A Little Bit of Nothing

I really wanted to write all last week but I could find a good time to sit down and actually be creative and amusing or even just not boring. I wrote about 14 drafts about my work nemesis who I really dislike (maybe even hate) but it came across as all mean and crabby instead of funny. Also I think he has a slight, miniscule menatal disability and I felt too bad about writing a stupid blog post.

SO, you get a list of all the stuff that's rattling around in my mind. On to the bullet points!!

• There are very few Starbucks in Wilmington because right before the Starbucks craze a smart business person started Port City Java which is like Starbucks but locally owned. BUT neither of these fine establishments are anywhere near my work out in the middle of nowhere. I curse not being able to run quickly to get my pumpkin latte. But I think my ass and my wallet and silently glad. Today I shut those bastards up by getting the sickly sweet gas station "cappochino".
• I mentioned how unhappy I was with my last haircut and last night I tried somewhere new. I loved the stylist (a "straight" guy) and was happy how he made intelligent suggestions without forcing anything on me. I love the haircut but he cut me some wispy bangs along with my side swept bangs that I don't know about. Also, at the ripe old age of 28 I am pulling more gray hairs than I care to think about. The next person who tells me that redheads don't go gray is getting a kick in the neck.
• Three cheers for Fall TV. Blah blah blah going to the beach, spending time gazing into the Captain's eyes, enjoying nature. Bring on Ugly Betty and the Gossip Girl!
• I applied with a temp agency since my "temporary" job I took to get me through the summer is slowly sucking the life out of me. Now I'm trying to figure out when to give notice so I have minimum "no job" time.
• I'm hosting a surprise anniversary party for my in-laws in October. The house is no where near ready to have 40 people over. I'm slightly freaking out but also reveling in the pressure of a deadline. My list of "must do's" is getting longer and the Captain is getting scared by my casual mention of replacing the countertops and painting every room in the house.
• We're going to a wedding in Raleigh this weekend. My in-laws are also going to this wedding. I feel like all weekend I'm going to be pulled between my parents, the in-laws, friends and other obligations. Awesome.
• Also at this wedding will be two new babies. I am SO happy for the parents and waiting to have a baby was the smart decision based on our financial situation but I still feel a little sick about it.
• I'm finally starting to meet people in Wilmington and have joined a couple "Girls Night Out" groups. We're having dinner on Thursday and in two weeks we're going to see an 80's cover band! Woo Hoo!
• IT'S FALL!!!!! Good-bye sweating during my walk from the house to my car, good-bye having to blind people with the whiteness of my legs. Hello pumpkin everything! Hello sweaters! Hello red and gold leaves! Hello cool breezes!

Emergency

If you've been reading this site for more than a week you know I'm a crazy cat lady. I don't have kids but my kitties are our babies. There were 4 kids in my family so our pets were low key like fish, lizards, hamsters, etc. My mom had enough to deal with and we all have allergies. I didn't discover my love for cats until I was married and The Captain talked me into getting just one. Three cats later I'm hooked.

On Thursday night I noticed my youngest cat (who is usually bouncing off the walls) was pretty lethargic but I didn't really do anything about it. On Friday he didn't meet me at the door and I found him nestled in my sweatshirts on the top shelf of the closet. He didn't eat much Friday. Saturday we were keeping an eye on him but he didn't move from one spot all day. We decided to take him to the emergency vet Saturday night after two days of not eating. Also, he looked weird, if that makes sense.

The Captain was really calm and awesome. He held Zingo in the car, for 45 minutes in the waiting room and then once we finally got to see the doctor. Anyone with cats knows they do not like being held for too long so that was just another confirmation he was sick. The Captain started to get pissed when several dogs were admitted before us. One had a broken leg and one had a bloody ear so we understood they needed to be seen first, but it was still frustrating.

Finally we saw the Doctor and he gave the usual "it could be a virus or he could be dying, it will be 1 million dollars to find out." So we waited some more while we heard Zingo crying while blood was taken and FREAK OUT during the x-ray. After we signed away our first child we got the results of "hmm" They decided he didn't have a UTI which is apparently common for male cats (and fatal). So they tried to give him some fluids since he was dehydrated.

One bite on the hand for a vet tech, one bite on the shoulder for me and no fluids later they sent us home with some antibiotics and a syringe to force feed him water.

I don't know if the virus ran it's course or the antibiotics helped but he is back to his usual chasing, crazy self. And I look like I've been bitten by a very tiny vampire.

Not Making the Connection

For the last couple days I've had an actual stomach ache. I'm trying to think back to the last time I had a real stomach ache and all I can think of is maybe after gorging myself last Christmas? I mean I get the monthly "scraping of the uterus" pain. I had plenty of the "too much gin/vodka/substitute whatever" sickness but that's not really pain, more just nausea. *Wow this is a classy post* And then there's the intestinal pain that I'm sure other people get but not me, because ladies never have that. Stop laughing Captain Awesome.

But the ache, it just kind of sucks and makes me sit funny. And wear more elastic waist shorts than are ever necessary. I cooked on Wednesday night so I assumed I had somehow managed to poison myself. But last night we had safe boring Turkey Tacos so I've ruled that out. I did cook those but they're so fool proof there's no way to taint them. I haven't had much dairy and I've been drinking water so I'm kind of stumped.

Today my boss decided that he was having hot dogs for lunch and that he would treat the whole office (the other 3 of us) to hot dogs, onion rings, etc. I love hot dogs and I never turn down onion rings so 30 minutes later I was munching on a chili dog with cheese. I think I may have solved the mystery.

Of course it won't stop me from going to the bar tonight. Maybe if I drink lots of beer I can cleanse my system? Of get drunk enough to not notice. Either way, I'll feel better.

Maybe Cheap Clothes ARE the Answer

Although you'd never know it by my bank balance, I am pretty stingy about spending money on clothes. I spend days drooling over magazines and then try to recreate the looks at Target, TJ Maxx, and Old Navy. Quick Aside, the "Flirt" jean is now my new favorite of all time. Seriously I have never had a jean that fits my odd ass-size to leg-length ratio. I have also been known to by jeans at Steve and Barrys and shirts at Charlotte Russe. I know these clothes will fall apart after one season and that will allow me to buy more $2 shirts. Yay!

One of the other mysteries of cheap clothes is that the pants (jeans and "biznass" pants alike) will stretch after a few wearings and (mostly) snap back after washing. I think I'm normal and wear jeans a couple times before washing them-please don't think I'm gross. Also, let me clarify "cheap". I mean inexpensive, not trashy looking....except for some of the Charlotte Russe shirts. They are cheap in all sense of the word.

During my constant but not very serious quest to keep my weight to reasonable numbers (aka a pretend number/size I made up in my head) I try to avoid constantly weighing myself since it leads me to a downward spiral that can only be fixed by cake or ice cream or cake AND ice cream. So to help keep me on track I mostly judge my weight by how my clothes fit. Are you seeing how this random paragraph ties in? Hopefully?

So day one after cheap pants are washed they fit well and maybe a little bit snug but no pulling or anything. I do the old jean stretching exercises and am fine. Second wearing, "wow these are loose, I must be loosing some weight, but they still look good". Third wearing, "hmm, these are getting kind of baggy, have I lost an entire size this week?"

See how easily I can live in denial and fool myself? I know I bought cheap clothes and I know they stretch. But the stretching helps me delude myself into thinking I'm losing weight so everyone's happy.

Seriously Brain?

Part of my job is to write the date. I write it easily 100 times a day. Nothing fancy just month/day/year. So it's a max of 6 numbers on any given day. I also have three calendars in my line of sight.
Mondays I usually can plan on not knowing the day for the first couple times. When the month changes it takes me a day to remember. September started 9 days ago and I STILL am writing 8 on everything. Come on brain. Catch up. This happens 12 times a year, every year for my entire 28 years on this planet. How does it manage to surprise me every time.
Today I'm about to give up all together. I just realized that for over 1/2 the day I have written 2006 on everything. Yes, I have gone back in time 2 years. I am an idiot.

Survivors

Yes, we survived the "Storm of the Century" aka Tropical Storm Hanna. I was up most of the night because I'm a worrier and I knew the Captain would not wake up if a tree fell through our roof. Also, I sleep closest to the window and I wanted to avoid flying glass/debris.

And then nothing happened. It rained, it was windy, the cat freaked out, I walked around the dark house and watched trees blowing. The end.

One of my least favorite features of our house is the massive yard. We live on a corner so all our neighbors can see our entire yard. I am not a fan of yard work and the Captain hates it more than me. It's a huge pain since I have to force myself to care and then nag the Captain until he helps me. So when I woke up Saturday morning and saw branches, pinecones and leaves covering our one million acre yard I was less than thrilled. I had kind of psyched myself up for a lazy, rainy weekend. My plan did not include raking and picking up sticks in the humidity.

Saturday I was a complete bum and did nothing. Sunday I finally got off my lazy ass and went to the yard. It was so hot and daunting. The Captain and I worked about an hour until I started feeling sick it was so hot. I still have about 1/2 the yard to do and I'm thinking about waiting until it gets dark to even try it. Do you think the neighbors would think it was odd if they saw me picking up pinecones with a flashlight after midnight?

Tentative Sigh of Relief

I made it a whole long weekend without breaking down. I actually feel happy again and I'm starting to feel a little more settled in Wilmington. The thought of the Captain leaving for the weekend doesn't make my chest tighten up, instead I started thinking about what projects I could work on while he was away. I consider that progress.

The weird thing that I never noticed while in the depths of my black pit was that I had no music in my head. Almost all the time there is some song or jingle or whatever rattling around in my mind while I get ready in the morning or make copies in my office. And that soundtrack was gone for a while. I wake up with music in my head now. I consider that progress.

We had company coming for a couple days of the weekend and I managed to clean the house without feeling overwhelmed. We went to dinner and I had an appetite. I was able to socialize and play games without wanting to run to my room and close the door until they left. I consider that progress.

My sister-in-law had a mini boyfriend crises and her parents were out of town so we went over and sat with her while she cried and worried about what to do. I wasn't focused on me and (I think) helped a little. Then my in-laws came home and we had a family dinner where I didn't want to run away. I consider that progress.

Little by little the things that overwhelmed me are starting to feel less, well, overwhelming. I can handle them and even look forward. The Captain has been amazing and has been shielding me and allowing me outs to all "social" stuff we've been doing if it gets too much. But I think I'm ready to try again.