Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Tentative Sigh of Relief

I made it a whole long weekend without breaking down. I actually feel happy again and I'm starting to feel a little more settled in Wilmington. The thought of the Captain leaving for the weekend doesn't make my chest tighten up, instead I started thinking about what projects I could work on while he was away. I consider that progress.

The weird thing that I never noticed while in the depths of my black pit was that I had no music in my head. Almost all the time there is some song or jingle or whatever rattling around in my mind while I get ready in the morning or make copies in my office. And that soundtrack was gone for a while. I wake up with music in my head now. I consider that progress.

We had company coming for a couple days of the weekend and I managed to clean the house without feeling overwhelmed. We went to dinner and I had an appetite. I was able to socialize and play games without wanting to run to my room and close the door until they left. I consider that progress.

My sister-in-law had a mini boyfriend crises and her parents were out of town so we went over and sat with her while she cried and worried about what to do. I wasn't focused on me and (I think) helped a little. Then my in-laws came home and we had a family dinner where I didn't want to run away. I consider that progress.

Little by little the things that overwhelmed me are starting to feel less, well, overwhelming. I can handle them and even look forward. The Captain has been amazing and has been shielding me and allowing me outs to all "social" stuff we've been doing if it gets too much. But I think I'm ready to try again.

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