrible idea. I now have two blisters on my hands.

I had seen people shoveling yesterday and could not figure this out. It was snowing and we were supposed to get a lot more. Why shovel now? Yeah, I'm an idiot. Turns out it's easier to shovel a few inches two or three times than 10" at once. I am also aparently the slowest shoveler in the world. I was about halfway done and the kid across the street came out. It seemed like he was out there about 10 minutes and was done. To make myself feel better I pretended he did a crap job but I walked by later and it was totally clear. What a jerk. He made me lose the gold medal in shoveling. I'm going by later tonight to throw water on his steps. Ha ha, shovel that kid.

So as a reward I got myself Burger King and I'm sitting on the couch with a heating pad on my aching old lady back. My house is still a mess and I need to salt the driveway to finish the job but for now, it's time to relax.

Some Reasons Why Today Sucks

2008-03-04T10:44:00.002-05:00

Things are not all smiles at the Inner Monologue today. Lists, blah, whatever...
1. One of my cats has began a new ritual of howling and scratching the wall by my bed EXACTLY one hour before my alarm is set to go off. It's like he watches me set the alarm and starts plotting the evil.
2. He is not hurt, just bored and possibly very stupid. The minute I sit up in bed to yell, spray him with water, throw a pillow he looks over at me like "oh, there you are" and cuddles up purring beside me. I am convinced he is an ass.
3. It's raining and gray and cold. Yesterday was sunny and warm. WTF Mother Nature?
4. Because of the constant 12 hours of rain I have water dripping into my basement. Of the house we're trying to sell. Awesome. So I spent part of my morning throwing (literally) rags near the walls to try to stop the drips.
5. This is the first week I have faithfully stuck to my Weight Watchers points. And I went to the gym 4 days. So naturally I gain weight for the first time in a month and a half. And not just some weight, the exact amount that I lost last week.
6. I work in a job where I deal with food. I always offer the leftovers to other people in the company after the meeting is over. I am going to stab the next person who asks "are these leftovers?" when they clearly aren't. "You mean this cheesecake, on a full tray of cheesecake, on a cart filled with clearly untouched food, at 10:30 AM? Oh yeah, this is leftover!" Asshats.

Seriously people, it's not even noon yet and 6 things have made me want to run my car off a bridge. I promise tomorrow I'll be all sunshine and rainbows again. For right now, hide the stabbing tools and let me sit quietly muttering to myself. It's that kind of day.

See This Movie

2008-03-03T14:48:00.002-05:00

I had a very lazy weekend and got caught up on several movies I had DVR'd off the Independent Film Channel. I am not all black turtlenecks and clove cigarette pretentious but they do have some amazing movies on that channel!
First I saw Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. I have not seen Twin Peaks but it seemed cool and this seemed like a great way to get into it.....or not. This is supposed to explain some of the cliffhangers from the show and give more back story. I was COMPLETELY confused the entire time. It was scary and violent and I kind of hated it. But it did make me want to see some of the show to compare to the movie.
Second I saw The Bridge, a documentary by Eric Steel. This was amazing. I was blown away by the camera work, soundtrack and subject matter. It's basically about people who commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. They interview people left behind and while it's sad it's also very beautiful and touching. It doesn't sugar coat the subject but doesn't glamorize it either. Apparently when it came out it was very controversial because they actually taped people trying or actually jumping. While it was sad I wasn't shocked by it. Add it to your Netflix queue and see what you think.
*While I was writing an ending all I could think of was Reading Rainbow when the kids reviewed the books. They always said "But you don't have to take my word for it" at the end of the reviews which totally fits here but Reading Rainbow and suicide don't seem to mix. Also, I totally wanted to be one of those review kids. I was such a nerd (ok, I still am).

Part II of Vacation Extravaganza!

2008-03-02T22:21:00.001-05:00

When we last left our heroine she was in NC visiting family....
Sunday-We got to sleep in while my parents were at church. I know, shocking and scandalous. We were meeting my brother, J, my sister, L and her fiance, C for brunch to celebrate Cap't Awesome's birthday. The first place we went (a chain) the wait was over an hour for the 8 of us. We went to a non-chain down the road and they sat us right now. The food was amazing and we had fun. The moral of that story is, the chain restaurants may be popular but if you look around you will find a nice independent restaurant that's even better. Cap't Awesome does not really like cake so A and I made him brownies with peanut butter cups baked right in. We had those and he opened presents. Then we went to see L and C's new house! It was beautiful and they have already put a lot of work into it.
Then we packed up, jumped in the car and drove 2 hours to our future home (and home of the Captain's parents). We had a birthday dinner and then home to bed. Yes, I was stuffed but proud of myself because at an Italian restaurant I had no bread and a yummy salad with scallops....and two glasses of wine.
Monday-I was proud of us, we got a lot accomplished. We saw a house we may possibly live in, met Dad Awesome at his new work, went and saw Mom Awesome and she got to show off her kids. My MIL is the absolute best. She treats me like her own child and always includes me in the family. She also is short with red hair which can sometimes be confusing when she introduces us as her daughter and son. People think she's my mom and then we have to explain blah blah blah. I'm not complaining at all but it does make introductions longer. **Another aside-I had no problem calling my in-laws Mom and Dad right away. It was weirder before we got married since I couldn't call them Mrs. Awesome but using first names seemed too casual. I usually ended up avoiding using names at all costs, pointing or the super klassy "you".**
We had lunch at my favorite fast food place, Bojangles. It's only in the south but it is amazing. They have sweet tea that will keep you going for hours. And the chicken, and biscuits....yum. We had also planned to go to a gym and see about a membership and go to the cell phone store to fix some problems but ended up going home and taking a nap.
Tuesday-My flight left around 3 so I had to be at the airport at 1. Captain decided to take another day off work so we could spend the morning together. We slept late and relaxed, then met his grandparents for lunch. I was so sad to be leaving but it motivated me to get back up here so I could wrap everything up that has to be done before I move down permanently. My flight was delayed and the airport was freezing but I made it home. My plane landed to spitting sleet and snow on the ground. Welcome back to Cincinnati!

I'm Back Baby!

2008-02-28T20:34:00.003-05:00

Well I've actually been back since Tuesday but it was late Tuesday and I had work and laundry and....and just back off Internet, I had shit to do. Wow, that hostility came out of nowhere. I'll just use my old standard excuse, I was tired. The trip was great and I got to see Captain Awesome! And the rest of my family. All four days were scheduled really tightly so I could see and do everything. The Captain and I did some "adult" stuff including making some super un-fun but fiscally responsible decisions about the move. (I just re-read that and "adult" stuff sounds dirtier than I meant, although there was some of that too.) Because of bad timing and a shitty housing market we will not be making money on the sale of the current house. Also, the Captain and I may well be the world's worst savers. My amazing 25 year old sister and her fiance just bought a house where she saved the entire down payment in two years. Captain Awesome and I are lucky if we have money left over at the end of the month. We make good money but we also spend spend spend. Anyway, we decided to move back into a small apartment when we get back to NC, get a loan from the credit union, pay off all our debts and get some savings. Woohoo, money discussions. Don't be jealous of my glamorous and exciting life here people. On to the trip recap:
Tuesday-Thursday-clean like crazy, work and get packed. Captain had sent me a list of stuff he needed and I already over pack so my bag was easily 546 pounds. Our realtor set up an open house so had to leave the house in "show" condition. **Quick aside-I always leave the house clean when I go on a trip. I have a weird fear that if I die while away and friends have to come get funeral clothes they will be disgusted at the dirtiness of my house and talk bad about me at the funeral. Yes, I am crazy**
Friday-we had snow and ice over night. Awesome! I had booked my flight out of an airport an hour away to save money. I dug out my car, braved the roads, slogged through the long-term parking lot and got the shuttle to the airport only to find my flight was delayed 2 hours. Of course. And here is where I prove I am an idiot (although in my defense I was SUPER tired). I looked at my ticket and saw a big number indicating my gate. I got there and figured I had some time to kill so I took a cat nap. I woke up about 45 minutes later and noticed I was one of 3 people at the gate. I thought it was kind of weird and then I started noticing other things. The gate was not for the airline I was booked on, the sign did not show my flight and (after looking at my ticket again) I had looked at the seat number instead of the gate number! Shit! So I walked/ran while panicking to the correct gate where I saw my flight was canceled. Shit again! The desk agent was extremely nice but let me know there was no way I was getting to Wilmington, NC that day. I start internally flipping out so I started naming cities in NC where I thought I could get a ride. My parents live in Raleigh and luckily I could get a flight to there but the flight was leaving later that day from the airport 20 minutes from my house.
Once I made it on the plane (many many hours later) it was a nice flight and my dad picked me up. I saw Captain Awesome in person for the first time since Jan. 5th so everything worked out in the end.
Saturday-Bridal shower day! My youngest sister, A, was also in town (for the shower) so I got to hang out with her and the Captain. She is super funny and I miss her a lot. We got dressed and my mom and another friend drove us to the shower. It was fun and the first time all the bridesmaids were together. And there was two kinds of cake! We got back about 4:30 and my dad and I went to the gym. It was warm so we had wine and cheese on the deck and then weren't that hungry so my mom made salad, green beans and mashed potatoes (requested by A) for dinner. Captain was out with friends playing poker and drinking and I was still tired so I passed out about midnight.

So I've realized this is too long of a post so I'm making it a cliff hanger. Stay tuned tomorrow for Sunday and Monday...the drama, the excitement dun-dun-duuuuuunnnnn!

Word Salad

2008-02-19T14:46:00.002-05:00

I have a lot swirling around in my brain so I'm going with the old standby...
Bullets!

I went home sick yesterday. I felt crappy on Sunday but I assumed it was the wine and beer and food. Turns out I had a 24 hour bug. I made it to work and then I smelled stale cigarette smoke on someone and started gagging. After I made it out of the bathroom I went home and went straight to bed. I NEVER nap but I slept for 6 hours.
This makes me worry about having morning sickness when I get pregnant. My mom had morning sickness with all her kids for the first trimester. On the one hand, yay not gaining a quadrillion pounds right away. On the other hand, I could barely function yesterday morning and the idea of that for 12 weeks straight sounds horrible.
I feel MUCH better today.
I got a spa gift certificate and made the appointment for yesterday evening. I felt better when I get up from my nap so I kept the appointment. I highly recommend SIA Spa in Cincinnati. The place is gorgeous and everyone on the staff I met with was super helpful and friendly. I was one of the last people there and no one was rushing me out.
I had a bikini wax with hard wax instead of the strips. I will never go back. Tricia was my waxer and she was funny and really fast. Two things I look for in a waxer.
I also had my first facial ever. I love it more than life itself. So relaxing and my skin looks amazing. My face was dried out and you could see my massive pores and fine lines. The Vitamin C facial made my skin glow and no more fine lines! Now I just have to keep it up.
The first rule of blogging is "Thou shalt not talk about the weather since everyone thinks it's boring" And now I'll break it by saying it is damn cold and this wind may kill me. It snowed yesterday and we're supposed to get more tonight. Really winter?!? Really? I hope the blogging gods won't smite me.
After blowing my diet this weekend and not working out because I felt so bad I was not expecting good numbers for the "weigh-in" today. Yay! I lost 1.8 pounds bringing my grand total to 4.5 pounds in 4 weeks. Slowly but surely I'll get there.
Walking around I have a permanent goofy smile on my face. I get to see Captain Awesome in three more days! I can't believe how giddy I still get when I see him, even after being married for 5 years.
My book club is meeting at my house and I am blowing the diet again by making cheese fondue with French bread and green apples. Oh well.....bring on the wine!

Unplanned Weekend

2008-02-17T20:28:00.002-05:00

Saturday night was one of the funnest nights I've had since we moved to Cincinnati. It was completely spontaneous but everything we stumbled onto was awesome.

The evening started out a little frustrating. Liz and I planned to eat at a Jamaican place on the north side of town for dinner. Then we found out they were closing early. Plan One was foiled. Liz is awesome at hearing about new interesting places so when she suggested a new wine bar called Bouquet I was in. Of course the wine bar was in KY (south of town) and it didn't make sense to drive all over the city so we planned to eat dinner there. Liz called to make reservations but they didn't have anything available until 8:30. Plan Two foiled. We decided to just meet near the bar and find something nearby to eat. Then have dessert and wine at the bar. The Cock and Bull is a Irish pub where we got dinner and some beer. Since I've been doing Weight Watchers I haven't really eaten beef so I splurged on a cheeseburger. As usual, Liz and I had great conversation that ranged from politics to mental health to books and more. It wasn't 8:30 but we thought maybe we could sit at the bar at Bouquet.

Bouquet is a georgous little restaurant. The decorations are modern but beautiful and it's very intimate. We did sit at the bar and got some wine. Our friend Laura met us so we had more wine. And what goes great with wine? Four kinds of cheeses! Everything was amazing and they had my favorite bleu cheese Drunken Goat. And then we had more wine. The chef and sous chef were, moving around through the restaurant and we saw them bring some chocolate covered strawberries to a table. They weren't on the menu but we asked and they brought some to us on a plate with edible flowers. And then we had more wine. The restaurant was closing so we left and were walking back to our cars.

Liz and I passed the Cock and Bull and it was bumping. There was a DJ and they were playing some great old songs. I turned to Liz and mentioned I could maybe go in for a minute, she was thinking the same thing so we walked in. Immediately we saw three guys in fake mustaches at the other end of the bar. Of course we had to find out what the story was. Turns out it was their birthdays so they decided to come out wearing fake mustaches. How awesome is that? The bar was a great mix of fun people. Everyone was casual and friendly. So ofter when you go to a bar it's just a meat market of chicks in tube tops and asshole drunk guys. This was the total opposite. Liz and I danced our asses off. And had more beer. By 2 we were tired and hungry. We finished the night in a hole-in-the-wall pizza place.

Today I was hungover, my legs hurt and my hair smelled like smoke. And I've never been happier.

*I wish I had pictures of the mustache guys but we were having too much fun to remember to get a photo.

There's No Words

2008-02-17T10:44:00.003-05:00

I've been trying to write a post explaining my feelings about the shooting at NIU last week. I have personally never had to experience the terror or sadness those poor people are living through so any words will be inadequate. My heart goes out to all the students, faculty and families during this horrible time. You are all in my thoughts.

Valentine's Day post about Captain Awesome

2008-02-14T16:19:00.003-05:00

Captain Awesome and I aren't together this Valentine's Day. It's really ok because we've never really bought into the whole "Hallmark" holiday. We have dinner together almost every night and he randomly brings me presents throughout the year so February 14th isn't different than any other day. We always joke about cards since he thinks they're a waste of money. Every year I try to find the one with the smallest amount of words so he can pretend to read it. And then we laugh. That's what I love the most about the Captain. He can make me laugh harder and more often than anyone I've ever met. I've been trying to figure out what's been missing while we've been apart. Since we've been away no one has made me laugh so hard I can't stand up and tears came to my eyes. No one has made me snort or have to catch my breath because I'm screaming laughing.

The best thing about his humor is how effortless it is. Some people are very jokey or have to make sure you know they told a joke by laughing first. Captain Awesome is naturally witty. Nothing is forced, he just pulls together a word or phrase and turns it perfectly into a joke.

I can't tell a joke to save my life. Usually I end up messing it up completely "No wait, it's gotta be your bull...." trailing off while everyone else stares blankly. The few times I've made him laugh are the proudest of my life. Among every group of his friends he is the funniest. I can't tell you how many co-workers I've met who tell me how hilarious he is. And he's not "that funny guy" because he blends it so perfectly into everyday life.

We have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes. Some are just lines from movies or TV shows that make us laugh. Some are things we've done or said to each other that make us smile. People keep asking me if I miss Captain Awesome and I do. One of the hardest things about being apart is that he is not here to laugh if someone mentions lactose, Paz, Lindsey-chops or bridge inbunkments. No one's yelling PANTS or making jokes about zero degrees Kelvin.

Captain Awesome also has one the top five laughs of all time. It's loud and he laughs with his whole body. No matter what has tickled him, when he laughs, I laugh. Even if I'm mad at him the minute he laughs I can't help laughing too. I love watching TV and movies with him or going to see comedians. I know he'll laugh and that always gets me.

Happy Valentine's Day Captain. I love you and I miss you. Thank you for choosing me to laugh along with for the rest of our lives.

Just a perfect day,
Problems all left alone,
Weekenders on our own.
It's such fun.
Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself.
I thought I was someone else,
Someone good.

Oh it's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it with you.
Oh such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on.

Lou Reed
Transformer (1972)
Perfect Day

KKkk-KOLD

2008-02-12T22:14:00.004-05:00

I am freezing. Due to some ridiculously high power bills I am trying to keep the heat lower. If I had my way it would stay at a comfortable 78 degrees. The Captain is naturally warmer than me so we had compromised at 69. Also we are middle school boys. I turned it down to 66 to try to save a few pennies (I just typed pennis-again, middle school boys.). I'm usually only here for dinner and to sleep so I don't really need it to be super warm. I have my electric blanket at night but between coming home and getting into bed I have gotten creative with my wardrobe.

First of all I change immediately after coming home. Usually it's because I come straight from the gym and need to change out of my sweaty work-out clothes. I put on pajamas because, why not? I CANNOT sleep with anything close to my neck or I feel like I'm being strangled so I have lots of thin strapped nightgowns and tank tops. In order to get some layers I have been wearing pj pants underneath my nightgowns. But C, you say, the dresses over pants thing is over and done. Well I like it, and obviously I am super behind the trends, I started a blog in 2008 for god's sakes. Anyway, the sleeveless nightgowns still leave me cold so I put on a long sleeve shirt or sweatshirt over top of all this mess. I am toasty warm but look like a homeless person.

To finish off my ensemble (you have to say it in a snooty French accent) I wear my blue fuzzy slippers. I had a pair similar to this in college that I wore all the time. Not just in the house but while visiting neighbors, driving around, any where during exams. They were SUPER comfortable but very ratty looking. The Captain MADE me get rid of them when we got married. He never criticizes my clothes so when he made a big deal about it I gave in. But because I am spiteful and stubborn I went out and got a pair just like them.

Fuzzy Blue Slippers

And to prove my feet are not freakishly huge,

see, it's the slippers

I bet Captain Awesome can't wait to see me in a couple weeks when I post sexy outfits like this

What Kind of Person Am I?

2008-02-12T20:15:00.000-05:00

The woman I work with is a morning person. She gets up without an alarm at 5am every day. She is cheerful and makes jokes when we're working together. She also goes to bed around 9pm each night.
Captain Awesome would sleep until noon every day if he could. He gets a second wind around 10pm and can stay up all night. He's a night person.
So what does that make me? I can barely pry my ass out of bed at 6:30 when the alarm goes off but I go to bed every night at 11. On Saturdays I usually wake up around 7 but stay in bed reading for a couple hours to spend time with Captain A. I feel most motivated between 10am and noon. Am I a mid-morning person? No matter what time I get up I need plenty of sleep. Usually a solid 7 or 8 hours. I'm a pretty light sleeper so I hear the cats moving around, the house creaking, cars passing and the furnace kicking on. Since the Captain's been down South I've been sleeping worse than usual. I can't usually sleep until midnight and then the cats wake me up at 5:30 or 6am. This lack of sleep gives me some gorgeous black circles under my eyes and a lovely personality.
Reading back over this I sound super complain-y (yes, it's a word). It doesn't really make me upset and I don't want to throw a pity party. The human body is a crazy complicated thing. I know new mothers, doctors and many more people don't get the sleep they need and they're productive members of society. I can suck it up and figure it out.
Maybe I can turn myself into a morning person....or not.

Happiness Is....

2008-02-11T21:43:00.000-05:00

an electric blanket, hot chocolate, snoring kitties, falling snow and

Someone Interested In Buying My House!

I've been so stressed about selling this house and moving down to be with Captain Awesome and the people that saw it over the weekend are coming back because they loved it! I'm so happy! I really hope I'm not jinxing it but honestly, even if they don't put an offer down it's a step forward. The realtor emailed us this morning and I have had a smile on my face all day.

Work was meh but I had a great Pilates class and now I'm all settled in and smiling.

On a totally unrelated note I am LOVING the SmartOnes meals. I was eating Lean Gourmets since they were cheaper but they were kind of gross. The SmartOnes are only about 50 cents more expensive but are way way tastier.

I'm Ba-ack

2008-02-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

When I started this blog I promised to write every other day......well never mind. So I had kind of a shitty end of the week and I didn't feel like writting another "poor me" post to bore everyone. I did have a good work-out week and tried Pilates for the first time. Man, that hurts but in a good way. Then even though the house is officially off the market we had a realtor call about a showing on Saturday! So there was drama trying to find someone to crate the cats during the showing. Why do I hate asking for help? I have great friends who always offer to help me but I would rather cancel a trip to see my elderly grandparents that admit I need help. I also was getting frustrated at Captain Awesome because I was stuck taking care of everything. In the end I broke down and got help.

The weekend was great and super relaxing. It was FREEZING so my planned Saturday run was cancelled in favor of watching a movie. I slept in a cozy mattress with a duvet and got lots of rest. Also ate pretty much the entire time. I forgot how much I miss someone taking care of me. So it was amazing and I feel a million times better. I will make an effort next week to write more.

Stay Warm!

Great Workout

2008-02-06T20:25:00.000-05:00

If anyone is interested in a fantastic work-out I recommend going to
http://www.zumbafitness.com

I take this class at my gym and LOVE it. It combines traditional Latin dances and aerobics for a kick-ass hour of fun. I am the whitest un-cordinated person out there but it is really fun. The hour flies by but you will feel it the next day.

Try It!!

Lessons From My Mom

2008-02-06T11:37:00.000-05:00

My Northern mother tried to raise her kids with Southern manners and etiquette. We were taught table manners during family dinners, conversation skills (always ask questions, people love to talk about themselves) and to always write thank you notes and bring a hostess gift. Since I am now a perfect lady (Captain Awesome is laughing so hard he spit) I follow these rules to the letter. Ok, not really. But a rule I always try to remember is to never talk about politics, religion or money at social events. There are always hurt feelings and unless you want to turn your party into a shouting match just smile and change the conversation. If I'm with a group of friends or my immediate family we can talk/debate/laugh/yell about any of the three big ones but I try to avoid it with people I don't know as well.

After "Super Tuesday" the whole country is talking politics. I am so glad that we care about what happens to us and want to actively be involved in choosing the leaders that shape our county. I am a super liberal and a democrat. I never vote a straight ticket if I feel someone else can do a better job but in my 27 years I've stayed true to the democratic party. It was in some ways influenced by my parents but after research I've decided that it really is the best choice for me and my ideals. Of course I married an independent but luckily we can usually agree to disagree.

My mother's family is from a small town in the mid-west. My Grandmother is very outspoken liberal democrat who HATES the president with the passion of 1,000 suns. Some of my mom's siblings are liberal and some are conservative. This weekend I will be staying with some of the conservative ones. They are incredibly generous kind-hearted people but we have no similar political opinions. They still live in the town they grew up in surrounded by small farmers and small business owners. They have been working hard in the family business for many many years. I understand why they are republican and why they believe what they do but I just cannot bring myself to agree with them. I guess this weekend I will just have to take my mama's advice, smile and turn the conversation to something else. Wish me luck.

I Need to Get Over Myself

2008-02-04T21:59:00.000-05:00

I meant every word I wrote in the last post but it was so depressing that I needed to replace it. So I decided to steal an idea I've seen on a lot of blogs that are cooler than mine. Just go to Google and type in "(Your name) Needs" and see what comes up. Here's what I got...

-Celia needs to stimulate or increase her activation, bringing it up into the optimal range
Basically Celia has a big ass and needs to get it off the sofa. I'm trying! Jeez Internet, get off my case.

-Cecilia needs more social interaction with boys her age
Hmmm, I haven't seen Captain Awesome since January so I would definitely like more interaction with him. Only 18 more days! bow chicka wow wow

-Celia needs is a glow-in-the-dark plastic computer angel
Really who doesn't? Is the glow-in-the dark really useful though. If I'm at my computer I'm rarely, if ever sitting in the dark. I guess if I had that angel I could. I could also use a plastic Jesus for my dashboard.

-I think Celia needs a life
Man, the Googlers are mean. Going to bed at 9pm on Friday is cool, right? RIGHT?

-Celia needs an escort to the Sinnoh Elite Four Lucian
I'm not sure what this means but I'm assuming it's a fabulous social event that may require a ball gown.

-Celia needs to be in an engaging, interactive and supportive environment to learn.
It's true. I don't learn well sitting by myself in a dark room.

-Celia needs parents?
The questions mark was part of the statement. I don't know why it would be a question. Who wouldn't need parents? Although I do have amazing parents and in-laws that I consider my second parents. So I guess I don't need parents after all.

-Celia needs a fenced yard to play in
I prefer hiking in the woods (hee hee I just typed hicking) so I don't know about the fenced in yard. I do constantly get lost so maybe they're just trying to protect me.

-Celia needs as many people as possible to sign a petition that she can continue her good work till all cats are safe
You already know I'm a crazy cat lady. If I had a petition to save cats you bet your ass I'd make you sign it.

-Oh, and does anyone else think that Celia needs a Tony?
Yes! My car singing and dancing have finally been noticed by the world. I'm going to be a star!

-Celia needs to recognize that a budget is a continually changing thing
Boo budgets, I suck at saving.

-Celia needs to know what to do with her giant wads of cash
Mmmm Giant wads of cash *drooling* I'd start with paying off all my bills (see, responsible) then give our families some money. Then buy real estate in NYC, England and some kind of ski lodge. Step 3: PROFIT!!

On an unrelated note I got a hilarious spam message today from Ferdie Peden. She wanted to know if I wanted to "InCrEaSe the size of my WEENER. I don't know why the mis-spelling cracked me up but I seriously laughed at my desk for 5 minutes. Maybe someday you can be as cool as me.

Female Trouble

2008-02-03T16:32:00.000-05:00

Don't worry, it's not about that. You don't have to run away.

I have been thinking a lot about how women treat each other. I know everyone has talked about how women need to be builing each other up instead of tearing each other down but it needs to be repeated and repeated until it actually happens. Women have a hard enough time proving their worth to employers, families, significant others and most importantly themselves. Instead of supporting each other we are catty, hateful and competitive. Growing up in a very female-centric house I was raised to believe that my uterus wouldn't prevent me from doing whatever I wanted to do. I was encouraged to be smart and ambitious. I appreciate all the women who came before me who fought so I could have the rights and priviledges I have today.

Yet I was shown once again this weekend that the "sisterhood" is broken. And please don't think that I'm blameless. I admit to making comments about another woman's clothes, looks, life choices, etc. And it's mostly because I think (at the time) it's funny. This weekend I brought together several friends who did not know each other. Instead of a fun night out it turned into a stupid high-school competition. Instead of acting like the grown-up successful women we are we regressed to sullen pouting children. I'm so disapponted in myself and my gender. I wish I knew how to fix it or had some great advice but I don't.

Sorry but this post is not entertaining or funny. It's actually very cliched and unoriginal. That being said, I hope it makes us realize that together we can make a difference. You don't have to like every woman you come in contact with but just make an effort to respect their lives.

Merlot and Cheese Fries

2008-02-01T21:52:00.000-05:00

In Cincinnati there is a society for wine lovers/drinkers. I am not a member but because I have cool friends I get invited to their wine tastings. It seems to be mostly young attractive professional type people and everyone is friendly. (And not just because we taste massive amounts of wine-and of course taste= large drinks). I've now been to two and in concept they are great. Get together with friends to form a team of 3. Buy three bottles of any brand of the varietal (1st one was Cabernet and last night was Merlot). Two bottles are wrapped in brown paper and numbered for tasting. Everyone tastes the wine and then votes for favorite and least favorite by number. The team that brings the "Most Favorite" takes all the bottles home. "Least Favorite" takes their wine back. The events always benefit a charity so really I'm doing good, not using it as excuse to booze it up on a Thursday. Last night there were between 200 and 300 bottles of wine to taste so you would think I would be happy.

I love working in catering but planning and attending all types of events and actually having a college degree for it makes me a nit-picky jerk at any event I go to. (Don't you want to invite me to you party/wedding/bris/etc now?) I can control it when the event is thrown by friends, family or someone else I like. But last night made me want to kill. This group has these wine tastings every couple months so why oh why were there so many obvious problems?? Celia (you ask) why can't you enjoy your unlimited wine and stop being so critical? Good questions internet, I just don't know. Here are a few of the problems I encountered last night:
--It was in a mall food court-they try to hold them downtown which I like but really? a mall? with florescent lights and terrible accoustics?
--There was no coat check-it has been freezing here so every person had a coat. Since you're trying to raise money just charge $1 and they would have made a mint. Instead people had to stuff their big heavy coats around the mall food court.
--The directional "signs" were 81/2 x 11 pieces of copy paper written in green marker. Did no one go check out the facility and realize some signs may be needed by the elevators before that night?
--There were no containers for pouring unwanted wine out. You get a plastic cup and are supposed to taste lots of wine. If you get crap you are forced to drink it instead of being able to pour it out. People started using left over plastic cups which immediately filled up and spilled red wine everywhere.
--The only food was little brownie bites. I am never against eating chocolate but when I'm tasting 30-40 different types of wine I need a little cracker or something to clean my palate. (Don't I sound snobby-well I am) Also, Merlot is almost always better with food and some of the wines I hated were probably very good with cheese. Plus lots of drinking and no food is always a bad idea. And we were in a FOOD COURT. Could none of those places stay open later or donate 1 or 2 trays of sesame chicken, cheese, chips, anything?
--The voting sheets are too large and awkward when trying to manuver around 200 people with a coat, purse and cup of wine. Just an index card would work as well or not better.
--I already mentioned it but the lighting was wretched and the noise level was so bad that you had a yell at the people you were networking with. Not classy.

These little things always being a problem seems like just laziness and poor planning on their part which are two things I cannot stand.

All that being said I did have a great time with my friends, saw people I hadn't seen in a while and met a lot of interesting people. Although I realized I don't love Merlot I will probably go to the next tasting. But as God as my witness if there are florescent lights I will have to throw a fit.

**The cheese fries mentioned in the title are what my friend and I had for dinner before the wine tasting because we are Klassy with a capital "K".

Two Things I Learned Today

2008-01-31T15:35:00.000-05:00

1. Mulligatawny mean "Pepper Water".

2. The femine version of Cletus is Cledith.

Who knew?

*Whenever I hear Cletus I think of the Simpson's. Also, even though I'm from the South I never knew anyone actually named Cletus. I did however know a Bubba and his cousin Boogie.

Just, Eeewww

2008-01-30T21:25:00.000-05:00

The past couple days there have been a few things skeeving me out and I felt like sharing with the world wide web. Not much gets to me, I have three cats with litter boxes and puke. Plus I clean two bathrooms once a week (or so) and I have a job that entails cleaning up dirty dishes every day. These things just put me over the edge.

We have nice clean bathrooms at work with Febreeze in every stall just in case. The last couple times I've been in there I look down and see someone has unrolled the toilet paper far enough down so it is touching the floor. First of all I don't understand how this happens. When I get ready to use the toilet paper I figure out how much I need and I pull it off. Done, period. Who is sitting there just unrolling the paper mindlessly? I just cannot use TP that has been touching the floor no matter how clean the bathroom is. So I usually end up tearing it off and throwing it away.

Second, I know the gym is not a clean place. A bunch of sweaty people walking around and touching stuff. I can usually just do what I need to do and then wash my hands like a psycho after I'm done. They provide the mystery fluid in a spray bottle that you're supposed to use to wipe down the equipment. It's probably just water but it's the thought that counts, right? The last FOUR times I've been there I've seen big sweaty people get off the ab benches and just walk away. Ugh! No one wants to clean up your puddles of stinky sweat. So now I have to choose whether to clean it off or just skip it. I know, if I had any balls I would yell at those people to clean up their own damn mess but....I don't. I just passive-aggressively bitch about it on a blog.

Last (this was totally my fault) but I found a super moldy tupperware in the back of the fridge. I am usually good about cleaning out the fridge but somehow this got away from me. I opened up a old container of mac and cheese that was muti-colored with mold. I don't have a garbage disposal so I would have had to touch it to put it in the trash. Because I'm a princess I just threw the whole thing away.

And now that you'll never come back and are possible gagging, have a great day!

A Hair Story

2008-01-28T14:15:00.000-05:00

I have stick-straight, fine, red hair. Not fine like "she looked FI-INE", but fine as in somewhat fly-away and thin. No need for a flat iron since what is straighter than well, straight.
*Tangent alert* I do love my hair color and always get asked if it's natural. (Actually now that I think about it may not be a compliment but who cares.) Red hair runs in my family and both my mother and grandmother have red hair.
When I was younger my loving mother decided that my face was too round for straight hair. It was the era of big hair=better hair and so the home perms started at the tender age of 8. My aunt would come over and we would all do our (cheap I'm sure) perms stinking up the house and looking awesome. I always liked it but looking back I realize there are some problems with giving children home perms. Perms are tricky bastards and require a lot of maintenance and up keep. My "beauty" regamine was shower at night, get up in the morning, put in a big bow and run for the school bus. Needless to say I had many bad hair days, months, years..... Please don't get all crazy on my mom since she was trying to help and NEVER forced me into a perm. In fact I had several friends in middle school who cried for days because their mom's wouldn't let them chemically kill their hair. Looking back at pictures I realize the hair was a mistake. (For about 5 years all pictures of me featured frizzy permed hair, scary glasses and 80's clothes-not pretty.)
My freshman year of high school I FINALLY wised up begged for contacts and grew out my perm. It actually didn't look too bad and by senior year I had long straight pretty hair. I started getting up earlier to wash, blow dry and style my hair. But my hair, tortured by years of chemicals and non-attention, decided that straight was it, FOR-EV-ER. I could not curl or even wave my hair to save my life. I tried everything to gelling it before I curled it, hot rollers, sleeping in foam rollers...nothing. My hair would start curly and then realize, nooooo we hates the curl! In two hours or less I would be back to straight hair, stiff and gross from gel and hairspray.
Since I was a super rebel I followed the trends and got a tattoo and a boy-short haircut my first month at college. My mom literally burst into tears the first time she saw it. I got 9 inches cut off in one swoop. I loved it! I eventually started growing it out (I never admitted it to my mom but my face really was too round for short hair). It grew back thicker and healthier than I had ever seen it. I wore it long at my wedding (shoulder-length) and then went for the inverted bob for my first job "business" look. A couple years ago I started growing it long again. Many years of nicer shampoos, deep conditioners and better blow driers I think my hair has finally forgiven me.
Now that I go to the gym 5 days a week I come home somewhat gross many nights but my dry fine hair does not allow every day washings. Last week I decided to shower at night and didn't feel like drying it. (Aaahhh laziness). I had read in a magazine that if you did your wet hair in loose braids in the morning it would be pretty and wavy.

Now I'll pause while everyone in the world laughs and shakes their head at my foolishness.

Of course I woke up with hair that looked like I had used my Vidaal Sasson 1987 pink crimping iron on it. Scary and big. I considered just going with it and acting like "What? I totally styled my hair like this." but decided I couldn't pull it off. So I dusted off the old curling iron. Twenty minutes (plus 10 minutes of cursing after burning the shit out of my neck, ear, hand, etc.) I had waves. I misted on some light hair spray and ran for the door. My hair actually held all day! I couldn't believe it! (And one of my co-workers who I see every day did not recognize me-What? I felt like Clark Kent/Superman. You look like Celia but she doesn't have wavy hair, who could this stranger be?) I decided to try this experiment again today and so far still wavy. I was a little rushed so one part looks a little sketch but still.
Thanks to the hair gods for a second chance. I feel like I should sacrifice something in thanks for this wonderous miracle. Any suggestions?