Finally!

Captain Awesome and I had a long talk last week. We weighed everything out, pros and cons, and decided that is was no longer worth it for me to stay in Cincinnati. After looking at a calendar we decided that I will move down to NC the week before Memorial day. I'm super excited for our little family to be reunited. Luckily, the Captain's job is paying for movers to pack all our stuff and get it to NC. We will be renting a house in NC so the movers can take things directly from here to there and we won't need to store anything. So, Yay!

I've been alternating between happiness and oh my god I'm moving across the country in a month. I feel like I've got things under control but then I think of fifty million more things I need to do before the move. Of course the Captain is doing what he can and getting the house set up down there which is very helpful. And the fact that I don't have to pack or lift anything makes me smiley. I have a notebook full of lists and made a calendar of when I should do different things like canceling utilites and forwarding the mail. There is also a list of what is going in the car with me including 3 cats and 2 litter boxes. Yet I'm still feeling anxious.

My parents have volunteered to come up and help. Also, the Captain has talked about flying up. But it just doesn't make sense considering how high gas prices (and airfare) are getting. When we moved to Cincy, Captain was up here about a month before me so I coordinated the move and everything was fine so in my brain I know I can do it with a minimum of fuss. But still.... It's nice to have someone there just in case. Someone to help with the disgusting cleaning that has to be done after all the furniture is moved out. Someone to help wrangle the cats into their crates and talk over their complaining. Someone to ride with me and get gas on the 12 hour drive. Instead I'll have to trick my friends and maybe some relatives to come help me. Then pop in a book on CD and just go for it.

I swear I did not plan for this to be a pity party. I've reached my whining limit for the month and I'm not really upset or sad about any of this. I feel like a kid waiting for my birthday and moving day just can't come fast enough. Patience has never been my strong suit. As soon as I decide to do something I just want to make it happen. I've scheduled lots of activities plus I'll work up until the end so hopefully that will distract me. So count down to moving day begins now, T minus 22 days. NC or Bust!

Nerd Alert

Most of you know by now I am giant nerd. I love the library and love trying new styles and authors. Recently I've been on a culinary kick and been reading biographies of chefs and histories of food. Last time I was wandering the library I noticed a title that jogged my memory. Keeping with my nerdiness theme I listen to NPR probably too much. I heard this author talking about the book and was super interested, then promptly forgot about it. It's not a work of great literature that has a global theme and will teach me about myself.

It's All the Presidents' Pastries by Roland Mesnier. Yes, I am reading a book about desserts in the White House. And the really sad part? I LOVE it. I was up until midnight reading it and brought it to work so I could read more at lunch.

Chef Mesnier was raised poor in France and traveled all over the world learning about desserts. His specialty is spun sugar and he can craft it into any shape. So far he has talked about the Carters and the Reagans but I'm only halfway through. He doesn't talk about politics but more about personalities. I highly recommend it.

And my book club book for Tuesday, is sitting sadly on my night stand where I've abandoned it for red, white and blue sorbets and French pastries.

I Take it All Back

I was re-reading my last post and ended up making myself mad. I fell into the oldest stupidest trap in the book, acting like the dumb girl to get some laughs. While I admit to telling some "dumb blond" jokes in my day I never think watching a woman pretend to be stupid is funny. I make lots of mistakes in every day life but overall, I do a damn good job of it all.

I'm proud of how I've kept myself together for basically four months of living by myself. I've NEVER lived by myself before and the fact that I keep a medium sized house, work 40 hours a week and take care of three cats on my own is awesome. I do yard work (rake leaves, mow grass, trim bushes) and work inside the house. With help I re-caulked the tub. I have to keep the place nice for prospective buyers and I do it! Even though I hate to vacuum I do it once a week. I don't let laundry pile up and I pick up the house every night.

I have been strict about going to the gym and try to make nutritious meals for myself. Although I do eat in front of the TV I eat steamed veggies and Popsicles instead of junk. Ok, some junk but who really counts Cheetos as junk? I feed the cats twice a day and scoop the litter. I keep them and myself on a regular schedule so we're all happier. I run errands, go grocery shopping and return my library books on time.

I have learned a lot about our finances and pay almost all the bills. Captain Awesome sends me money to put into our account but I use most of my paycheck and I write the checks and mail them. I budget eating out and haven't bought new clothes in a while.

I have had my sad moments but have kept my eye on the goal of selling the house and getting settled in NC with Captain Awesome. I try not to let a bad mood ruin my day. I have gotten over my fear of being alone and actually enjoy my weekends when I can read in silence for hours.

There are still lots of unknowns and while they can sometimes be overwhelming I don't let them get to me. I just keep doing what I'm doing and embrace each new challenge as it comes up. I am still in awe of people who figure these lessons out early in life or who are forced to confront their fears. I have so much respect for army wives who go through this every year.

I will not be the "little ol' me" female stereotype anymore or downplay my accomplishments. I rock! Go me!

Reasons I Should Not Live Alone

After almost 5 months of Captain Awesome and I living in separate states I have learned that I cannot handle the responsibility of my own life. Here's a few reasons...

-I sleep through natural disasters. I live in Cincinnati where lots of people felt the earthquake last Friday. I have three cats that love to play and chase each other in the early morning. If they think I'm awake they will dog pile on top of me and cry because even though their food dish is full they need MORE and RIGHT NOW or FIVE MINUTE AGO. Since they have resisted my attempts to teach them to tell time and you just can't reason with them, I pretend to be asleep to trick my cats. (I'm pathetic). When I felt the bed move I assumed that one or more cats had jumped up so I played possum and went back to sleep. Honestly, I'm still not sure if it was the cats or an earthquake. I possibly should add some Diet cat food to my grocery list.

-I forget to buy important stuff on my grocery list. I pass PetSmart every day AND was at the grocery on Sunday and I STILL forgot to buy food for the only other things, besides myself, I am responsible for. Last night I used the last of the cat food and thought "better remember to stop at PetSmart tomorrow night." This morning I looked at the cabinet where the food is kept reminded myself "Get food at PetSmart on the way home today!" Guess what happened. Guess who didn't remember until after she mowed the lawn and was a sweaty beast in shorts and a tank top? Guess who was guilted into going to the Kroger so her poor spoiled, earthquake-like babies didn't miss one meal?

-I hate being alone when I'm sick. I got an awful cold last weekend. Since I'm a drama queen we'll call it the Death Cold. I thought it was allergies but my throat hurt and I had a fever, wah. I was miserable and was forced to call Captain Awesome and try to convince him to drive 14 hours to bring me some orange Gatorade and Ginger Ale, and some soup, and some candy, and a movie. After two days of moaning and no sleep I finally took the Captain's advice and went to a Doc-In-the-Box kind of place. I cried in the waiting room because everyone else had someone with them and then the doctor didn't take my complaint seriously enough. (Actually he was very nice and gave me some awesome drugs but he did not hug me and offer me a cold washcloth for my head and drive me home and pick up my perscriptions at the Kroger which, come on, that seemed like the NICE response to poor pitiful me).

-I can't be trusted with perscription drugs. In my defense I was sick (you have to say it in a sad but very whiny voice). I did not really listen to the pharmacists instructions for the various pills and potions she gave me. I took everything as soon as I got home which was sweet relief. Then I was confused by labels that said take every 12 hours. Should I wake up at 2:30 am to comply with instructions or just start fresh the next day? And when the cough syrup says it may make me drowsy, how drowsy is it? Turns out VERY drowsy and should not be taken after midnight when you have to get to work at 8am the next day. You will be high at work for several hours.

And that brings us to today. I actually did clean the kitchen, weed the front beds and vacuum yesterday. Today I did laundry and mowed the lawn so I have proved that I'm not a total failure as a grown-up. Or maybe I'm just getting better at faking it.

Shaking My Fist at the Sky

I'm sick. It's gross and my throat hurts and I feel like crap. Although I do have the sexy deep voice, that is only a little bit ruined by a hacking cough. Come on over boys! I am a huge baby when I'm sick so I've been lying on the couch eating junk and moaning.

Of course the weather is beautiful and I can see the sun shining on my pile of Kleenexes. I wish I could go outside and mow my jungle-like grass and admire my tulips but for right now I'm going to watch my 1 millionth episode of Law & Order and maybe take another nap.

Does This Look Ok?

Last night at the gym someone asked me this question about their work-out outfit. It was extremely awkward and weird. I (of course) gave the safe, nice answer of "It looks cute" with a lot of smiling and nodding. And then running away.

Everyone has asked that question at least once in their lives. Or there are people who need constant validation and ask their husbands this question every time they leave the house. And after getting the answer "You look nice" follow it up with an even more annoying question, "Just nice?". I would not know anything about these people and Captain Awesome doesn't either, so don't worry about asking him.

In general this is not a bad question to ask. Sometimes you just can't tell if the outfit you put together is a fashion risk or just scary. Sometimes you really can't see your ass in a dressing room mirror and need a second opinion. But there is a time and a place for asking this question. First of all you must ask someone you trust and who loves you. Not a stranger at the gym.

Rule number two is don't ask the question if there is no opportunity to change the outfit. This person had no other clothes with them so what were they going to do it I looked at them and said, "no, those cut off sweat pants make you look stumpy and they are too big." It would have been terrible for everyone. I don't mind giving my true opinion in a dressing room or at a store. I try to be constructive and offer alternates. Example: "You have such long legs I think you can really show them off better in these shorts." or "you must not realize how much weight you've lost, try a different size". See? Nicer but getting the point across.

The third rule is a good piece of Mom advice. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. I can't imagine this poor girl actually WANTED my opinion so I have to assume she was just fishing for compliments. At the gym. From a girl in a sweaty tank top and pants decorated with cat hair. Maybe she should find someone else for fashion advice next time.

*Yay me! I had my weigh in and I have lost 12 lbs since January! Rock On*

Quarter Life Crisis?

First of all, I totally cursed myself by writing about good sleep. Last night I was in that weird place where you know you're not asleep but you are definitely not awake. Until 4 AM. Yuck.

I enjoy a lot of different blogs but usually gravitate towards women with no kids in their late 20's. I mean their blogs, not them, well sometimes them, but not to date or anything, just reading their blogs... So some of them have been talking about this Quarter Life crisis thing. I feel like I need to capitalize it since anything with crisis in the title seems important. Unless you're a drama queen like me and my crisis' include running out of Popsicles, forgetting a hair band for the gym or having to choose between a Law & Order SVU rerun or a What Not to Wear rerun. But back to my point. I don't know if I've had this "Crisis" or not. I'll be 28 in May which seems a little close to 30 for my taste. Not that I think I'll hate 30 but it's become my imaginary goal to have my life "together" by then. I think I had the same problem at 25. My younger 18-21 year old self just figured that 25 year old Celia would have her shit together. No more money worries, career settled and going strong, the whole marriage thing down pat. But 25 came and went and I still felt like I was making it up as I went along. I constantly have the feeling that everyone else is totally together and I'm scurrying along wondering how the hell I got my "adult" card.

On the one hand I know that I have tons of great things in my life and I have grown A LOT since I was 22. I am married to my best friend, I have a house that I L-O-V-E love, I have three cats that I almost always remember to feed and water (just kidding Captain!). I have matured to the point where I am caring less about what the world thinks about me and more about what I think. I am MUCH better about communicating my needs and ideas instead of expecting people (mostly Captain Awesome) to read my mind and pouting when they don't. My marriage is stronger than ever and I am convinced we are willing to put in the time and work to keep it strong. I'm in a job I really enjoy which has made me look at what I like and don't like in a job/career.

So why do I still feel like I'm floundering? Every time I pay a bill late because we're short on money I feel like a failure. Every time I go out in public I still worry about my outfit being all wrong. I read about 22 year olds starting their own companies and being super successful. Is this a Quarter Life Crisis? Or is this regular neuroses that everyone has in one form or another? For the record no one in my life including the Captain, our families or friends has ever said anything that would make me believe they think I haven't met their expectations. It's all pressure I put on myself to meet imaginary goals at a time I've made up.

Generally I'm happy with life but these little doubts pop up every once in a while. Is it healthier to drive myself to meet these goals (and possibly make myself a basket case) or better to allow life to take me where ever I'm "meant" to go (which kind of feels like a cop out)? Maybe it's just one of those mysteries of life like "what's the sound of one hand clapping" or "how many run on sentences will I use in this post?"

I really did not mean this post to become so dramatic and re-reading it I sound more desperate/confused than I really am. I guess it's nice to get some validation that there are other 20 year olds out there that have these same feelings. Here are some of my goals for my 30 year old self. Hopefully I'll still be blogging and can look back on them either to laugh at my naivete or check them off.

By 30 I will:
-Have a savings account with more than $500 in it at all times
-Have paid off most of my debt
-Either be pregnant or have a time-line for having kids (don't be scared Captain!)
-Have saved enough or be close to having enough to buy a house we love
-Be able to leave the house without changing outfits a million times 75% of the time
-Continue to be healthy but accept my hips and belly as part of me
-Continue to cherish my husband and make time to tell him I love him every day
-Have a job I enjoy which challenges me but does not take over my life

Wish me luck!

Mmmm Sleep

The human body is so funny. You can go for weeks with just a little sleep and feel fine. But the minute you have a chance to sleep, Boom! you're down for the count. I went out for a drink on Friday and ended up leaving at 11. I got home, put on my PJ's and ear plugs and slept. It was amazing. I woke up about 6:30 and went immediately back to sleep. I finally woke up at 11:30. Almost 12 hours of sleep and I feel great. I got some errands run, cleaned the house and met a friend for a movie. We went to a coffee house for a drink and a snack. **I always get the Brie snack there. It's melted Brie topped with honey, walnuts and dried cranberries. You dip apples in this little puddle of heaven.** At 11 I was yawning and tired again! This morning I was up early, met some family for brunch and then walked around the Art Museum and Krohn conservatory. We got back about 4 and I haven't left the couch yet.

I have a hard time allowing myself to be lazy on the weekends. I always feel like there is a million things I should be doing. I get antsy thinking about piles of laundry, dishes, tumbleweeds of cat hair and toothpaste crusted sinks. I also punish myself for not cooking healthy and delicious meals instead of just steaming veggies or making popcorn. I should go to the gym or hike in a park or take advantage of the cultural oportunities of my city instead of watching TV and playing games on the computer. I don't know if this is a female thing or just me. As much as I complain I really do like a clean house and good meals and hiking. I just don't love taking responsibility and doing them. I guess someday I'll figure out relaxing vs. being industrious. Until then, I have a few more hours of Law & Order to watch.

PS Try the Green Giant "Healthy Option" veggies. They steam in the microwave and are aweome!

Too Much Information...Hurting My Brain

Yes it has now been 10 days since I last posted. My semi-excuse is I was busy traveling and helping with my sister's wedding but I didn't leave until April 2nd and got back on Monday. What was my problem the other days? One word: Procrastination. I had SO much I wanted to say about the wedding (beautiful and fun) and traveling (awful) and other stuff in general (whining) that I knew it would be a massive boring post. So I just put my fingers in my ears and hummed quietly while looking at shiny stuff.

So I'm going with my old standby-BULLET POINTS!!! Yeah!

WEDDING:

• This was one of the funnest weddings I have ever been to, great people, great DJ and perfectly planned by my mom and sister
• L (my sister) was a WONDERFUL bride. Not only was she gorgeous (damn her) but she was calm and friendly and made all her guests feel extremely welcome and special.
• C (her husband (!)) is a great guy and they are very compatible. He was charming and took time to talk to everyone.
  
• I got teared up watching his face when he saw L for the first time. They are obviously in love.
• Open bar + yummy steak AND chicken dinner=happy happy Celia
• Got to spend time with Captain Awesome!!!
• He was the MVP of the wedding
• There was a problem with L's wedding ring. She got it shipped to her and they messed up the order. Then the shipper (rhymes with MedMex) LOST the package on the Thursday before the wedding. After MANY phone calls, each one crabbier than the last we finally located the package at 1pm on the day of the wedding, which started at 5. Captain drove 30 miles in his suit in the rain and arrived in time for pictures at 3pm.
  
• My brother is an awesome dancer.
  
• My youngest sister (who is 20) is beautiful and fun. Many guys were hitting on her but no one made it through the screening process of her brother and two brother-in-laws. It was so sweet how protective of her they are.
• I think it should be a law that the last song of a wedding reception should be Shout. It gets everyone on the floor and ends on a high note.
• All the bridesmaids ditched their high heels for flip flops in the car on the way to the reception.

TRAVELING

• I hate flying. Not the "in the air" part but the waiting in a cold airport with no food, then waiting in line to get on the plane, then waiting on the plane, then waiting in line to get off the plane, then waiting to get your bags.
• Please don't suggest I carry bags on. I always pack too much and I hate carrying a bag. The faster the massive one ton suitcase gets out of my hands the better.
  
• I flew SkyBus....and got stuck in NC after they shut down on Saturday.
• My return ticket (one way) was more than my ticket on Skybus.
• I had huge delays on my return flight. To go from NC to OH took about 8 hours.
• I hate the DC airport.
• I hate eating at the airport-it's so expensive and it's not that good.
• Good News: I won't have to fly for at least 6 more months.
• Bless you people who travel for work. I would have gone crazy and started stabbing people a long time ago.

I made it home and have been playing catch-up. Although I had fun I got no sleep so I've been exhausted. And I had to return to my "adult" life of paying bills and doing chores. Yeah Me!