Monday, March 31, 2008

Feasting Weekend

Hello darling blog-world! I woke up this morning and realized, Wow! I'm leaving for NC on Wednesday...of this two days! How did this happen? especially since I talked to Captain Awesome twice this weekend about things he wanted me to bring down? Here's what my brain had been thinking; my flight is for April 2nd. It's now March. So logically I won't be leaving for a month. Ta-Da! (Now you get an idea of what Captain Awesome lives with every day. Isn't he lucky?) (Also, while editing this post I realized I typed "thinkin" because I'm a hillbilly.) I am usually pretty organized when it comes to packing. I write out a list of things to pack in the suitcase, things to carry on and things to do. I've already discussed my clean house before I leave for vacation problem. I don't feel too stressed right now since I'm in the wedding I have an outfit for that. Plus rehearsal dinner and then it's just look pretty clothes. It will be warm in NC so I don't need my usual 1 million sweaters, socks, hat, etc crap that takes up space. I'm carrying on my bridesmaid's dress and the Captain's suit to make sure there's no last minute crisis's.

As I mentioned before I've been watching my calories and working out in order to be pretty for my sister's wedding. So naturally this weekend I ate everything fried, sugary or high in calories I laid my eyes on. Friday I had a doughnut for breakfast and then mac and cheese for dinner (plus lunch but it was semi-healthy). Then a friend called and wanted to go out and who was I to refuse? I was tired so I had some vodka red bulls and then switched to light beer. As we were driving home we passed a Steak n Shake which is open 24 hours! In my slightly tipsy state I decided I needed onion rings and a big chocolate milkshake. And it was delicious! Then I went home and crashed.

Saturday I was a total slug and watched TV for most of the morning (ok, really until about 1pm) and snacking on dried apricots and dark chocolate. A friend called to see if I wanted to go hiking but my lazy ass and tired legs declined for me. Plus we had an open house on Sunday and I needed to pretty up the house (ie
mopping the basement floor (yuck) and cleaning bathrooms (even worse) and vacuuming up cat hair tumbleweeds (ew)). After about 2 hours of cleaning I had just enough time to shower, change clothes 100 times and meet the book club for a super yummy dinner. We went here which was amazing. I ate split pea and crab dip, yummy wine, the tenderest pork belly I've ever had with lentils and walnuts and then cake. Plus we all tasted each other's dishes. My pork was incredible but I also loved the scallops. They have a Duck Sloppy Joe that Captain Awesome would have loved.

Sunday I got up early (for me, on a Sunday-about 9) and did last minute cleaning and getting ready. The open house was from 12-2 so I took my laptop to Starbucks (I know, so yuppie of me). I had a grande chai latte (Mmmm) and then went to the gym.
*Quick note about the gym, I love my facility but I am still not in love with the actual working out part. I have to be distracted by TV or music so I don't quit after 5 minutes because boo, tired and sweating and bored. There was only TWO elliptical machines with TV's working and they were both in use. I seriously almost went home. I "ran" on a treadmill until one of the machines became available. God, Starbucks and a gym complaint? I am starting to hate myself at this point.*

I came home and got changed and then was reading on my bed for a while. About 6pm I fed the cats and went downstairs. I went to the bathroom and had pain. I started to get pissed (no pun intended) about possibly getting a UTI right before the wedding and this better not be any flu or crap like that. And how was I going to fit in a Dr. appointment before I left and maybe they could just call some antibiotics in for me, etc. And then I realized I had not eaten anything except my latte that day. People, this is huge for me. I'm not the type of person to miss meals, EVER. I eat three plus times per day. I hear other people talk about how they just forgot to eat all day and I think, HOW??? The pain I had was my stomach eating itself alive. And it wanted Penn Station sausage and pepper sandwich and fries. I got home and promptly ate it in about 5 seconds.

The rest of the night included moaning on the coach how much my stomach hurt and eating Tums and lots of pretty lady-like burping. Because I'm Klassy like that.

Friday, March 28, 2008

What day is it again?

Happy Wednesday! What? It's freaking Friday? Damn it. I mean yay weekend and everything but where is my time going? Before I started this blog I read a lot and thought about stuff I could write about every day. And now, I got nothing. Partly because I'm a lazy ass who would rather watch L&O SVU instead of reaching all the way over to the other couch cushion and making my little fingers get all type-y.

I'll start first with some lame excuses. I have had a crazy couple days at work that involved not sitting down for two days while I ran around setting up meeting after meeting. And I'm getting excited about my sister's wedding and I've been doing prep stuff like getting my dress altered and going to the gym because I WILL lose 20 pounds in the next week. I met with my realtor Tuesday to discuss selling the house and I was emotionally drained after that. Plus the Captain is having a hard time and I worry about him.

And now on with the lame post. There is a guy I work with we'll call the Recycling Nazi or RN. Before you send hate mail or forward me emails please realize I do recycle and believe in Reduce, Reuse, Recycle and global warming, etc. The RN takes the good act of recycling and makes it a punishment. Our company works toward being "green" but we're not perfect. We recycle cans, glass and plastic bottles. We also recycle white paper. The RN makes his team bring all other recyclable materials to his admin so that SHE can drive them to the recycling center once a week. She does not want to collect trash in her office and drive it in her car but he is such a baby she does it to shut him up. I have worked hard to make sure recycling bins are directly beside trash cans at my meetings so when people leave they can throw their plastic bottles into the bins instead of trashing them. This morning he came to me complaining because he looked in the trash can and someone had thrown away a plastic bottle. Seriously? I almost laughed in his face. I do not have the time or inclination to stand by all trash cans when people leave and throw by body at them if they try to throw a freaking aluminum can in the trash. And I'm certainly not picking through 1/2 drunk cups of coffee and danish crumbs to get the recyclables out.

Like I said, I agree that recycling is the right thing to do and we should encourage it. If the RN wants to save his trash and recycle it, more power to him. But when he starts creating more work or problems for me, he crosses the line between good citizen of the earth and asshat.

Now back to Jon & Kate plus 8 and 1/2 price Easter candy.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I am NOT Pregnant

I've been thinking about this post since Wednesday night. I do blog anonmously but I try to follow the mantra to never write something on the blog I wouldn't say to someone's face.

I have always wanted kids. I had three younger siblings that I was a second mother to. When Captain Awesome and I were getting serious I made sure we talked about our feelings on the subject. At one point in our marriage he mentioned that he may not want to have kids and it caused me a big dilema since I could not agree or compromise with that. We have discussed it further and made our decisions.

This weekend made me question my resolve.

Some family members visited me with children (all girls) this weekend. After one day I was annoyed and stressed. With the Captain gone I've gotten used to my routine and the peacefulness of my house. Even when he was here we had quiet evenings and Sundays where we read or messed around on the computer. I like that my house is a haven where I can relax and unwind after a crazy day. The kids were loud and crazy and emotional and I was drained. I love my schedule and I become a not so nice person when I am forced to conform to someone else's life. I know I'm selfish. And then it hit me, that is what being a parent is all about. Am I ready for that? If I'm honest with myself I just don't know.

I think it must be different when they're your own children but is it different enough? I like the kids that were here but I don't think I "love" them. That love between parents and children has to bridge some of the gap. Also, I see these kids once or twice a year for a couple days. By the time we're getting used to each other being around the visit is over. So being with my child every day will allow me to adjust my attitude, right? But that's just everyday stuff. What about tantrums and illness and *shudder* puberty. How will I handle that? I'm officially freaked out by the whole experience. I love reading so called "mommy blogs" and hearing stories about other people's kids. But I don't know if I have it in me to become a graceful, funny, flexible person responsible for someone else's life.

I don't know the answers to any of these questions. I still feel strongly that having kids is extremely important to me but I think I'm looking at the situation with the eyes of an adult instead of a little girl pretending her dolls are her babies.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Fit or Fat

I weighed in for unofficial Weight Watchers today and, drum roll please.....I've lost 10 pounds since starting all this madness mid January. Turns out "the experts" are right. Eat less, exercise more does really work. The amazing hilarious writer blogger Jen Lancaster is holding a contest where her readers have to tell a weight loss story. First of all, stop reading my little puny blog and click on that link RIGHT NOW. She is fantastic and will make you laugh until you spit water and then laugh some more. Her third book is coming out and you must buy it! Don't forget to come back!

Are you done wiping the Coke from your keyboards? OK, back to me. I have been reading some of the submissions and they are absolutely ripping my heart out. (Notice I have not submitted because I am a huge wuss and would never have the guts to comment on her site.) The whole issue of weight loss, perfection, acceptance, body image and everything else is so personal and crazy. I have been working hard to lose weight so that I would feel better about myself. Period. I am so incredibly lucky that no one in my life has ever said anything to me about my weight, ever. Captain Awesome met me when I was in college and basically hiked around mountains and had a great ass. Unfortunately after I got a desk job I also got cellulite. Sexy! He has put up with my whining about wanting to lose weight, complaining, buying too many clothes and then more whining and some extra complaining. He always tells me that I look the same to him no matter what I weigh. That may not be the most romantic idea but I get a lot of happiness and security knowing that my outward appearance is not what he loves most about me.

I also am sick about all the stories where parents (mostly mothers) have put 8 or 9 year-olds on diets. In this day of childhood obesity I think parents should encourage healthy eating and exercise but telling your pre-teen daughter or son they are so unacceptable they need a diet makes me angry. If they really are unhealthy then as a parent maybe you need to re-examine the foods you are offering them. If you just think they're "chunky" you obviously have some internal issues you need to resolve before setting your child on the road to a lifetime of stress. My mother is skinny. She's beautiful and curvy but the woman has not an ounce of fat on her and she's had four children. Growing up we never talked about weight in our family. My parents sacrificed so that my mom could stay home with us. She packed our lunches with a sandwich, fruit, veggie and dessert every day for school. (Yes, even in high school, I was a spoiled brat I know). At dinner we had salad, entree (meatless 2 days a week), starch and dessert (fruit with whipped cream in the summer). We had to try everything on our plates but we were never forced to finish. She taught us portion control and that balanced meals are better. Due to genes and good parenting my younger sister, L and my brother and I were all pretty scrawny kids. L and my brother are still skinny and amazing. My youngest sister, A, was a little heavier but not dangerously so. She got taller and became an amazing, confident woman with a kick ass bod. My dad quit smoking (yay dad) and gained weight. He now works out three days a week and has lost tons of weight. For all of our different body sizes we just didn't talk about weight, good or bad. It was a non-issue in my family. We knew we had to eat healthy foods because of heart disease but not to be "prettier". I had friends whose mothers obsessed about their weight and guess what? their daughters learned to obsess too. My mom was (and is) a great believer in the healing power of chocolate milkshakes so when any of us were having a bad day we piled into the car and went to get small shakes. In my house food did not equal bad.

It wasn't until I got to college that I learned that skinny=pretty=better. Because I did lots of drinking and did not eat healthy meals I gained weight. I also was very active and slept through many meals so I lost weight. I wasn't the skinniest or the fattest girl so I was ok with it.

And then I got a job. Lots of sitting plus available rich and tasty food was not good for my body. But here's where I got stuck. My mom had never seemed to work at losing weight and I had NO idea how to make this go away. I tried not eating but I got really crabby and headachy and hungry. I just kept buying bigger clothes. Then I switched jobs and got super busy and missed meals and fit back into my smaller clothes. Then I switched jobs and got incredibly stressed so that I was nauseated all day, missed lunch and worked through lunch and dinner on Saturdays. I got to buy even smaller clothes. Yay me! But wait, I still had not learned anything about keeping my body healthy.

When we moved to Ohio I was buying size 6's. I was bored and lonely and we ate out a lot. I didn't do anything active. I was soon wearing 10-12's again. I was miserable. Captain Awesome didn't complain. My family never said anything. I just felt sluggish and yuck. I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. When Captain Awesome moved to NC at the beginning of the year I decided to lose some weight. I had heard good things about South Beach, I considered diet pills, I thought about fasting or cleanses and then I realized, these would not work for me again. Maybe in the short term I would lose weight but I would gain it all back and again have learned nothing. (For the record, I never considered Atkins-all that meat makes my stomach turn and any diet where I can't eat an orange just doesn't make sense to me).

My first week at the gym I weighed 150 pounds. Not terrible but at 5'2" it was not a good weight for me. I did research to find out what a healthy weight is for someone of my height and age. I did research to look at healthy nutritious meal options. I swallowed my pride put on a pair of sneakers and sweated my ass off in front of strangers. The first week I lost a pound. I celebrated. Slowly but surely it has been coming off. I have set backs and days when I crave Burger King. I allow myself the chicken sandwich and fries and then go to the gym. I learned what I like on salads (turned out carrots and spray dressing-balsamic vinaigrette) and make them at home. I have cereal if I'm not hungry for a full meal and then have a piece of chocolate cake.

Don't get me wrong, I am super proud of the ten pounds. But I'm prouder of the fact that I have gained knowledge. I'm prouder that I don't think of food as the enemy or eating dessert as "being bad". I'm finding the energetic me who is happy with herself, hips, boobs and all. Good luck to everyone trying to lose weight. It's hard and requires some growing up no one wants to do. Figure out why you want to do this and then aim high. You can do it!
End of extra cheeseyness-but I seriously do believe everything I wrote in this post.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Loony Lister

I love making lists. I am a natural planner and worrier so lists are a great way for me to plan and get things off my mind. If I don't write stuff down then I will stew and get anxious. Thoughts will swirl around (especially at night) until they eventually overwhelm me. Writting things down puts things in perspective.

My entire family are listmakers. Some of my earliest memories are my entire family sitting around the kitchen table making packing lists for vacations or chore lists for the weekends. My sister, L, is getting married and while I've been making packing/chore lists she's been making "To Do" lists and my mom has been making more lists. It's a sickness, I know.

Last week I created a calendar and wrote in all the stuff I want to get done before I leave town for the wedding. Saturday I got LOTS of crap done. Here's my list for Saturday:
Meet with Accountant-check!
Go to Library-check!
Clean house-Check (ish) I straightened but not scrubbing
Pick Up Perscription-Check!
Hair Trimmed-Check!

Also I met with some friends and had some drinks in North Side Saturday night. Yay Me!

And then today I slept late and sat on the couch watching a marathon of What Not To Wear and eating lots of crap including my new favorite snack ever dark chocolate dipped dried apricots. Which was not on my list. Oh screw the list today.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Post Where I Avoid the Real Issues

This week has been rough at Chez C. The strain of being apart from Captain Awesome is starting to get me down plus money stuff, house stuff, job stuff blah blah blah. Basically it culminated in a big melt down Tuesday night. I have a confession, Hi my name is C and I am a crier. At sad movies, at songs (the first time I heard Sarabeth by Rascal Flatts I was sobbing), when I'm happy but I cry the most when I'm angry/frustrated. It's one of the few ways I allow bad feelings to be expressed. My repression of anger/sadness can be saved for a whole nother post. I actually like the release and I always feel amazing afterwards. Like this is the saddest I can be, there's nowhere to go but up. Although outlook is better I will never be described as a pretty crier. Unless you think red face, swollen eyes and dripping snot are pretty. So long, gross story short, I cried, I talked to Captain Awesome, I feel better. Nothing has actually been fixed but talking it out with my best friend plus a little emotional purge helped.

Why I really wrote this post is to mentally smack everyone who did not force me to watch my new favorite show America's Next Top Model. This is not a Captain Awesome show and we just got DVR and I taped (recorded, saved, whatever-you know what I mean) the last few episodes and I am officially hooked. I totally called the last two eliminations and I heart the drama. I'm kind of over Tyra since she tries SO hard but she's only in the last few minutes so I can survive. So yeah, loving this show.

Now back to more avoidance techniques, la la la. Look a pretty pony!

Monday, March 10, 2008

A Little Advice from a Friend

Gather round kids while I drop some pearls of wisdom on ya.

If there is any question that yogurt may be spoiled just throw it out. Don't smell it (with a stuffed up nose) then pop a spoonful into your mouth. It will taste like musty sour cream and you will get food poisoning causing you to puke yogurt and grapes into your office trashcan.

So I've heard....from a friend....yeah.

Rock on kiddies while I eat some delicious crackers!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Snowday on a Saturday? What a Gyp!

I really need to post but I just haven't been inspired. I could write another boring "Here's my day" post or list some things in my purse but it's been done before by people way funnier than me.

Yesterday we got hit by a big blizzard. I know many of you have had snow all winter but in Cincinnati we've only had a few days of 1-2". It started snowing at 8:00 am and just kept going. We had a lot of events planned so I was expecting a busy and somewhat crappy day. We got the announcement about 11:30. The office was closing at noon! Everyone was freaking out like kids on a snow day. Laughing and making jokes people were rushing through their work so they could leave. We had 4 lunches scheduled and one of them was cancelled. Two more called and since it was too late to cancel asked us to pack up the lunches individually so the team could take them home. I left about 12:30, yay! I stopped at the gym and did a quick workout. **The guy in front of my on a bike was watching TV with his headphones. I guess he was watching something funny and was hysterical laughing out loud. I could hear him with my headphones on and he cracked me up. I had to keep pretending I was coughing so the person beside me wouldn't think I was a freak and laughing to myself.**

I spend the rest of the day watching my new favorite channel Investigation Discovery. It has lots of great shows about crime and detectives. I also watched Holmes on Homes. This guy Mike Holmes (who I have a mini crush on) comes in to help people who have been scammed by shady contractors. He fixes the mistakes and makes the house better than before. I <3 this show and sadly watched 3 hours of it. Through all this, it was still snowing really hard.
I kept checking outside and it was coming down.

So this morning I woke up to 10-12" covering everything. It was so quiet and peaceful I decided to stay in bed for a while. The cats snuggled around me with the boys on either side of me and my princess on my chest purring loudly. Next thing I know I am waking up at 11:30! My body loves routine so I try to keep my weekday hours during the weekend so I NEVER sleep that late. I played some computer games and watched some more TV.

Finally I decided I needed to shovel out the driveway. I borrowed a shovel from my neighbors and got started. Please keep in mind I'm from NC. We don't get much snow and never enough to shovel. I've seen snow before at my grandparents but they have a lot of land and have a plow on their tractor. I've never shoveled snow before. Holy crap. That is freaking hard work. Aparently my driveway is a million miles long. I started at 3:45 and didn't finish until 6:oo. That's over TWO HOURS of shoveling. Let me repeat TWO.HOURS. I started in long johns, ski pants, long sleeved tee, ski jacket, gloves and a hat. I got hot and took my gloves off. It turns out maybe that was a terrible idea. I now have two blisters on my hands.

I had seen people shoveling yesterday and could not figure this out. It was snowing and we were supposed to get a lot more. Why shovel now? Yeah, I'm an idiot. Turns out it's easier to shovel a few inches two or three times than 10" at once. I am also aparently the slowest shoveler in the world. I was about halfway done and the kid across the street came out. It seemed like he was out there about 10 minutes and was done. To make myself feel better I pretended he did a crap job but I walked by later and it was totally clear. What a jerk. He made me lose the gold medal in shoveling. I'm going by later tonight to throw water on his steps. Ha ha, shovel that kid.

So as a reward I got myself Burger King and I'm sitting on the couch with a heating pad on my aching old lady back. My house is still a mess and I need to salt the driveway to finish the job but for now, it's time to relax.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Some Reasons Why Today Sucks

Things are not all smiles at the Inner Monologue today. Lists, blah, whatever...
1. One of my cats has began a new ritual of howling and scratching the wall by my bed EXACTLY one hour before my alarm is set to go off. It's like he watches me set the alarm and starts plotting the evil.
2. He is not hurt, just bored and possibly very stupid. The minute I sit up in bed to yell, spray him with water, throw a pillow he looks over at me like "oh, there you are" and cuddles up purring beside me. I am convinced he is an ass.
3. It's raining and gray and cold. Yesterday was sunny and warm. WTF Mother Nature?
4. Because of the constant 12 hours of rain I have water dripping into my basement. Of the house we're trying to sell. Awesome. So I spent part of my morning throwing (literally) rags near the walls to try to stop the drips.
5. This is the first week I have faithfully stuck to my Weight Watchers points. And I went to the gym 4 days. So naturally I gain weight for the first time in a month and a half. And not just some weight, the exact amount that I lost last week.
6. I work in a job where I deal with food. I always offer the leftovers to other people in the company after the meeting is over. I am going to stab the next person who asks "are these leftovers?" when they clearly aren't. "You mean this cheesecake, on a full tray of cheesecake, on a cart filled with clearly untouched food, at 10:30 AM? Oh yeah, this is leftover!" Asshats.

Seriously people, it's not even noon yet and 6 things have made me want to run my car off a bridge. I promise tomorrow I'll be all sunshine and rainbows again. For right now, hide the stabbing tools and let me sit quietly muttering to myself. It's that kind of day.

Monday, March 3, 2008

See This Movie

I had a very lazy weekend and got caught up on several movies I had DVR'd off the Independent Film Channel. I am not all black turtlenecks and clove cigarette pretentious but they do have some amazing movies on that channel!
First I saw Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. I have not seen Twin Peaks but it seemed cool and this seemed like a great way to get into it.....or not. This is supposed to explain some of the cliffhangers from the show and give more back story. I was COMPLETELY confused the entire time. It was scary and violent and I kind of hated it. But it did make me want to see some of the show to compare to the movie.
Second I saw The Bridge, a documentary by Eric Steel. This was amazing. I was blown away by the camera work, soundtrack and subject matter. It's basically about people who commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. They interview people left behind and while it's sad it's also very beautiful and touching. It doesn't sugar coat the subject but doesn't glamorize it either. Apparently when it came out it was very controversial because they actually taped people trying or actually jumping. While it was sad I wasn't shocked by it. Add it to your Netflix queue and see what you think.
*While I was writing an ending all I could think of was Reading Rainbow when the kids reviewed the books. They always said "But you don't have to take my word for it" at the end of the reviews which totally fits here but Reading Rainbow and suicide don't seem to mix. Also, I totally wanted to be one of those review kids. I was such a nerd (ok, I still am).

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Part II of Vacation Extravaganza!

When we last left our heroine she was in NC visiting family....
Sunday-We got to sleep in while my parents were at church. I know, shocking and scandalous. We were meeting my brother, J, my sister, L and her fiance, C for brunch to celebrate Cap't Awesome's birthday. The first place we went (a chain) the wait was over an hour for the 8 of us. We went to a non-chain down the road and they sat us right now. The food was amazing and we had fun. The moral of that story is, the chain restaurants may be popular but if you look around you will find a nice independent restaurant that's even better. Cap't Awesome does not really like cake so A and I made him brownies with peanut butter cups baked right in. We had those and he opened presents. Then we went to see L and C's new house! It was beautiful and they have already put a lot of work into it.
Then we packed up, jumped in the car and drove 2 hours to our future home (and home of the Captain's parents). We had a birthday dinner and then home to bed. Yes, I was stuffed but proud of myself because at an Italian restaurant I had no bread and a yummy salad with scallops....and two glasses of wine.
Monday-I was proud of us, we got a lot accomplished. We saw a house we may possibly live in, met Dad Awesome at his new work, went and saw Mom Awesome and she got to show off her kids. My MIL is the absolute best. She treats me like her own child and always includes me in the family. She also is short with red hair which can sometimes be confusing when she introduces us as her daughter and son. People think she's my mom and then we have to explain blah blah blah. I'm not complaining at all but it does make introductions longer. **Another aside-I had no problem calling my in-laws Mom and Dad right away. It was weirder before we got married since I couldn't call them Mrs. Awesome but using first names seemed too casual. I usually ended up avoiding using names at all costs, pointing or the super klassy "you".**
We had lunch at my favorite fast food place, Bojangles. It's only in the south but it is amazing. They have sweet tea that will keep you going for hours. And the chicken, and biscuits....yum. We had also planned to go to a gym and see about a membership and go to the cell phone store to fix some problems but ended up going home and taking a nap.
Tuesday-My flight left around 3 so I had to be at the airport at 1. Captain decided to take another day off work so we could spend the morning together. We slept late and relaxed, then met his grandparents for lunch. I was so sad to be leaving but it motivated me to get back up here so I could wrap everything up that has to be done before I move down permanently. My flight was delayed and the airport was freezing but I made it home. My plane landed to spitting sleet and snow on the ground. Welcome back to Cincinnati!