Thursday, November 20, 2008

5 Things Making Me Happy Today

Hi internet! This has been a really good week for really no reason at all. Since I spend the majority of my time complaining I figured I should balance out my karma with some goodwill.

1. The sun is shining. It's still cold, but warmer than yesterday. The sky is a beautiful blue with no gray clouds threatening rain.

2. I work close enough to Captain Awesome that we can have lunch together. There's nothing that perks me up more than an hour with my handsome BFF. An hour of laughing and a hot sandwich is a good thing. And you should see how cute he looks in a toboggan.

3. It's almost the holidays! As stressed and cranky as I act, I really love Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am able to relax, take time off work, shop, EAT and spend time with my two families. Although we're scaling back our gifts this year due to the economy, I still can't wait to decorate.

4. I had two really fun girl's nights this week. One was a group of women who like to eat and hang out so we ate a delicious meal (with dessert) and met some new friends. Including one woman who moved from Vermont to here as a challenge to herself. She doesn't know anyone here but she wanted to shake her life up a little. Now that's bravery.
I also had a book club meeting and I had picked the book. It's always a little scary doing that since you want everyone else to like it. They did and the food was amazing. Yum, hummus and falafal.

5. Tonight I don't have plans so the Captain and I are cooking and snuggling in to catch up on the TiVo and each other's lives.

What's making you happy today?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


It's cold here. I know some of you poor souls in the North have been cold for months and now have snow. But we just dropped below freezing and I'm not adjusted yet. That's why I live in the South. After sprinting from my car to the building, wrapped in my coat, scarf and gloves with my mug of hot chocolate, another employee and I were commenting on the cold. He turns to me and says with a straight face "Well I don't turn my heat on until January so I'm used to the cold."

I think I just stared, slack-jawed at him. Had this been someone I knew better (or really even liked at all) I would have laughed. People, I know it's a tough economic times. I know we're tightening belts and all that. But living with no heat? That's like camping to me. Why not just save money by selling your house and buy a fancy four room LL Bean tent. He explained that he just wears a lot of layers in the house and sleeps with 4 (!) blankets on his bed. And yes, he has room mates, who I guess have gone along with this "wilderness adventure" plan.

Now I understand there are truely needy people, even in my town, who can't afford heat. I understand that when choosing between comfort and eating, they choose food. But when you have a job, own a house, and have roommates to help pay 1/2 the bills, why no heat? I just can't wrap my mind around this. Also, I have made a big mental note to NEVER visit him without my parka and long johns. Weird.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Domestic Goddess

Yep, still no DC update. But listen to how house-wifey I was last night! On Sunday Captain Awesome and his dad chain sawed down 4 HUGE (and hideous) bushes around our house. They were working really hard and the piles of branches and leaves are taller than me. I was busy lounging under a blanket and eating some pretzels with Nutella. I felt kind of guilty but not enough to actually get up.

So last night I got home earlier than I expected and I decided to try and be helpful. I raked 1/2 the front yard and picked up an entire trash can full of pinecones, sticks, bark, etc. Then I made white chicken chili (from scratch) and cheddar biscuits (from a bag-love me some Bisquick) so that when the Captain got home, dinner was ready and waiting. The chili was a little spicier than I planned but it was perfect for a blustery night. We ate and watched some TV while I put some CD's on my iPod.
**Big Thank You to my baby sis who patiently answered my stupid questions like "how do I turn this thing on?". Even though she sprained her ankle and was just trying to relax.**

Yesterday, the Baking Blonde put up a recipe for Chewy Ginger Cookies with Cinnamon Chips. Two of the Captain's favorite dessert ingredients are ginger and cinnamon so I just had to try them. For some reason no grocery in my town stocks the cinnamon chips but in my usual cooking style I just threw some extra stuff in and hoped for the best. They were AWESOME and everything I wanted for a blah Monday night.

So when do I get my tiara and golden apron?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Sugar and Spice Vs Snips and Snails

Growing up in a house with 4 females and 2 males I have a very woman-centric point of view. My dad and brother were nice (or smart) enough to let us do most of the talking. As a confirmed girly-girl I was never around that many boys growing up. After marrying the Captain I am constantly surprised by all the "Guy Stuff" I was never privy to. There are rules about where to stand in the men's room. (Always leave a space and no talking-even when washing hands) There are drinking guidelines, driving rules. There is a whole noogie, dead-leg, tortoure-in-the-name-of-fun culture I was completely oblivious to. I mean, I saw boys playing pencil wars on the bus in elementary school but I never realized how serious it was. Also, I was probably too self absorbed trying to find the best seat to think about it. Every conversation I have with the Captain reveals a little more about this testoterone fueled childhood that I guess everyone else was aware of.

Of course that means he is forced to hear interested (read: boring) stories about a fight started by one friend not sharing her candy on the bus or the great "silent treatement of 87". Hearing all these stories of the psychological torture we as females put each other through, I think he's glad he got away with a punch in the arm and an Indian burn.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hitting the Spot

Whew! The last three weeks have been a whirlwind of parties, traveling, working, eating, being with friends and enjoying myself. Sorry blog friends.

You know how sometimes you'll have a desire or craving for something but you can't always have it? As a dessert freak, sometimes I'll crave a delicious piece of chocolate cake or ice cream. I'll go out, get said sugary treat, and when I sit down to eat it, it's just not as good. (Did you like how many commas I just used?) The anticipation just can't match the real thing. I think the same applies to Senior prom, New Year's Eve and Graduation Day. You're under so much pressure to HAVE FUN that you just can't match up the movie-like image that you've created for yourself.

But sometimes, if you're lucky, you'll find an amazing pumpkin cookie receipe that satisfies your sweet tooth. Or a handsome man with champagne and a funny movie that helps cuddle the New Year in. That satisfaction keeps us going through the let downs or dry chocolate cakes in life.

Last weekend was one of my best "hitting the spot" moments. My two sisters and I went to Washington DC for my sister A's birthday. We laughed the entire car ride up, met some crazy people, tried new food and drinks, acted like tourists and then laughed some more. It was perfect. I've been feeling so disconnected ever since the move in June, it was amazing to be able to sit around with the people who I've laughed with, fought with, cried with and loved my entire life and just be me. I came home with aching legs, a suitcase full of clothes I didn't wear and memories.
Also, to dinner and a clean house, great job Captain Awesome!!!

The weekend was better than a million pieces of chocolate cake.

I have been working on a full post with pictures of us being goons and yes, eating cake, that I will someday get posted.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

One of the Downsides of Working with All Men

I got my hair highlighted yesterday for the first time since I've worked here. I think it looks really different. I haven't gotten one comment on it. Does that mean they don't like it? Am I reading too much into the silence? How much credit should I give the male mind?

PS. I love it.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Space Filler

I actually have tons to write about but of course, now that I'm busy I have no time to blog. I promise a weekend update soon but until then I'm borrowing this fun survey from Erin

A Little About Us-The basic facts:

Who is your significant other? Captain Awesome aka Adam

How long have you been together? We started dating in 1999 but have been married since 2002

Dating/Engaged/Married? Married

How old is your S.O.? 28 (pushing 30 as he likes to say)

What’s his/her middle name? Joseph

Who eats more? He eats bigger portions than me. In fact I usually order something I know he likes at a restaurant so he can help me finish it. But I eat more dessert than he does.

Who says “I love you” first? The first time, I don't really know. But we used to IM a lot so it was probably an IM "I love you"

Who weighs more? Captain Awesome

Who sings better? Hmm, I like to think I have a good voice but the Captain loves to make up songs about whatever we're doing. So his songs are funnier.

Who’s older? The Captain by 3 months and 2 days

Who’s smarter? The Captain, no question. Although sometimes I can pull some useless knowledge out of nowhere. And I know more about cooking.

Whose temper is worse? Probably me. But we take turns being in bad moods.

Who does the laundry? Me, it's one of the few chores I enjoy, plus I hate the way The Captain folds clothes.

Who does the dishes? Whoever doesn't cook. Since I cook more, he does more dishes.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me, but we switch sides depending on the room since I don't sleep closest to the door.

Whose feet are bigger? The Captain, size 12 wide. Sneakers are made for my hubby.

Whose hair is longer? Mine. The Captain cuts his own hair with clippers. But his grows faster.

Who’s better with the computer? The Captain knows more about fixing stuff so I guess him.

Who mows the lawn? Now that we have a riding lawn mower with a cup holder, he does.

Who pays the bills? He does. When we got married I asked him to take on that chore and it kind of stuck.

Who cooks dinner? We try to cook together but I'm usually the main chef. We plan our meals together so we both know what's coming up. Then it's a matter of who wants to and who's lazier.

Who drives when you are together? The Captain claims he can't get comfortable when he's not driving and since he usually knows where he's going it works out. That means I get to DJ!

Who pays when you go out to dinner? Since we have joint accounts it doesn't really matter but the waiter usually hands him the check.

Who’s the most stubborn? Me, no question. The Captain is pretty easy going but if he does have an opinion he can be pretty hard headed. I remembering one time he threatened to sleep on the floor since I wouldn't do what he wanted.

Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? Neither of us!

Whose parents do you see more? His because we live in the same town. We see mine about once a month.

Who named your cats? Our first cat (Kitty Boy) The Captain named. Our second cat came with the name Swiss but she has A LOT of nicknames (Miss, Missy, Moo, Mooberry Muffin, etc). Our third cat we named together after a road in NC (Zingo) because it fit his crazy personality.

Who kisses who first? I think usually me.

Who asked who out? The Captain called me first but I invited myself over to look at bowling shirts (I know, lame.)

Who’s more sensitive? Me times a million

Who’s taller? He is. I forget how tall he is until I see pictures of us and I look like I'm standing in a hole.

Who has more friends? I'm not sure. He has a big group of friends he doesn't see as much. I have a good group in town.

Who has more siblings? He does, but only by 1. I have two sisters and a brother. He has two half sisters and two half brother.

Who wears the pants in the relationship? We like to say we each wear a leg of the pants. I lead on a lot of the day-to-day stuff and he leads on the bigger long-term stuff. Although I'm bossier.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Is There Such a Thing as Non-Crazy Family

My extended family is just plain huge. My mom is one of 8 siblings who are all married and most have kids. She has tons of cousins, aunts, in-laws, out-laws, etc. My dad's family is not that big but they're there. On the Captain's side his father's family is also huge. We're surrounded by relatives.

My immediate family is large-ish especially with the Captain and my bro-in-law but we're all pretty close. I talk to my parents a couple times a week. My sisters and I have marathon phone sessions and love to spend time together. I love my brother but we're just not that close. I think part of it was I went to college when he was in middle school so I missed the fun being friends years. Then when I moved back to my home town he was in college and living his life. We're 5 years apart and haven't meshed our lives together. He's a super genius and in a really hard graduate program so I understand he's busy. I know that we'll get to a point in our lives when we will be closer.

My sisters and I are always blown away by how secretive my mom's family is. There is always some gossip or story that we can't tell one or more family member. Just recently her younger sister and only brother had scary health issues. Instead of getting them out in the open and having your family gather around you and support you, they decided to keep it quiet and deal with it privately. These were not little things like a broken finger. These were big ones, including cancer. Of course, being a family (and a gossipy one at that) people are finding out and spreading the story.

This way of handling illness or bad news is making my head explode. Maybe I'm just enough of a drama queen that I would want everyone catering to me and feeling bad for me if I was in trouble. Or maybe, I know that my family would be the ones I would want to lean on when I was facing permanent injury or death. I know my siblings would make me laugh and hold my hair when I puked. I know I could call them any time for advice, to gossip (we're one of those families too) or just to get out some frustrations. We weren't always sunshine and rainbows. We had our fights and hated each other. But I can't imagine keeping big secrets from them. And I hope I never do.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I know I've mentioned before how conservative and, for lack of a better word, redneck my employers are. I don't agree with some of their views on the world and conversation has been tricky around this election but otherwise we co-exist in harmony.

One of the owners is a single guy in his mid to late 30's. He is a huge hunter and has been talking about hunting season for months now. He goes out drinking almost every night with his buddies. They have a group of younger (not gross younger, in their 20's) women who hang out with them for free drinks. His friends come over at closing time any night of the week if they can't drive home since he lives close to their regular bar. Basically he is wilder at 36 than I was at 21.

We were talking about our weekend plans and I mentioned going to the beer fest. It's an afternoon festival at a park where there are bands and beer. Fun but not a wild time. My boss looks me in the eye and says "I'm too old for that wild time." I was so surprised I couldn't think of anything to say. I guess day time drinking is much wilder than night drinking?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Two Weeks in Five Paragraphs

Hi strangers! Once again I've been neglecting my poor little blog. I wish I could say I've been busy having great adventures but really I just kind of got lost in the real world day to day minutiae.

We had a great time at our friend's wedding and the weekend of being pulled in different directions by our families wasn't as bad as I thought. I know, no one's shocked. I spend a good amount of time with my family and then we got almost everyone together for brunch on Sunday. Five of the Captain's fmily plus three from mine plus us equals a fun brunch. Unfortunately I picked up a cold and Sunday my throat was killing me. I was sick for about 4 days when I couldn't really do anything but blow my nose and attempt to sleep sitting straight up.

I'm still trying to find a job and getting more frustrated by it. I signed up with another temp agency and they've gone MIA on me. I email my contact every week and every week I get a reply that she's "sending out my information" I'm sure the horrible economy isn't helping but come on, I'm educated and young, just give me a chance! I've been filling out applications at the mall to get some extra money for the holidays so hopefully one of those will pan out. And I won't spend all my extra money at the mall. I really can't complain because I do HAVE a job and I have a wonderful husband who supports me.

We've got a couple big things coming up like the Beer festival this weekend. One of the Captain's friends is coming down and we've lined up our driver so we can avoid finding parking. (And avoid a dui) He's a great guy but pretty quiet. He and the Captain will probably do some guy exploring so I won't be "hostessing" all weekend. I've got a new recipe for pumpkin pancakes and plan to dazzle him with my abilities.

The weekend after that is my in-law's 25th anniversary. My sister-in-law and her Grandmother are planning a surprise party for them. My experience in catering and event planning is tripping me up since I feel like they're making some mistakes and making things harder than necessary but I am not in charge. I have offered to help with anything and have not been taken up on it so I'm going to go with the flow if it kills me. I'm very disappointed because I feel like we could make this party great and stay in our limited budget but I'm still the "in-law" and can't really throw my weight around. I've expressed my feelings to the Captain and he agrees with them but all his suggestions have been pushed aside also. I think it will be a last minute scramble but in the end I'm sure my in-laws will not be worried about the fact that there's no glasses for wine and just appreciate the gesture.

All in all I'm still meeting new people here and trying new things. The house is starting to feel like home and I don't get lost every time I leave my house. I've got plans, it's fall and life is pretty good.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Little Bit of Nothing

I really wanted to write all last week but I could find a good time to sit down and actually be creative and amusing or even just not boring. I wrote about 14 drafts about my work nemesis who I really dislike (maybe even hate) but it came across as all mean and crabby instead of funny. Also I think he has a slight, miniscule menatal disability and I felt too bad about writing a stupid blog post.

SO, you get a list of all the stuff that's rattling around in my mind. On to the bullet points!!

  • There are very few Starbucks in Wilmington because right before the Starbucks craze a smart business person started Port City Java which is like Starbucks but locally owned. BUT neither of these fine establishments are anywhere near my work out in the middle of nowhere. I curse not being able to run quickly to get my pumpkin latte. But I think my ass and my wallet and silently glad. Today I shut those bastards up by getting the sickly sweet gas station "cappochino".
  • I mentioned how unhappy I was with my last haircut and last night I tried somewhere new. I loved the stylist (a "straight" guy) and was happy how he made intelligent suggestions without forcing anything on me. I love the haircut but he cut me some wispy bangs along with my side swept bangs that I don't know about. Also, at the ripe old age of 28 I am pulling more gray hairs than I care to think about. The next person who tells me that redheads don't go gray is getting a kick in the neck.
  • Three cheers for Fall TV. Blah blah blah going to the beach, spending time gazing into the Captain's eyes, enjoying nature. Bring on Ugly Betty and the Gossip Girl!
  • I applied with a temp agency since my "temporary" job I took to get me through the summer is slowly sucking the life out of me. Now I'm trying to figure out when to give notice so I have minimum "no job" time.
  • I'm hosting a surprise anniversary party for my in-laws in October. The house is no where near ready to have 40 people over. I'm slightly freaking out but also reveling in the pressure of a deadline. My list of "must do's" is getting longer and the Captain is getting scared by my casual mention of replacing the countertops and painting every room in the house.
  • We're going to a wedding in Raleigh this weekend. My in-laws are also going to this wedding. I feel like all weekend I'm going to be pulled between my parents, the in-laws, friends and other obligations. Awesome.
  • Also at this wedding will be two new babies. I am SO happy for the parents and waiting to have a baby was the smart decision based on our financial situation but I still feel a little sick about it.
  • I'm finally starting to meet people in Wilmington and have joined a couple "Girls Night Out" groups. We're having dinner on Thursday and in two weeks we're going to see an 80's cover band! Woo Hoo!
  • IT'S FALL!!!!! Good-bye sweating during my walk from the house to my car, good-bye having to blind people with the whiteness of my legs. Hello pumpkin everything! Hello sweaters! Hello red and gold leaves! Hello cool breezes!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


If you've been reading this site for more than a week you know I'm a crazy cat lady. I don't have kids but my kitties are our babies. There were 4 kids in my family so our pets were low key like fish, lizards, hamsters, etc. My mom had enough to deal with and we all have allergies. I didn't discover my love for cats until I was married and The Captain talked me into getting just one. Three cats later I'm hooked.

On Thursday night I noticed my youngest cat (who is usually bouncing off the walls) was pretty lethargic but I didn't really do anything about it. On Friday he didn't meet me at the door and I found him nestled in my sweatshirts on the top shelf of the closet. He didn't eat much Friday. Saturday we were keeping an eye on him but he didn't move from one spot all day. We decided to take him to the emergency vet Saturday night after two days of not eating. Also, he looked weird, if that makes sense.

The Captain was really calm and awesome. He held Zingo in the car, for 45 minutes in the waiting room and then once we finally got to see the doctor. Anyone with cats knows they do not like being held for too long so that was just another confirmation he was sick. The Captain started to get pissed when several dogs were admitted before us. One had a broken leg and one had a bloody ear so we understood they needed to be seen first, but it was still frustrating.

Finally we saw the Doctor and he gave the usual "it could be a virus or he could be dying, it will be 1 million dollars to find out." So we waited some more while we heard Zingo crying while blood was taken and FREAK OUT during the x-ray. After we signed away our first child we got the results of "hmm" They decided he didn't have a UTI which is apparently common for male cats (and fatal). So they tried to give him some fluids since he was dehydrated.

One bite on the hand for a vet tech, one bite on the shoulder for me and no fluids later they sent us home with some antibiotics and a syringe to force feed him water.

I don't know if the virus ran it's course or the antibiotics helped but he is back to his usual chasing, crazy self. And I look like I've been bitten by a very tiny vampire.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Not Making the Connection

For the last couple days I've had an actual stomach ache. I'm trying to think back to the last time I had a real stomach ache and all I can think of is maybe after gorging myself last Christmas? I mean I get the monthly "scraping of the uterus" pain. I had plenty of the "too much gin/vodka/substitute whatever" sickness but that's not really pain, more just nausea. *Wow this is a classy post* And then there's the intestinal pain that I'm sure other people get but not me, because ladies never have that. Stop laughing Captain Awesome.

But the ache, it just kind of sucks and makes me sit funny. And wear more elastic waist shorts than are ever necessary. I cooked on Wednesday night so I assumed I had somehow managed to poison myself. But last night we had safe boring Turkey Tacos so I've ruled that out. I did cook those but they're so fool proof there's no way to taint them. I haven't had much dairy and I've been drinking water so I'm kind of stumped.

Today my boss decided that he was having hot dogs for lunch and that he would treat the whole office (the other 3 of us) to hot dogs, onion rings, etc. I love hot dogs and I never turn down onion rings so 30 minutes later I was munching on a chili dog with cheese. I think I may have solved the mystery.

Of course it won't stop me from going to the bar tonight. Maybe if I drink lots of beer I can cleanse my system? Of get drunk enough to not notice. Either way, I'll feel better.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Maybe Cheap Clothes ARE the Answer

Although you'd never know it by my bank balance, I am pretty stingy about spending money on clothes. I spend days drooling over magazines and then try to recreate the looks at Target, TJ Maxx, and Old Navy. Quick Aside, the "Flirt" jean is now my new favorite of all time. Seriously I have never had a jean that fits my odd ass-size to leg-length ratio. I have also been known to by jeans at Steve and Barrys and shirts at Charlotte Russe. I know these clothes will fall apart after one season and that will allow me to buy more $2 shirts. Yay!

One of the other mysteries of cheap clothes is that the pants (jeans and "biznass" pants alike) will stretch after a few wearings and (mostly) snap back after washing. I think I'm normal and wear jeans a couple times before washing them-please don't think I'm gross. Also, let me clarify "cheap". I mean inexpensive, not trashy looking....except for some of the Charlotte Russe shirts. They are cheap in all sense of the word.

During my constant but not very serious quest to keep my weight to reasonable numbers (aka a pretend number/size I made up in my head) I try to avoid constantly weighing myself since it leads me to a downward spiral that can only be fixed by cake or ice cream or cake AND ice cream. So to help keep me on track I mostly judge my weight by how my clothes fit. Are you seeing how this random paragraph ties in? Hopefully?

So day one after cheap pants are washed they fit well and maybe a little bit snug but no pulling or anything. I do the old jean stretching exercises and am fine. Second wearing, "wow these are loose, I must be loosing some weight, but they still look good". Third wearing, "hmm, these are getting kind of baggy, have I lost an entire size this week?"

See how easily I can live in denial and fool myself? I know I bought cheap clothes and I know they stretch. But the stretching helps me delude myself into thinking I'm losing weight so everyone's happy.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Seriously Brain?

Part of my job is to write the date. I write it easily 100 times a day. Nothing fancy just month/day/year. So it's a max of 6 numbers on any given day. I also have three calendars in my line of sight.
Mondays I usually can plan on not knowing the day for the first couple times. When the month changes it takes me a day to remember. September started 9 days ago and I STILL am writing 8 on everything. Come on brain. Catch up. This happens 12 times a year, every year for my entire 28 years on this planet. How does it manage to surprise me every time.
Today I'm about to give up all together. I just realized that for over 1/2 the day I have written 2006 on everything. Yes, I have gone back in time 2 years. I am an idiot.

Monday, September 8, 2008


Yes, we survived the "Storm of the Century" aka Tropical Storm Hanna. I was up most of the night because I'm a worrier and I knew the Captain would not wake up if a tree fell through our roof. Also, I sleep closest to the window and I wanted to avoid flying glass/debris.

And then nothing happened. It rained, it was windy, the cat freaked out, I walked around the dark house and watched trees blowing. The end.

One of my least favorite features of our house is the massive yard. We live on a corner so all our neighbors can see our entire yard. I am not a fan of yard work and the Captain hates it more than me. It's a huge pain since I have to force myself to care and then nag the Captain until he helps me. So when I woke up Saturday morning and saw branches, pinecones and leaves covering our one million acre yard I was less than thrilled. I had kind of psyched myself up for a lazy, rainy weekend. My plan did not include raking and picking up sticks in the humidity.

Saturday I was a complete bum and did nothing. Sunday I finally got off my lazy ass and went to the yard. It was so hot and daunting. The Captain and I worked about an hour until I started feeling sick it was so hot. I still have about 1/2 the yard to do and I'm thinking about waiting until it gets dark to even try it. Do you think the neighbors would think it was odd if they saw me picking up pinecones with a flashlight after midnight?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Tentative Sigh of Relief

I made it a whole long weekend without breaking down. I actually feel happy again and I'm starting to feel a little more settled in Wilmington. The thought of the Captain leaving for the weekend doesn't make my chest tighten up, instead I started thinking about what projects I could work on while he was away. I consider that progress.

The weird thing that I never noticed while in the depths of my black pit was that I had no music in my head. Almost all the time there is some song or jingle or whatever rattling around in my mind while I get ready in the morning or make copies in my office. And that soundtrack was gone for a while. I wake up with music in my head now. I consider that progress.

We had company coming for a couple days of the weekend and I managed to clean the house without feeling overwhelmed. We went to dinner and I had an appetite. I was able to socialize and play games without wanting to run to my room and close the door until they left. I consider that progress.

My sister-in-law had a mini boyfriend crises and her parents were out of town so we went over and sat with her while she cried and worried about what to do. I wasn't focused on me and (I think) helped a little. Then my in-laws came home and we had a family dinner where I didn't want to run away. I consider that progress.

Little by little the things that overwhelmed me are starting to feel less, well, overwhelming. I can handle them and even look forward. The Captain has been amazing and has been shielding me and allowing me outs to all "social" stuff we've been doing if it gets too much. But I think I'm ready to try again.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Two Random Comments and An Apology

Apology first: Captain Awesome I am SO sorry for accidentally kicking you in your bad knee this morning while I groggily searched for the snooze button. I think I mumbled some apologies but I really do feel bad about it. I wanted to put it out on the World Wide Web to prove how sorry I am.

Random #1: Kind of a rant but also an interesting comment on the workings of a person's mind. I am in a customer service position so I talk on the phone and see people all day. On any given day I talk to 20-25 people on the phone and an additional 10-15 in person. Please, please, please do not begin any phone conversation with "Remember I talked to you last week?" People, I love you but no, I do not remember the 30 second conversation we had where you did not even give me your name. I also don't remember what you ordered last month. If you're patient I will happily find the information for you but I don't have the kind of Rain Man mind that recalls all details throughout time. Why is it so important to these people (mostly men) that I remember their little requests? If you order thousands of dollars of merchandise or we talk on the phone every day then I may remember you. Otherwise, just give me your order without the trip down memory lane.

Random #2: So you know how we're supposed to drink around 8 glasses of water a day? I'm not even a little close. For example yesterday, I brought a large 12oz cup of juice to work. When I got in my car at the end of my 9 hour day (including lunch) I poured 1/3 down the drain. Because I'm all science-y I've been experimenting with different drinks but it hasn't made any difference. I really think some of it is the freezing temperature in my office but I should be drinking more than that right? I try to avoid coffee but I think I may have to start making it in the a.m. just to trick my body into drinking more liquids. I don't ever really feel thirsty but I've noticed my skin is drier than normal and I'm shallow enough that the only reason I may make a healthy change to my life is when it affects my outward appearance. Any suggestions?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Stylist with Scissors

I absolutely love getting my hair cut. The whole experience feels very luxurious whether I'm in a chain in a strip mall being washed out by florescent lights or sipping herbal tea in a leather chair. I am a penny-pinching miser so I usually go to the cheaper places for trims but I splurge if I'm making any major changes. No matter what, I always get my hair washed partly because I think the idea of cutting dirty hair is gross but also because I love the feeling and smells of new products and a head massage.

Friday I was past the raggedy kind-of-pulling-it-off stage and into the obvious split ends territory so I drove to the chain I have found in Wilmington. My favorite stylist wasn't there and I was just getting a trim so I just put my name down for anyone. The first thing I noticed when she called my name was her long acryllic nails. Granted I've never had them myself but it just doesn't seem that clean to me. She started washing my hair and the water was freezing. I live in the land of air conditioning on high all the time, so it was already chilly. I asked her to warm the water up and she sighed and said she would but she doesn't like the water too hot. !!!! I should have taken it as a sign and just left but I had driven all this way and I was getting a hair cut dammit!

After my lukewarm washing she set me up in the chair. Except for the water temperature exchange we hadn't said anything and she started combing and parting my hair without asking me (still) what I wanted her to do. If I'm getting a trim I honestly don't really care what a stylist does and I appreciate suggestions but I think it's a good idea to get SOME idea of what we're doing to my hair. Finally I just volunteered I wanted a trim with my bangs evened up and the longer layers trimmed. She acted like I asked for some crazy new hairstyle and there was about 5 minutes of her questioning exactly what I wanted her to do. Maybe she was new or unexperienced but really? was it that difficult.

Still in absolute silence she started cutting ONE HAIR AT A TIME. It was the slowest trim I've ever gotten. At one point she piped up and asked if I had highlights. I said no and her response was "Hmm". That it, just hmm. So for the rest of the intermidable time I sat there trying to figure out this cryptic comment. Did I need highlights? Is my hair damaged like I color it? Am I going gray?

Finally she was done drying my hair and I basically ran for the door. And I don't even really like the cut. So no more random women at the cheap places. I'll stick with the people I know who ask about my hair, chat during the 15 minute trim and allow me more than a trickle of hot water. Lesson learned.

Monday, August 11, 2008


So I've gone and let a whole week pass between posts again. But it's not for lack of trying. Actually I was saving you, my dear readers, from the mess that has been me. I actually posted this warning on the 5th or 6th draft of the post:

Warning. Self-Indulgent Whiny Post Ahead, Procede with Caution.

Every day since last Thursday I come to this entry and try to put something down on paper that conveys my feelings but doesn't make anyone feel like slitting their wrists. Some samples of my super dramatic attempts....

From Thursday-"My parents are coming tomorrow and although I can't wait to see them I just want to hide in bed. I actually worry I may run the car and beg them to take me to Raleigh with them to get me out of here."

From Sunday-"Is numb better than nothing? When the Captain asks what's wrong and I say "nothing" it drives him crazy because he thinks I'm being stubborn but the problem actually is the nothingness."

From Monday-"I'm angry all the time, about everything. It's taken over my life and left a black scummy cloud over everything I think, feel and do. My response is to get weepy and sullen like my 13 year-old-self has re-inhabited my body and is forcing me to revert to the silent treatment and sarcasm punctuated by crying bouts with yelling. "

I guess Monday it all came to a head with my sobbing in the bathroom at work, then going home and sobbing in the shower (while guests sat in the living room) and then sobbing on the bed with the Captain. You know how usually you can cry for a little bit and then feel better. I just kept waiting for the feeling better stage and instead got more and more sad.

The most frustrating part for me was the massive disconnect between my emotions and my mind. Logically I wanted to stop crying and the things setting me off were not worth hours of tears. But I just couldn't get out. I don't think I've had to deal with real depression before but this past week gave me an idea of what people deal with.

After weeks of stewing and being angry and sneaking into the bathroom at night to cry I broke down and let the Captain into my crazy. And shocker! It actually helped to have someone else to lean on. He sat with me while I cried and we actually talked about what was going on with us. We also set up a night to go over money stuff so I could stop feeling the ulcers gnawing their way through my stomach. I also had great conversations with my dad and sister who are money geniuses about ideas on how to get us back on track. And the most helpful thing they both told me? That everyone has times when the money gets low and the debts get high.

I've been feeling ashamed about how bad our money situation is and how we fell into every trap they warn you about. I couldn't talk about it because I felt like we were the only ones drowning. And yes, I read the news stories about people losing their homes or getting cars repossed but I didn't associate "them" with "us". And then to combat the lack of control over money I started quietly obsessing about making everything else perfect in my life. The house not being clean made me physically sick, piles of laundry were over-whelming, being "just a receptionist" was unacceptable. But guess what? Nothing is perfect. The harder I tried and "failed" the worse it got. The Captain tried to reassure me that everything was fine but all I heard in those words was either that he assumed I would fail because I always do or that he was just in denial and I was the only one who could save us. Adding more stress I couldn't handle.

I think I'm gaining a little perspective. I still feel the stress but I've actually felt ok the last couple of days. I had a great time at book club on Wednesday where I had drinks and we made plans for the weekend. The other nights the Captain and I have just relaxed around the house making dinner and enjoying each others company. Tonight is our big "money talk" but instead of dreading it I'm looking forward to an open discussion and coming up with a plan. So I guess I've taken my first steps away from the blackness and towards something better.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Mainly to Get the Last Post Off the Top

My days are pretty routine. Get up, go to work, leave work, run errands, straighten parts of the house/do chores, cook dinner, clean up from dinner, zone out in front of TV, go to bed. Woo hoo! Exciting, no? Since the Captain's surgery we can't really do much that involves walking around and we have no money so that pretty much limits us to free stuff with lots of sitting. As you can imagine, that does not make for lots of exciting nights and weekends (or blog posts).

I'm sure everyone is like this but I have yet to find the happy medium between routine and mind-numbing boredom. I love to be scheduled and have a plan but I couldn't be happy in a life where everything was the same, every day, until I die. On the other side of the coin I love traveling and trying new things but I would be curled up in a corner if I had no idea what was coming from minute to minute. Maybe I have a "grass is always greener" attitude. Or a "want what you can't have" problem.

***Random Change of Subject***

My parents are coming to see the house for the first time this weekend. They can't stay with us because my dad is allergic to our cats but it will be really nice to visit with them. My parents have never really come to "visit" before. We used to live in the same town so we got together for the day or evening but not for a weekend. And they only came to OH once on their way to visit some relatives and only stayed one evening.

I've been planning meals and cleaning so the house will be perfect. I'm trying to figure out how to sell our not-yet-conceived first born so I can get the patio furniture I want before the weekend. And I've been painting the paneling in our TV room so it doen't look like a cave. All of which they will not care about. They want to do projects so I've made some mental lists of stuff they can help with including hanging pictures and replacing my dryer hose (?). Apparently they are not supposed to be riddled with holes and tears. Who knew?

All I really want out of the visit is to have good food and good conversation. If nothing else, it will be different from my usual routine.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Captain Awesom

The Captain has been my rock for as long as I've known him. The last two months have just been awful and we got sucker punched with surprise bills and money/savings got to a scary low number. Since my way of dealing with money problems is lots of hyperventilating and/or pretending the bills don't exist, the Captain has taken on more than his share of worries. But he still makes me laugh and feel loved every day.

I mentioned in my last post that the Captain had knee surgery. He has been dealing with tons of pain along with boredom and insomnia from laying around all day long. He hasn't really complained and has tried to be as helpful as he can on crutches. Pain fills his face and sweat pops out on his forehead when he hobbles around but he still set the table for dinner last night. He cracks jokes and forces me to relax when he can tell I've reached my breaking point.

Although he did everything right, he has to be on crutches another month. He is frustrated and exhausted and in pain. I don't really have a point to this post except I'm sad for him.

Tonight we make his first rehab appointment and he's talking to HR about taking more time off. I'll drag out the hand weights so he can get some activity while sitting. We'll rent some TV seasons so he has something to break up the monotony.

I'm very happy it's just knee surgery and not cancer or some other life threatening disease. But I'm so sorry he has to go through this.

Friday, August 1, 2008

So Sleepy....Zzzzzzzz

Damn, I was really trying to post more than once a week but the planets aligned to keep me away from the keyboard. (I accidentally typed "the plants aligned" which cracked me up, see? tired). ANYWAY, The Captain had knee surgery on Wednesday after a month of pain and limping around. He has an amazing doctor who helped convince him to get it done even though no one was 100% sure what was wrong. The surgery went well and they found a tear which was repaired so yay. The downside is that since Wednesday at 5am I have been nursing my dear sweet husband who cannot walk and is in serious pain.

He has been great and not at all abused this but it still takes a toll. He's not sleeping well so I am listening for his movements all night. I am scared I'm going to kick him in the bad knee so I try to lie super still. Also, if he falls while on crutches I'm not sure I could get him back up so I follow him around while he tries to go to the bathroom (PS, he hates this). Long story (kind of) short, neither one of us is sleeping. Awesome!

While he's sick he likes us to hang out together which is so sweet and I love it when he wants to spend time with me. But before I can sit down I have to get him drinks, settle his pillows, get myself food/drinks, do a quick load of laundry/load dishwasher/make bed/insert other boring household chore, etc. So it's less relaxing for me. But C? Why are you worring about the house? Well internets, in order to help me out and let me do little things like getting perscriptions filled and going to work, my in-laws have been coming over and sitting with the Captain. I truely, truely appreciate their help but I can't leave the house a disaster. (yes, I probably could but a tiny part of me still wants to impress them and convince them that yes, I'm worthy of your beautiful baby boy).

Do you like how I made his painful surgery about me? It's a gift really.

Add on to that, our house in Cincinnati is closing on Monday and although we took care of most of it before the surgery a few things have come up that I have to take care of. Boo.

The bright spot in my day is that it's the 1st. That means Calendar Flipping Day! There's something about tearing off a page covered in notes, dates, names, etc to reveal a fresh clean white page that's super satisfying to the anal retentive person in me. And in my office I get to flip 5 calendars! Plus the one at home and the white board. So except for the crippled husband, money crap and exhaustion it's a pretty good day.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Here We Go Again

I've now lived in Wilmington for 2 months. The house still needs work but we're pretty settled in. It's time for me to leave the comfort of my "temporary" job and get back to reality. I enjoy this job and the hours. I'm busy without being stressed and I don't really have to think about what to wear in the mornings.

But the pay is just not going to cut it if we're going to pay our bills and put a little money in the bank for a baby someday. I HATE looking for a job. I love working and being busy but the searching, sending resumes, interviewing and then the waiting parts suck. The higher paying jobs I'm qualified for are going to be sales jobs. I get stressed working on commission and having to be "on" all the time. I've been thinking about it a lot this weekend and I need to get over myself. The Captain is not pressuring me to make this change but I know what he makes and what our bills are. I need to put on my big girl pants and start looking around. I really want to have kids sooner than later and that won't/can't happen until we're more settled financially. So, here goes nothing. If you hear of anything in Wilmington NC that pays a lot please, just call me. Otherwise, expect some complain-y posts about interviews, job searching, etc. I promise to try to keep them short.

The Company Clean

This is a phrase my poor dad came up with when we were all living at home. It's what happens when you realize that strangers are coming into your house in several hours and it looks like a tornado passed through. My mom LOVES to entertain and all their friends assume my parents will host all holiday, celebrations, get-together parties at their house. So pretty much every weekend my mom would organize us and we would sweep through the house. I'm sure they don't do this anymore since their messy children moved out and they can actually keep the place looking good.

It's my policy to not stress myself out about housecleaning during the week. We try to keep the pile of dishes to a managable height and I pick up dirty socks left on the living room floor *cough Captain cough*. Also, the Captain makes the bed in the morning since he gets to sleep later then me. But otherwise, I can ignore the cat hair tumbleweeds and dust on the book case until the weekend.

On Friday morning I got a call from one of my best friends from Raleigh. We haven't seen each other since March 07 but we keep in touch. He and his sister (also a friend) were in town at the beach and they wanted to see the house and take me out for drinks. My mouth said "Yay, see you later" but my brain said "Oh God No!". My friend P has amazing taste and his house looks like a page out of Architectural Digest. I have not managed to paint any rooms and just hung a pictures a couple weeks ago. Plus, I hadn't really done anything to the house all week. Luckily The Captain did dishes on Wednesday so the kitchen was in decent shape. I ran home and spent an hour frantically cleaning, sweeping, wiping and hiding piles of junk mail and clean but not hung up laundry. (It just occured to me I still never got that basket out of the Captain's closet, oops.)

By the time they arrived I was dressed in cute clothes with a clean (ish) house. It was amazing to see them and we started talking like we picked up like we see each other every day. They tried to convince me to go to Raleigh with them and hang out. I was tempted but as much as I love them, I need to build a group of friends in Wilmington instead of running to Raleigh every weekend. But it's nice knowing if I need them, they're there for me. And also that I can clean the house in an hour if I need to.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Reason #1,564,988 Why I Love Captain Awesome

Scene: Driving to a late dinner last night down a very sparsely populated road. We pass an older woman crossing the road in a casual black dress and carrying a tan bath towel.

Me: "Where's she going and/or coming from? There's no streets around here."

Captain (in a completely serious voice): "Probably someone invited her to an above-ground pool party"

Me: !?!?
Me:"Why above-ground pool?"

Captain: "Would you invite a woman like that to your in-ground pool party?"

Me: driving off the road laughing.

Of course he was joking, please no emails from angry above-ground pool owners or older women that walk around with towels. I'm sure you're all lovely people.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Book Club Update

6 amazing women + 5 bottles of wine + cake AND cheese= awesome!

I'm a little tipsy but yay new bookclub. We spent 10 minute talking about the book and 4+ hours drinking wine, telling stories and laughing. We already have plans for the weekend. When we met I wasn't sure since we were all stiff and formal but I like the dynamic and that we all have different stories.

And I was worried that I would come across as a drunk but EVERY single person brought a bottle of wine. I heart the bookclub.

P.S. My brother is 24 years old and getting his masters but tonight called me because he was trying to buy a "stretchy sheet" and couldn't find one. Luckily my sister was able to help and told him to look for the secret words "fitted sheet". Success!

Performance Anxiety

Although I consider myself a shy person I don't usually have too much trouble meeting people when I move to a new place. When we moved to Cincinnati I met an amazing group of women in a bookclub on Craigslist.

And I met several freak-shows through other Craigslist/Meetup things. My favorite was the woman I met advertising a walking partner who wanted to meet at 6am on Saturday to walk through a graveyard. In her defense it was summer so 6am was cooler. But the first thing she said was a warning that she was sore after her one night stand last night and she was going to her grandmother's funeral later that day. !?!? Nice to meet you too, weirdo.

But the bookclub women were super nice and fun and didn't mention sexual exploits or dead relatives during our first meetings. We had similar interests and at least once a week I met at least one of them to have dinner, go to a festival, see a movie, get a drink, etc. They were totally my lifeline while the Captain was in NC and I was still in OH. When I had to leave we ended up having about 4 good-bye dinners because I couldn't face leaving them.

Flash forward to NC. I haven't really made an effort to meet anyone. Partial out of laziness but mostly because I'm not ready to go through the whole relationship cycle again. When I left Raleigh friends it really hurt and then it happened all over again in Cincinnati. I know this sounds crazy but I'm just not ready to deal with it again. I know, dramatic much?

The Captain got tired of me whining about having nothing to do and in a loving way forced me to look around for another book club or group to join. I found one, on Craigslist again, that seemed encouraging. They're just starting so there's no pre-formed cliques I'll have to conform to. They posted their lists of books they want to read and I also want to read most of them. The first meeting (which I couldn't go to-read wussed out because I was having a really bad hair day) was held at a bar which is always a good sign. Tonight is the first actual meeting. I read the book which I actually really liked even though I never would have picked it up on my own. I talked everyone into bringing snacks and wine and I'm having a decent hair day. So tonight at 6pm I'll be drinking wine and hopefully making friends. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Thank God for wine.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Get Nothing Done This Weekend, Check

Last week I was exhausted all week. Not just a little tired but I can't keep my eyes open crabby tired. I finally figured out Friday night I was getting a cold. I decided to follow the old adage "starve a fever, drown a cold in amazing red wine" and drank my way through half a bottle of Gnarly Head Zin. The Captain kept me company and we watched several cheesy movies like Unzipped and Loaded Weapon.

Saturday I slept until almost noon then The Captain dragged me off to Chick-fil-A for lunch. I dragged him to Lowes so we could get supplies for some home improvement-type things like paint and plumbing. But when we got home, I ended up playing on the computer and then taking a nap. We replenished ourselves from our hard day with a carb-y spaghetti/garlic bread dinner.

Sunday I slept late again which is totally un-like me. We went to lunch at PT's an amazing grill place that serves lemon-pepper fries. We stopped at Harris Teeter for a few things which ended up costing a million dollars. I'm almost to the point I can't decide if it's more expensive to eat out or buy groceries. We went to a matinee of Batman so The Captain would be left out of the conversations this week. I am a huge wuss about scary/violent movies but I did want to see it. It was scary and disturbing and sad and gory but it was really good. I've had a mini-crush on Christian Bale since Newsies so I was looking forward to seeing him. But really all the acting was really really good. I was blown away by Heath Ledger but Aaron Eckhart stole the show by acting with-out over acting an entire range of emotions.
When we got home I actually did laundry and my amazing He-Man husband replaced the drain AND shower head in the bathroom.

Today I'm still congested and tired but feel rested for the first time. Now it's time for my nap.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Things That are Making Me Crazy (Superficial Version)

Since no one wants the lava of crazy that is constantly bubbling in my head lately to spew out and create a Pompeii version of my life, I am going to slowly release some of the pressure by listing the stupid things people do that make me stabby. Count your blessings this isn't a long and rambling post about my l
You're welcome and feel free to add your own.

-When I answer the phone hearing a stranger ask "Who's this?" Learn to stop dialing random numbers or KNOW WHO YOU'RE CALLING!

-That my email is blocked by the spam filter at work even after being promised it would be fixed but I can see bloglines and blogger which are even more time sucking.

-Radio commercials. There is nothing but screaming about sales or "hilarious" voices selling everything from bug spray to waffles. Just play some damn music.

-Being cold. Ok, if it's winter or something I can get over it. But do we really need it to be 60 inside if it's 89 outside? Maybe I should amend this to be air conditioning in general.

-Domestic chores. I just did laundry and there's only two of us. How is the basket full again?

-Snoring. Anyone who has a partner who snores is nodding their head. Everyone else, I hate you.

-Fax Machines.

Now, so you all don't think I'm a hateful crotchety old lady a list of things that are making me happy recently:
Good Indian food cooked by my own little hands (go me!), my snuggly kitties who make me laugh, my sweet husband who doesn't complain about me never taking the trash to the curb or bringing the empty cans back, leaving early on Fridays, finding new blogs that seem to be writing the story of my life, sleeping in two days in a row.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Can I Get a Personal Chef?

I am a horrible cook. There, it's out there. And not in the way that people say it as they serve a gourmet meal but they forgot the home-made chanterelle butter for their home-made rolls. In the, I attempted turkey burgers that turned into little dry, hard lumps, kind of way.

But I'm trying. I've started planning menus each Saturday so I know what's coming up. I also try one new dish a week and it's actually been fun. I have made casseroles, pasta dishes, and some ethnic foods. The one thing I always fail at is meat. I think that I'm so paranoid about under-cooking it I end sucking all the moisture and taste out. But again, I'm trying.

I went grocery shopping last night for a couple things I needed for the week's menus. Mostly boring stuff like mushrooms, applesauce and tortillas. And chicken breast. I stopped at a grocery I don't normally go to because I had some other errands to run which was on the shadier side of town. When gas drops below $2/gal I'll drive to the ritzier neighborhoods but until then, where ever I am is where I get my food.

I wait until the end to pick out my meat because I'm a wuss and it still grosses me out. So I took a breath and stared into the frozen wasteland of pink, slimy chicken. And the first think I lay my eyes on? A lovely package of "Chicken Paws". It's exactly what you think. A sterile white styrafoam tray of pale clammy chicken feet. With toe-nails.
OMG toe-nails. And then I died. The End.

Actually I grabbed a package of a brand I recognized and ran away. I'm supposed to cook chicken tonight in a curry sauce I found and am looking forward to. But those toe-nails will haunt me in my dreams.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Vern and Ernest

Did you ever watch this show?

Hey Vern, It's Ernest

We used to watch it Saturday mornings after PeeWee's Playhouse. It was super silly and there are now like 100 movies based on the character.

*Quick rambling, the movie Earnest Goes to Camp was one of my families favorite movies. I know, sad. But there is a song called "Gee I'm Glad it Raining" which is seriously one of the saddest songs EVER. My sister and I would watch it with tears streaming down our faces. At an Earnest movie. We're so weird.

My bosses are AMAZINGLY nice and take care of me and buy me Cokes and breakfast when I'm tired. One of them constantly says "Know what I mean?" And every single time, in my mind, I add "Vern"

It's a sickness.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I Heart My Family but....

Over July 4th weekend my entire family (all 8 plus a dog) got together at the beach. That in itself is a miracle since we're all busy and have our own lives. We originally didn't think it would happen but my parents sent the word they were going and anyone could join them. And slowly, we all were able to clear our schedules and meet at Pine Knoll Shores.

My dad's cousin has a winter home there and my family is in charge of keeping it up during the summer-awesome! It's a nice 2 bedroom house in a neighborhood walking distance to the beach. Are you doing the math in your head now? 8 people + 1 dog + 2 bedrooms = craziness. My sister and I are both married so throw in a couple in-laws and I dare anyone to try to blend those different schedules. We all brought blow up mattresses for the loft area and theoretically it would have been a fun slumber party type weekend.

We all learned that we love each other but we could never live together again. I am a super old lady and go to bed early. My brother is a grad student and lives in his lab so he's up until 3 or 4 am and sleeps late. My other sister has normalish hours but is a night person and my youngest sister keeps college hours.

We also learned that lots of alcohol does not lead to "inside voices". In the past we've rented a house on the beach so the loud, excuse me "late-night" people can go sit on the beach and scream so us grandma-types can be snoring away at 10pm. Also, when the grandma-types get up at 8 or 9 we can go to the beach and not wake up the sleeping/hung-over beauties. Apparently my mom loves doing dishes early in the morning which is not what you want to hear after 3 hours sleep.

The Captain is not really a beach person and I was surprised that he agreed to go. He also hurt his knee a couple weeks ago so he's been limping around. (He is scheduling his orthroscopic surgery this week!) So it sucked that he was just kind of laying around the house watching TV. Honestly, it upset me more than him. I was bummed that we weren't spending time together during the day and he is a late night person so we didn't really even share a bed/blow-up mattress that much. I'm dealing with some things regarding the move and relocation that all kind of came to a head but it's pretty much impossible to fight while your entire family is around you at all times. But we had a good talk on the drive home and got a lot of things out in the open.

I feel like I'm making it sound bad which it really wasn't. We haven't all been together in forever so the first night we were all screaming laughing and telling stories about each other. We had some awesome dinners and my brother-in-law made a seafood feast Saturday night. I got to take long walks with my mom and giggle late (ok 10pm) into the night with my sisters. The weather was gorgeous and we didn't get any rain until the last day when we were packing up anyway. We agreed that we can't wait to do it again but next time we all get together we're buying an industrial size pack of ear-plugs and less alcohol.

Of course I'm just kidding about the alcohol.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

So, How Was Your Month?

I took an un-official blogging break. I moved back in with Captain Awesome, moved to a new city, got a job and a new house. I also had some stuff come up in my life I didn't feel like I could talk about with the whole world. And then, I kind of just got out of the habit of sitting down each night with the computer. I originally started blogging as a way to pass the time while the Captain and I were apart. So it seemed a little counter-productive to spend time away from him to blog.

Now I'm ready to pick it back up so in order to slowly ramp up I'm stealing an idea from the amazing Janet.

Love/Hate New(ish) Job Edition:

Love: The dress code is super casual-jeans everyday if I want!!
Hate: The office is freezing so I usually wear jeans and a cute top... covered by a sweater (ok, hoodie)
Love: When I make a half-ass attempt to dress up I get lots of compliments.

Love: I leave at 4pm Mon-Thurs and 3pm on Fridays
Hate: I have to be there at 7am which means leaving my house at 6:30-too early for me

Love: I pass a Krsipy Kreme on my way to work
Hate: I pass a Krispy Kreme on my way to work and doughnuts don't help me fit into my jeans.

Love: The only other women in the office is the owner's mother so I win for cutest!
Hate: I miss having lots of women around me.

Love: Two words: Overtime Pay.
Hate: I don't make much money since I'm basically a fancy receptionist.

Love: I control the radio and can listen to whatever I want (mostly)
Hate: We're in the sticks so we don't get many signals

Love: Customer service jobs are super fun and I get to meet new people every day.
Hate: For every 10 great people I meet there is 1 crazy or mean person.

Love: I interact mostly with contractors or builders (think muscle-y, tan)
Hate: Although they may be easy on the eyes, working all day in the heat makes them not so easy on the nose.

Love: I have a job! Even though it's not ideal it is mostly pretty great and gets me out of the house. My small paycheck lets me buy the occasional new clothes, iced coffee, groceries...

I really am going to make an attempt to post more regularly and comment on all my favorite blogs.

Friday, June 6, 2008

I Can't Believe I'm Still Complaining

I truely am happy to be in Wilmington with the Captain and our family. I love our new house and it has great potential for fun projects like replacing light fixtures and painting which I love. I got two weeks off to set up the house where I could sleep in (even though I didn't), eat whatever I want, hang out with my SIL, and veg out on the couch during the really hot days.

My FIL has some clients who are looking for a receptionist and I met with them yesterday. They offered me the job on the spot which was flattering. I can't believe I'm about to say this after my super complainy last post but...I don't think I want this job.
Pros: Easy work, off all weekends and holidays, small family-run business, casual dress (shorts and jeans every day!)
Cons: Hours are 7am to 4pm which means up at 5:15 every morning, not actually using my college degree, pay is much lower than I need, place is far out in the sticks, and the worst...
They don't use computers! No computers in the whole place. No email or internet for the entire day. I could look at it as a positive and cleanse myself of my additiction to the tubes and wires of the web. But right now my only reaction is NOOOOOO while waving my fists in to the sky.

I spoke to the owner and we agreed that I could work for about 4 weeks and then we could re-evaluate with no hard feelings. I will be out of the house and bringing a little money in. It will give them time to find someone who wants the job full time. And I may love it and be able to negotiate a higher salary. So I start Monday! What do I wear?!?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Am I Done Yet?

Even though this is my third move in 5 years I always seem to forget how hectic it is. I am a creaature of habit and having piles and boxes of stuff all over the house makes me a little crazy. We also hit a snag with some of the larger appliances in the house including hot water heater, refrigerator and dishwasher which means about 5 minutes of hot water a day, the only working refrigerator in the house is in the garage and no working dishwasher. They're getting taken care of and the Captain worked on the hot water tonight so hopefully that's fixed. But still.....

I had a little pity party today after I just got overwhelmed. I hate not contributing to the family finances and we just keep getting bills. I have applied for a bunch of jobs but I haven't heard back from anyone. On the other hand, there's no way I could be unpacking, cleaning and getting the utilities set up if I was also trying to work a new job. The Captain has been incredible and keeps assuring me that I am helping the family but it's still hard.

On a happier note we had an amazing weekend of seeing friends, going to a baby shower and hanging out with my family. It's so nice to just be able to drive a couple hours to see people instead of flying. The baby shower was for a friend from college and there were a couple other pregnant ladies there. It really makes me realize how much I want to have a baby. But then we're back to the whole "contributing financially to the family" thing.

We've got so many ideas and plans for the future that are all bouncing around, running into each other. We just have to figure out some way to align everything so it makes sense and has some kind of timeline. Like should the Captain go back to school now or later? Baby? Stay in Wilmington or move to an area with more work for the Captain? Should I go back to school? I know everyone goes through this and there's no "right" answer. Right now I'm just going to focus on unpacking, spending time with the Captain and walking on the beach.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

New Address, Wilmington NC

It's been a 10 days. I could have blogged last week but I was overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I had to write about so, of course, I wrote nothing. I made it to Wilmington and due to some last minute and lucky aligning of the universe I was able to take Friday off (last Friday, the 23rd) so I could take care of some last minute details and hit the road.

My fantastically amazing Cincinnati friends kept offering me delicious food so I had three nights of "last dinners" which was sad but because we broke up into smaller groups I was able to spend time with all of them. And it gave me an excuse to break up the massive house scrub and drink some wine. While I don't mind straightening a house and prefer to keep my house clean-ish I can tell you that I will never be able to fall back on a career as a housekeeper. I'm too happy to sweep a dust bunny back under the couch than actually pick it up. And if you come visit, please don't judge me for the amount of dust on the taller cabinets I can't see.

The reunion with the Captain was everything I hoped for and more. We were staying at his parents for the weekend until the movers came on Monday so pretty much all we did was sleep late, eat tasty but unhealthy foods, take a nap, more food and then a movie or TV if we weren't otherwise "occupied". I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that this isn't just a visit but that I get to see him EVERY day!

Monday the movers came and we stood in the front yard and checked off boxes and directed where things should go. Turns out pale kids like the Captain and myself should not be morons and wear sunscreen. I was wearing a tank top and got a red nose and shoulders but poor Captain got a raging farmer's tan/burn.

Tuesday the Captain and I packed up all the stuff he had at his parent's house and carried it (in the 80 degree weather with humidity) and carried it over to the new house. I really wanted to spend the night that night so we worked on our bedroom and bathroom. The Captain's parents were so sweet to let us (and three wild cats) stay with them but I have to admit there's nothing better than collapsing into your own queen-size bed with your pillows and snuggly husband beside you.

Wednesday the Captain had to go back to work so we would have a little money and I unpacked boxes for about 8 hours straight. I got most things done except for the formal living room which is right now a home for about a million empty boxes and anything we don't know what to do with. We did get internet so yay! That night I met the Captain and some work friends to watch them play beach volleyball. I wanted to make a good impression so I actually did something to my hair and wore a cute outfit. And then I got to the location and it was cold and drizzling and everyone else had gym clothes on. So I met a bunch of new people in a ratty sweatshirt I had in my car and super frizzy hair. At least we were all in the same boat. It was fun and nice to put faces to names the Captain had been talking about for three months.

Today I met the cable guy (yay, tv!) and ran a bunch of errands. We're going to an out-of-town baby shower and then to stay with my parents on Saturday so I needed to get things somewhat organized.

I'm feeling pretty happy about the whole situation and except for a refrigerator that is not getting cold and drips water into a bucket that has to be emptied every 10 hours, the house is great and I have a huge closet.

Next on the list, operation "Find C a job so she stops going to Target and spending all our non-existent money"

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Ok, New Plan....

Instead of freaking out on my blog I'll have really supportive friends and family rally around me and help me get things done while making me laugh, buying me drinks and taking my mind off everything. My good friend came in town and ran errands for me, cleaned out my freezer and poured strawberry margaritas down my throat. My online friends sent me nice messages of support.

So I'm ahead of my list, relaxed and have two new amazing pairs of jeans in my closet. Nice.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Busy as a Stressed Out and Crabby Bee

First I want to thank everyone who's been commenting on my little corner of the web. When I started this thing it was really just for my amusement. I can't describe how nice it is having a little positive reinforcement. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

In one week I will be moving 4 states away. Due to a few shitty issues coming up at the same time I will be taking only one day off from work and will be working 1/2 day the morning I drive to NC. Also, I have maybe overscheduled myself a smidge during the next week. Here's my schedule:
-best friend comes in town
-dress up to see Jen Lancaster! I'm so excited! (Do you like how I act like we have a special dinner planned instead of sitting with a million other people at a book store while I try not to act like an ass when she signs my book?)
-drink strawberry margaritas at my house until our tongues turn red or we pass out
-Best friend leaves (boo)
-Take clothes to Goodwill
-Return Library books
-Clean out car
-Going Away Party (!) with lots of drinks (yay!)
-Pack suitcase to last me a week including but not limited to grungy cleaning/moving clothes, two nicer work outfits, interview suit and a bathing suit (since I'm moving to the beach!)
-Put everything I don't want packed by movers in a closet
-Clean house
-Run last minute errands like buying book on tape for drive and cat food for starving kitties
-Wash sheets on guest bed
-Work all day
-Ship cable box and internet back to Time Warner (Nooo, mai preshus!)
-Make dish for last book club ever
-Get guest room ready
-Clean out fridge/freezer
-Possibly do some yard work IF IT EVER STOPS RAINING
-Work all day
-Race to last book club ever
-Meet aunt and uncle at my house
-Get up at super early hour to say good-bye to aunt and uncle
-Meet movers
-Cleaning up dirty floors, a million cat toys and tumbleweeds of cat hair as movers lift heavy furniture that has not moved since movers put furniture into my house
-Check into hotel
-Work all day (7:00 am to 5:00 pm)
-Go back to house to finish cleaning
-Work 1/2 day (6:00 am to 12:00 pm)
-Pick up cats, load car and drive 11 hours to NC!

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Notice I have no time for paralyzing feelings of inadequacy, sadness at leaving amazing friends, sleep, lying awake for the hours of 2am to 5am thinking about all the things I'm forgetting, feeling guilty for leaving cats in house with no furniture, etc. which has been taking up most of my time the past three days. I just moved in February of 07 and yet I had forgotten how unsettling this all is. I'm mood swinging every hour between "oh, this is cake" to "HOLY CRAP THIS IS HARD!"

Basically this super long post is an excuse for why you (and of course I mean you, the internet) may not hear from me until next week. Or next month.
Send help.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Midwest Spring?

I've lived here for over a year now. I experienced Spring last year, in this house. But I don't remember this weather. I guess I'm spoiled by living in the South but shouldn't it be warm by now? I'm positive I spent most of my birthdays with my friends and family at the lake, eating fried chicken, brownie cake and swimming. I have pictures of everyone in bathing suits.

So why is is 47 degrees right now??? This is not bathing suit weather! My birthday is next week and it's not going to be bathing suit weather then either. Saturday was nice and warm. I sat outside in shorts and a tank top. Sunday was in the 60's and raining. This morning it was 40 with a high of 67 this afternoon. Is this normal? Is everyone used to a spring where you wear flannel pajamas to bed? Where you wear a tank-top under a short-sleeved shirt under a jacket with jeans and sandals. I'm cold by nature but I absolutely refuse to turn my heat on in the middle of May. So I've got extra quilts on my bed and haven't put my winter clothes in storage. But my office has the AC on since it's "spring".

Don't worry, in a few weeks I'll be in NC whining about the heat. But right now, I'm looking forward to it.

**Only 3 more days until I get to meet Jen Lancaster! My best friend is coming up, we're putting on our fancy dresses, having some drinks and preparing to laugh our asses off! Squee!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I'm Done

It has been raining all day. Not a single minute without the tap, tap, tap of rain on the sky lights. There's little rivlets of water in the basement. I can't go outside and walk around. I could go shopping but I'm saving all my pennies for the move. So I've been in the house all day. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a lazy day of watching TV. But I still feel a little anxious about the move and it's killing me that I can't really DO anything right now. The things I need to pack are the things going in the car with me. And if I have to pack them in the car it means it's stuff I need every day. I wish the movers were coming tomorrow. I'm super ready to see my husband and start living as a married couple again. Bah Humbug.
I need more ice cream cake.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Happy Friday!

You know what makes a rainy Friday afternoon of a super long week a little better?
Unexpected Ice Cream Cake! And it was delicious.


Mother's Day is this weekend and I've been thinking about what to get my mom and mother-in-law. People have very different ideas about what's a "good" gift. Obviously preferences and tastes will vary. My mom hates shopping and always asks for practical gifts. For example, one year she wanted a new deviled egg plate. I don't know why but we've always given her nightgowns as gifts also. I guess because she wears them and when we were little she would give up buying something for herself so that we could have new clothes. She also has a favorite candy that we buy her. My MIL has a rule that none of her gifts can have electric cords. I think it's because my FIL loves tools and would buy her gadgets every year if he could. Also, she has two sons. My sister-in-law gets her beautiful jewelry now that she's old enough to shop on her own.

My birthday is at the end of the month so I'm also thinking about gifts for me. My idea of a good gift is something that I wouldn't normally buy for myself. Although I LOVE getting flowers and candy is always appreciated the traditional romantic gifts are not necessarily my favorite. The Captain is great at remembering little things I mentioned that I wanted and now forgot. Also, since he grew up with the "no cords" rule he is great at getting me sparkly, pretty things. My sisters have amazing style and their gifts to me are always something I love but would never think to get for myself. My brother makes great mix CD's and blends my nerdy favorites with cool new stuff. Last year he included the Fraggle Rock theme song and Frank Sinatra along with The Killers , The White Stripes and The Rolling Stones. How could you not love it?

I think we all have that one friend or family member that gets us the crazy gift every year. The one that makes you say "Really? That's what you think I like?" (in your mind of course). I had a great aunt that used to get everyone wild stuff including finger cymbals, bonsai golf course, toy accordion and glow in the dark pillow cases. And I know, it's the thought that counts and I should be happy I get gifts at all and there are people all over the world who dream about having a glow in the dark pillow case. (See with the sarcasm people? No angry letter please)

My biggest gift is seeing Captain Awesome again. And since we haven't sold the house and I have no job lined up in NC we will be very tight on money so I don't really expect anything big. But I can dream right? So here's my dream list:
1. New vacuum cleaner-especially a pet hair one. Our vacuum is the Captain's from his college apartment, 9 years ago. It's a little beat up and was recently used to clean up from a toilet repair job so when used it has a musty smell.
2. Luggage. We got some when we were married but we have worn it out. Our favorite bag has broken wheels and holes in it.
3. Running Shoes. I want some nice ones and since I've actually been using them at the gym instead of to run errands they are getting a little gross.
4. Blender. One word....Margaritas! and Milk Shakes (ok, three words)
5. Trips with the Captain. Anywhere and any time.

So what are your dream gifts?

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Scene: me driving alone in my car, attempting to sing along to the Wicked soundtrack (which has been in my CD player for months now because, again, the obsessions.)

Me: Hmm, kind of a boring day. What should I have for dinner? Why is my voice not even close to as awesome as Kristin Chenworth? Oh look, someone walking their dog. I better be sure not to run them over with my car.
Brain: Oh yeah. Remember that time in college when you were walking to class and you totally ate it on the sidewalk in front of everyone?
Me: Wha?!?
Brain: You remember, it was a nice day around lunch and you were wearing black platform heels to climb mountains?

Me: Oh My God, why would you bring this back to me? Really, black platform heels?
Brain: Heehee, remember when that car actually pulled over to make sure you were ok since a crowd gathered around your sprawled body?
Me: No, I have no memories of that. *puts hands over ears* let's talk about something else.
Brain: But what about our trip down memory lane?
Me: I'm going to go home to sit in a dark room. Thanks Brain.

Please internet friends, reassure me that I'm not the
only crazy person around who randomly remembers my most embarrassing moments? And it's never really related to what's going on around me. The other day while sweeping the kitchen floor I remembered a time during my catering days when a dinner I was in charge of was late and the guests were all standing in a long line waiting for the food.

Why brain why? Why do I never remember the good hair days or the sunshine picnics when unicorns jumped over rainbows? Ah yes, the crazy. Never letting me down for 27 years.

P.S. Hi new people the beautiful Janet sent over! It is sad but true and also embarrassing. The Red Power Ranger (Jason, to his friends) was one of my childhood crushes.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Gimme More

When I find something I like I go a little crazy. Whether it's a person, a place, a TV show or especially food. Obviously I have some impulse issues. Sometimes my obsessions can be helpful. Like when I met Captain Awesome and I wanted to be around him all the time and eventually tricked him into marrying me. Or like when I got into going to the gym. I threw myself into it and went 5 to 6 times a week. Sometimes it doesn't affect things like when I started watching Girl's Next Door and TiVo'd every episode and was online "researching" the show.

And then there's food. I like a lot of variety in my diet but I easily get into ruts. Like the time I bought several pounds of cherries and ate them in one afternoon, by myself. Needless to say I was a tad uncomfortable that evening and did a tiny bit of whining and complaining (read: a, more than that). Captain Awesome has encouraged me to not buy quite so many cherries at one time. After my first delectable bite of Tandorri chicken I was hooked. I begged Captain to eat Indian many times per week and may have pouted a little when he forced me to eat something else.

So this weekend watermelon was 39 cents per pound at the store. (Can you see where this is going?) I got a watermelon "filet" (seriously, it's called a filet! I think because it's a big piece of watermelon with the rind cut off. The name alone sold me). I got home, cut it up and put it in a large tupperware container so I could eat it throughout the week. But I had some time before I was supposed to meet some friends so I ate a little bit. And when I got home I had a little more. And I had it for breakfast on Sunday. And as my mid-morning snack, and for lunch. And.....
Do I need to go on? I had eaten it all in two days. But I still want more. Excuse me, I have to go somewhere.