I Can't Believe I'm Still Complaining

I truely am happy to be in Wilmington with the Captain and our family. I love our new house and it has great potential for fun projects like replacing light fixtures and painting which I love. I got two weeks off to set up the house where I could sleep in (even though I didn't), eat whatever I want, hang out with my SIL, and veg out on the couch during the really hot days.

My FIL has some clients who are looking for a receptionist and I met with them yesterday. They offered me the job on the spot which was flattering. I can't believe I'm about to say this after my super complainy last post but...I don't think I want this job.
Pros: Easy work, off all weekends and holidays, small family-run business, casual dress (shorts and jeans every day!)
Cons: Hours are 7am to 4pm which means up at 5:15 every morning, not actually using my college degree, pay is much lower than I need, place is far out in the sticks, and the worst...
They don't use computers! No computers in the whole place. No email or internet for the entire day. I could look at it as a positive and cleanse myself of my additiction to the tubes and wires of the web. But right now my only reaction is NOOOOOO while waving my fists in to the sky.

I spoke to the owner and we agreed that I could work for about 4 weeks and then we could re-evaluate with no hard feelings. I will be out of the house and bringing a little money in. It will give them time to find someone who wants the job full time. And I may love it and be able to negotiate a higher salary. So I start Monday! What do I wear?!?

Am I Done Yet?

Even though this is my third move in 5 years I always seem to forget how hectic it is. I am a creaature of habit and having piles and boxes of stuff all over the house makes me a little crazy. We also hit a snag with some of the larger appliances in the house including hot water heater, refrigerator and dishwasher which means about 5 minutes of hot water a day, the only working refrigerator in the house is in the garage and no working dishwasher. They're getting taken care of and the Captain worked on the hot water tonight so hopefully that's fixed. But still.....

I had a little pity party today after I just got overwhelmed. I hate not contributing to the family finances and we just keep getting bills. I have applied for a bunch of jobs but I haven't heard back from anyone. On the other hand, there's no way I could be unpacking, cleaning and getting the utilities set up if I was also trying to work a new job. The Captain has been incredible and keeps assuring me that I am helping the family but it's still hard.

On a happier note we had an amazing weekend of seeing friends, going to a baby shower and hanging out with my family. It's so nice to just be able to drive a couple hours to see people instead of flying. The baby shower was for a friend from college and there were a couple other pregnant ladies there. It really makes me realize how much I want to have a baby. But then we're back to the whole "contributing financially to the family" thing.

We've got so many ideas and plans for the future that are all bouncing around, running into each other. We just have to figure out some way to align everything so it makes sense and has some kind of timeline. Like should the Captain go back to school now or later? Baby? Stay in Wilmington or move to an area with more work for the Captain? Should I go back to school? I know everyone goes through this and there's no "right" answer. Right now I'm just going to focus on unpacking, spending time with the Captain and walking on the beach.

New Address, Wilmington NC

It's been a 10 days. I could have blogged last week but I was overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I had to write about so, of course, I wrote nothing. I made it to Wilmington and due to some last minute and lucky aligning of the universe I was able to take Friday off (last Friday, the 23rd) so I could take care of some last minute details and hit the road.

My fantastically amazing Cincinnati friends kept offering me delicious food so I had three nights of "last dinners" which was sad but because we broke up into smaller groups I was able to spend time with all of them. And it gave me an excuse to break up the massive house scrub and drink some wine. While I don't mind straightening a house and prefer to keep my house clean-ish I can tell you that I will never be able to fall back on a career as a housekeeper. I'm too happy to sweep a dust bunny back under the couch than actually pick it up. And if you come visit, please don't judge me for the amount of dust on the taller cabinets I can't see.

The reunion with the Captain was everything I hoped for and more. We were staying at his parents for the weekend until the movers came on Monday so pretty much all we did was sleep late, eat tasty but unhealthy foods, take a nap, more food and then a movie or TV if we weren't otherwise "occupied". I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that this isn't just a visit but that I get to see him EVERY day!

Monday the movers came and we stood in the front yard and checked off boxes and directed where things should go. Turns out pale kids like the Captain and myself should not be morons and wear sunscreen. I was wearing a tank top and got a red nose and shoulders but poor Captain got a raging farmer's tan/burn.

Tuesday the Captain and I packed up all the stuff he had at his parent's house and carried it (in the 80 degree weather with humidity) and carried it over to the new house. I really wanted to spend the night that night so we worked on our bedroom and bathroom. The Captain's parents were so sweet to let us (and three wild cats) stay with them but I have to admit there's nothing better than collapsing into your own queen-size bed with your pillows and snuggly husband beside you.

Wednesday the Captain had to go back to work so we would have a little money and I unpacked boxes for about 8 hours straight. I got most things done except for the formal living room which is right now a home for about a million empty boxes and anything we don't know what to do with. We did get internet so yay! That night I met the Captain and some work friends to watch them play beach volleyball. I wanted to make a good impression so I actually did something to my hair and wore a cute outfit. And then I got to the location and it was cold and drizzling and everyone else had gym clothes on. So I met a bunch of new people in a ratty sweatshirt I had in my car and super frizzy hair. At least we were all in the same boat. It was fun and nice to put faces to names the Captain had been talking about for three months.

Today I met the cable guy (yay, tv!) and ran a bunch of errands. We're going to an out-of-town baby shower and then to stay with my parents on Saturday so I needed to get things somewhat organized.

I'm feeling pretty happy about the whole situation and except for a refrigerator that is not getting cold and drips water into a bucket that has to be emptied every 10 hours, the house is great and I have a huge closet.

Next on the list, operation "Find C a job so she stops going to Target and spending all our non-existent money"

Ok, New Plan....

Instead of freaking out on my blog I'll have really supportive friends and family rally around me and help me get things done while making me laugh, buying me drinks and taking my mind off everything. My good friend came in town and ran errands for me, cleaned out my freezer and poured strawberry margaritas down my throat. My online friends sent me nice messages of support.

So I'm ahead of my list, relaxed and have two new amazing pairs of jeans in my closet. Nice.

Busy as a Stressed Out and Crabby Bee

First I want to thank everyone who's been commenting on my little corner of the web. When I started this thing it was really just for my amusement. I can't describe how nice it is having a little positive reinforcement. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

In one week I will be moving 4 states away. Due to a few shitty issues coming up at the same time I will be taking only one day off from work and will be working 1/2 day the morning I drive to NC. Also, I have maybe overscheduled myself a smidge during the next week. Here's my schedule:
Friday:
-work
-best friend comes in town
-dress up to see Jen Lancaster! I'm so excited! (Do you like how I act like we have a special dinner planned instead of sitting with a million other people at a book store while I try not to act like an ass when she signs my book?)
-drink strawberry margaritas at my house until our tongues turn red or we pass out
Saturday:
-Best friend leaves (boo)
-Take clothes to Goodwill
-Return Library books
-Clean out car
-Going Away Party (!) with lots of drinks (yay!)
Sunday:
-Pack suitcase to last me a week including but not limited to grungy cleaning/moving clothes, two nicer work outfits, interview suit and a bathing suit (since I'm moving to the beach!)
-Put everything I don't want packed by movers in a closet
-Clean house
-Run last minute errands like buying book on tape for drive and cat food for starving kitties
-Wash sheets on guest bed
Monday:
-Work all day
-Ship cable box and internet back to Time Warner (Nooo, mai preshus!)
-Make dish for last book club ever
-Get guest room ready
-Clean out fridge/freezer
-Possibly do some yard work IF IT EVER STOPS RAINING
Tuesday:
-Work all day
-Race to last book club ever
-Meet aunt and uncle at my house
Wednesday:
-Get up at super early hour to say good-bye to aunt and uncle
-Meet movers
-Cleaning up dirty floors, a million cat toys and tumbleweeds of cat hair as movers lift heavy furniture that has not moved since movers put furniture into my house
-Check into hotel
Thursday:
-Work all day (7:00 am to 5:00 pm)
-Go back to house to finish cleaning
Friday:
-Work 1/2 day (6:00 am to 12:00 pm)
-Pick up cats, load car and drive 11 hours to NC!

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Notice I have no time for paralyzing feelings of inadequacy, sadness at leaving amazing friends, sleep, lying awake for the hours of 2am to 5am thinking about all the things I'm forgetting, feeling guilty for leaving cats in house with no furniture, etc. which has been taking up most of my time the past three days. I just moved in February of 07 and yet I had forgotten how unsettling this all is. I'm mood swinging every hour between "oh, this is cake" to "HOLY CRAP THIS IS HARD!"

Basically this super long post is an excuse for why you (and of course I mean you, the internet) may not hear from me until next week. Or next month.
Send help.

Midwest Spring?

I've lived here for over a year now. I experienced Spring last year, in this house. But I don't remember this weather. I guess I'm spoiled by living in the South but shouldn't it be warm by now? I'm positive I spent most of my birthdays with my friends and family at the lake, eating fried chicken, brownie cake and swimming. I have pictures of everyone in bathing suits.

So why is is 47 degrees right now??? This is not bathing suit weather! My birthday is next week and it's not going to be bathing suit weather then either. Saturday was nice and warm. I sat outside in shorts and a tank top. Sunday was in the 60's and raining. This morning it was 40 with a high of 67 this afternoon. Is this normal? Is everyone used to a spring where you wear flannel pajamas to bed? Where you wear a tank-top under a short-sleeved shirt under a jacket with jeans and sandals. I'm cold by nature but I absolutely refuse to turn my heat on in the middle of May. So I've got extra quilts on my bed and haven't put my winter clothes in storage. But my office has the AC on since it's "spring".

Don't worry, in a few weeks I'll be in NC whining about the heat. But right now, I'm looking forward to it.

**Only 3 more days until I get to meet Jen Lancaster! My best friend is coming up, we're putting on our fancy dresses, having some drinks and preparing to laugh our asses off! Squee!

I'm Done

It has been raining all day. Not a single minute without the tap, tap, tap of rain on the sky lights. There's little rivlets of water in the basement. I can't go outside and walk around. I could go shopping but I'm saving all my pennies for the move. So I've been in the house all day. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a lazy day of watching TV. But I still feel a little anxious about the move and it's killing me that I can't really DO anything right now. The things I need to pack are the things going in the car with me. And if I have to pack them in the car it means it's stuff I need every day. I wish the movers were coming tomorrow. I'm super ready to see my husband and start living as a married couple again. Bah Humbug.
I need more ice cream cake.

Happy Friday!

You know what makes a rainy Friday afternoon of a super long week a little better?

Unexpected Ice Cream Cake! And it was delicious.

Gifts

Mother's Day is this weekend and I've been thinking about what to get my mom and mother-in-law. People have very different ideas about what's a "good" gift. Obviously preferences and tastes will vary. My mom hates shopping and always asks for practical gifts. For example, one year she wanted a new deviled egg plate. I don't know why but we've always given her nightgowns as gifts also. I guess because she wears them and when we were little she would give up buying something for herself so that we could have new clothes. She also has a favorite candy that we buy her. My MIL has a rule that none of her gifts can have electric cords. I think it's because my FIL loves tools and would buy her gadgets every year if he could. Also, she has two sons. My sister-in-law gets her beautiful jewelry now that she's old enough to shop on her own.

My birthday is at the end of the month so I'm also thinking about gifts for me. My idea of a good gift is something that I wouldn't normally buy for myself. Although I LOVE getting flowers and candy is always appreciated the traditional romantic gifts are not necessarily my favorite. The Captain is great at remembering little things I mentioned that I wanted and now forgot. Also, since he grew up with the "no cords" rule he is great at getting me sparkly, pretty things. My sisters have amazing style and their gifts to me are always something I love but would never think to get for myself. My brother makes great mix CD's and blends my nerdy favorites with cool new stuff. Last year he included the Fraggle Rock theme song and Frank Sinatra along with The Killers , The White Stripes and The Rolling Stones. How could you not love it?

I think we all have that one friend or family member that gets us the crazy gift every year. The one that makes you say "Really? That's what you think I like?" (in your mind of course). I had a great aunt that used to get everyone wild stuff including finger cymbals, bonsai golf course, toy accordion and glow in the dark pillow cases. And I know, it's the thought that counts and I should be happy I get gifts at all and there are people all over the world who dream about having a glow in the dark pillow case. (See with the sarcasm people? No angry letter please)

My biggest gift is seeing Captain Awesome again. And since we haven't sold the house and I have no job lined up in NC we will be very tight on money so I don't really expect anything big. But I can dream right? So here's my dream list:
1. New vacuum cleaner-especially a pet hair one. Our vacuum is the Captain's from his college apartment, 9 years ago. It's a little beat up and was recently used to clean up from a toilet repair job so when used it has a musty smell.
2. Luggage. We got some when we were married but we have worn it out. Our favorite bag has broken wheels and holes in it.
3. Running Shoes. I want some nice ones and since I've actually been using them at the gym instead of to run errands they are getting a little gross.
4. Blender. One word....Margaritas! and Milk Shakes (ok, three words)
5. Trips with the Captain. Anywhere and any time.

So what are your dream gifts?

Cringe-Worthy

Scene: me driving alone in my car, attempting to sing along to the Wicked soundtrack (which has been in my CD player for months now because, again, the obsessions.)

Me: Hmm, kind of a boring day. What should I have for dinner? Why is my voice not even close to as awesome as Kristin Chenworth? Oh look, someone walking their dog. I better be sure not to run them over with my car.
Brain: Oh yeah. Remember that time in college when you were walking to class and you totally ate it on the sidewalk in front of everyone?
Me: Wha?!?
Brain: You remember, it was a nice day around lunch and you were wearing black platform heels to climb mountains?
Me: Oh My God, why would you bring this back to me? Really, black platform heels?
Brain: Heehee, remember when that car actually pulled over to make sure you were ok since a crowd gathered around your sprawled body?
Me: No, I have no memories of that. *puts hands over ears* let's talk about something else.
Brain: But what about our trip down memory lane?
Me: I'm going to go home to sit in a dark room. Thanks Brain.

Please internet friends, reassure me that I'm not the only crazy person around who randomly remembers my most embarrassing moments? And it's never really related to what's going on around me. The other day while sweeping the kitchen floor I remembered a time during my catering days when a dinner I was in charge of was late and the guests were all standing in a long line waiting for the food.

Why brain why? Why do I never remember the good hair days or the sunshine picnics when unicorns jumped over rainbows? Ah yes, the crazy. Never letting me down for 27 years.

P.S. Hi new people the beautiful Janet sent over! It is sad but true and also embarrassing. The Red Power Ranger (Jason, to his friends) was one of my childhood crushes.

Gimme More

When I find something I like I go a little crazy. Whether it's a person, a place, a TV show or especially food. Obviously I have some impulse issues. Sometimes my obsessions can be helpful. Like when I met Captain Awesome and I wanted to be around him all the time and eventually tricked him into marrying me. Or like when I got into going to the gym. I threw myself into it and went 5 to 6 times a week. Sometimes it doesn't affect things like when I started watching Girl's Next Door and TiVo'd every episode and was online "researching" the show.

And then there's food. I like a lot of variety in my diet but I easily get into ruts. Like the time I bought several pounds of cherries and ate them in one afternoon, by myself. Needless to say I was a tad uncomfortable that evening and did a tiny bit of whining and complaining (read: a lot...no, more than that). Captain Awesome has encouraged me to not buy quite so many cherries at one time. After my first delectable bite of Tandorri chicken I was hooked. I begged Captain to eat Indian many times per week and may have pouted a little when he forced me to eat something else.

So this weekend watermelon was 39 cents per pound at the store. (Can you see where this is going?) I got a watermelon "filet" (seriously, it's called a filet! I think because it's a big piece of watermelon with the rind cut off. The name alone sold me). I got home, cut it up and put it in a large tupperware container so I could eat it throughout the week. But I had some time before I was supposed to meet some friends so I ate a little bit. And when I got home I had a little more. And I had it for breakfast on Sunday. And as my mid-morning snack, and for lunch. And.....
Do I need to go on? I had eaten it all in two days. But I still want more. Excuse me, I have to go somewhere.

Doormat or Good Friend

There is a big range on the friend scale. Starting with people that you see regularly, maybe at work, but you don't really make plans with. Working in a big company there are plenty of people I make small talk with on the elevator and meet for the occasional lunch but we never see each other outside of work. Then there are old friends that have seen you through the awkward years of childhood or teens and have seen and accepted all the changes that come with growing up. These people you can see after two years and conversation just flows. They're almost like family.

But between the casual and the intimate there is a big gray area. Everyone knows it gets trickier to meet people the older you get. There's a divide between singles, marrieds and people with kids. Not to say you can't be friends with people in the other category but there is a comfort in knowing someone is going through the same things you are. Most people meet friends through work or by joining clubs. Sometimes you are introduced by a spouse or another friend. Ofter you see them in a big group for a while. Then you have the awkward friend first date when you get together one on one to see if you actually like each other. If you do, then you make time in your schedule to meet or talk or just keep in contact.

When we moved to Cincinnati, Captain Awesome made friends quickly with the people he worked with. I was slower in meeting people but I put myself out there and joined a couple book clubs, made an effort to get out of the house and slowly, I formed a circle of friends that I really enjoy. My book club has introduced me to women that make me laugh and teach me new things. We are diverse enough that there is always at least one person up for an activity. I have been to some amazing restaurants and been able to explore Cincinnati thanks to these amazing women.

And then there's this other friend. I'll call her Jewel for the sake of the story. I met Jewel because her husband worked with the Captain. Before I was working I would meet him and some co-workers for lunch and one time she came. She had a flexible schedule and seemed nice so we exchanged numbers. We did things together and although on paper we seemed like a good match, we had a lot of differences. And not the good kind. I didn't like the way she and her husband would fight constantly when we met them for dinner. I didn't agree with her conservative values. I felt like she was always trying to prove how cosmopolitan and sophisticated she was. But I had no idea how to get out of this friendship. She didn't really have many friends in town and I sometimes had a good time when we got together. She is really good hearted. She was always willing to take care of the cats when we went on vacation and was super supportive after the Captain left.

So what to do? I don't think it's worth it to hurt her feelings especially since I'm leaving in a month and will most likely not keep in touch. But I am annoyed with her constant calls. Because I am a wuss and hate to say no I feel pressured into meeting with her even though I don't want to. I childishly screen her calls and make up excuses. I don't have answers and probably won't figure it out. I will probably meet with her a couple more times before I leave and will give myself a time limit so I can gracefully leave. So am I being a doormat by not addressing the problems and standing up to her, or am I being nice and letting this relationship die naturally.

The one thing I do know is that I won't let my issues with Jewel affect my friendship with my book club friends. I will continue to have fun and laugh and eat with them. I hope I will be able to stay in touch with them and I hope I can take their senses of adventure with me to NC and use it to meet more friends.

Finally!

Captain Awesome and I had a long talk last week. We weighed everything out, pros and cons, and decided that is was no longer worth it for me to stay in Cincinnati. After looking at a calendar we decided that I will move down to NC the week before Memorial day. I'm super excited for our little family to be reunited. Luckily, the Captain's job is paying for movers to pack all our stuff and get it to NC. We will be renting a house in NC so the movers can take things directly from here to there and we won't need to store anything. So, Yay!

I've been alternating between happiness and oh my god I'm moving across the country in a month. I feel like I've got things under control but then I think of fifty million more things I need to do before the move. Of course the Captain is doing what he can and getting the house set up down there which is very helpful. And the fact that I don't have to pack or lift anything makes me smiley. I have a notebook full of lists and made a calendar of when I should do different things like canceling utilites and forwarding the mail. There is also a list of what is going in the car with me including 3 cats and 2 litter boxes. Yet I'm still feeling anxious.

My parents have volunteered to come up and help. Also, the Captain has talked about flying up. But it just doesn't make sense considering how high gas prices (and airfare) are getting. When we moved to Cincy, Captain was up here about a month before me so I coordinated the move and everything was fine so in my brain I know I can do it with a minimum of fuss. But still.... It's nice to have someone there just in case. Someone to help with the disgusting cleaning that has to be done after all the furniture is moved out. Someone to help wrangle the cats into their crates and talk over their complaining. Someone to ride with me and get gas on the 12 hour drive. Instead I'll have to trick my friends and maybe some relatives to come help me. Then pop in a book on CD and just go for it.

I swear I did not plan for this to be a pity party. I've reached my whining limit for the month and I'm not really upset or sad about any of this. I feel like a kid waiting for my birthday and moving day just can't come fast enough. Patience has never been my strong suit. As soon as I decide to do something I just want to make it happen. I've scheduled lots of activities plus I'll work up until the end so hopefully that will distract me. So count down to moving day begins now, T minus 22 days. NC or Bust!

Nerd Alert

Most of you know by now I am giant nerd. I love the library and love trying new styles and authors. Recently I've been on a culinary kick and been reading biographies of chefs and histories of food. Last time I was wandering the library I noticed a title that jogged my memory. Keeping with my nerdiness theme I listen to NPR probably too much. I heard this author talking about the book and was super interested, then promptly forgot about it. It's not a work of great literature that has a global theme and will teach me about myself.

It's All the Presidents' Pastries by Roland Mesnier. Yes, I am reading a book about desserts in the White House. And the really sad part? I LOVE it. I was up until midnight reading it and brought it to work so I could read more at lunch.

Chef Mesnier was raised poor in France and traveled all over the world learning about desserts. His specialty is spun sugar and he can craft it into any shape. So far he has talked about the Carters and the Reagans but I'm only halfway through. He doesn't talk about politics but more about personalities. I highly recommend it.

And my book club book for Tuesday, is sitting sadly on my night stand where I've abandoned it for red, white and blue sorbets and French pastries.

I Take it All Back

I was re-reading my last post and ended up making myself mad. I fell into the oldest stupidest trap in the book, acting like the dumb girl to get some laughs. While I admit to telling some "dumb blond" jokes in my day I never think watching a woman pretend to be stupid is funny. I make lots of mistakes in every day life but overall, I do a damn good job of it all.

I'm proud of how I've kept myself together for basically four months of living by myself. I've NEVER lived by myself before and the fact that I keep a medium sized house, work 40 hours a week and take care of three cats on my own is awesome. I do yard work (rake leaves, mow grass, trim bushes) and work inside the house. With help I re-caulked the tub. I have to keep the place nice for prospective buyers and I do it! Even though I hate to vacuum I do it once a week. I don't let laundry pile up and I pick up the house every night.

I have been strict about going to the gym and try to make nutritious meals for myself. Although I do eat in front of the TV I eat steamed veggies and Popsicles instead of junk. Ok, some junk but who really counts Cheetos as junk? I feed the cats twice a day and scoop the litter. I keep them and myself on a regular schedule so we're all happier. I run errands, go grocery shopping and return my library books on time.

I have learned a lot about our finances and pay almost all the bills. Captain Awesome sends me money to put into our account but I use most of my paycheck and I write the checks and mail them. I budget eating out and haven't bought new clothes in a while.

I have had my sad moments but have kept my eye on the goal of selling the house and getting settled in NC with Captain Awesome. I try not to let a bad mood ruin my day. I have gotten over my fear of being alone and actually enjoy my weekends when I can read in silence for hours.

There are still lots of unknowns and while they can sometimes be overwhelming I don't let them get to me. I just keep doing what I'm doing and embrace each new challenge as it comes up. I am still in awe of people who figure these lessons out early in life or who are forced to confront their fears. I have so much respect for army wives who go through this every year.

I will not be the "little ol' me" female stereotype anymore or downplay my accomplishments. I rock! Go me!

Reasons I Should Not Live Alone

After almost 5 months of Captain Awesome and I living in separate states I have learned that I cannot handle the responsibility of my own life. Here's a few reasons...

-I sleep through natural disasters. I live in Cincinnati where lots of people felt the earthquake last Friday. I have three cats that love to play and chase each other in the early morning. If they think I'm awake they will dog pile on top of me and cry because even though their food dish is full they need MORE and RIGHT NOW or FIVE MINUTE AGO. Since they have resisted my attempts to teach them to tell time and you just can't reason with them, I pretend to be asleep to trick my cats. (I'm pathetic). When I felt the bed move I assumed that one or more cats had jumped up so I played possum and went back to sleep. Honestly, I'm still not sure if it was the cats or an earthquake. I possibly should add some Diet cat food to my grocery list.

-I forget to buy important stuff on my grocery list. I pass PetSmart every day AND was at the grocery on Sunday and I STILL forgot to buy food for the only other things, besides myself, I am responsible for. Last night I used the last of the cat food and thought "better remember to stop at PetSmart tomorrow night." This morning I looked at the cabinet where the food is kept reminded myself "Get food at PetSmart on the way home today!" Guess what happened. Guess who didn't remember until after she mowed the lawn and was a sweaty beast in shorts and a tank top? Guess who was guilted into going to the Kroger so her poor spoiled, earthquake-like babies didn't miss one meal?

-I hate being alone when I'm sick. I got an awful cold last weekend. Since I'm a drama queen we'll call it the Death Cold. I thought it was allergies but my throat hurt and I had a fever, wah. I was miserable and was forced to call Captain Awesome and try to convince him to drive 14 hours to bring me some orange Gatorade and Ginger Ale, and some soup, and some candy, and a movie. After two days of moaning and no sleep I finally took the Captain's advice and went to a Doc-In-the-Box kind of place. I cried in the waiting room because everyone else had someone with them and then the doctor didn't take my complaint seriously enough. (Actually he was very nice and gave me some awesome drugs but he did not hug me and offer me a cold washcloth for my head and drive me home and pick up my perscriptions at the Kroger which, come on, that seemed like the NICE response to poor pitiful me).

-I can't be trusted with perscription drugs. In my defense I was sick (you have to say it in a sad but very whiny voice). I did not really listen to the pharmacists instructions for the various pills and potions she gave me. I took everything as soon as I got home which was sweet relief. Then I was confused by labels that said take every 12 hours. Should I wake up at 2:30 am to comply with instructions or just start fresh the next day? And when the cough syrup says it may make me drowsy, how drowsy is it? Turns out VERY drowsy and should not be taken after midnight when you have to get to work at 8am the next day. You will be high at work for several hours.

And that brings us to today. I actually did clean the kitchen, weed the front beds and vacuum yesterday. Today I did laundry and mowed the lawn so I have proved that I'm not a total failure as a grown-up. Or maybe I'm just getting better at faking it.

Shaking My Fist at the Sky

I'm sick. It's gross and my throat hurts and I feel like crap. Although I do have the sexy deep voice, that is only a little bit ruined by a hacking cough. Come on over boys! I am a huge baby when I'm sick so I've been lying on the couch eating junk and moaning.

Of course the weather is beautiful and I can see the sun shining on my pile of Kleenexes. I wish I could go outside and mow my jungle-like grass and admire my tulips but for right now I'm going to watch my 1 millionth episode of Law & Order and maybe take another nap.

Does This Look Ok?

Last night at the gym someone asked me this question about their work-out outfit. It was extremely awkward and weird. I (of course) gave the safe, nice answer of "It looks cute" with a lot of smiling and nodding. And then running away.

Everyone has asked that question at least once in their lives. Or there are people who need constant validation and ask their husbands this question every time they leave the house. And after getting the answer "You look nice" follow it up with an even more annoying question, "Just nice?". I would not know anything about these people and Captain Awesome doesn't either, so don't worry about asking him.

In general this is not a bad question to ask. Sometimes you just can't tell if the outfit you put together is a fashion risk or just scary. Sometimes you really can't see your ass in a dressing room mirror and need a second opinion. But there is a time and a place for asking this question. First of all you must ask someone you trust and who loves you. Not a stranger at the gym.

Rule number two is don't ask the question if there is no opportunity to change the outfit. This person had no other clothes with them so what were they going to do it I looked at them and said, "no, those cut off sweat pants make you look stumpy and they are too big." It would have been terrible for everyone. I don't mind giving my true opinion in a dressing room or at a store. I try to be constructive and offer alternates. Example: "You have such long legs I think you can really show them off better in these shorts." or "you must not realize how much weight you've lost, try a different size". See? Nicer but getting the point across.

The third rule is a good piece of Mom advice. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. I can't imagine this poor girl actually WANTED my opinion so I have to assume she was just fishing for compliments. At the gym. From a girl in a sweaty tank top and pants decorated with cat hair. Maybe she should find someone else for fashion advice next time.

*Yay me! I had my weigh in and I have lost 12 lbs since January! Rock On*

Quarter Life Crisis?

First of all, I totally cursed myself by writing about good sleep. Last night I was in that weird place where you know you're not asleep but you are definitely not awake. Until 4 AM. Yuck.

I enjoy a lot of different blogs but usually gravitate towards women with no kids in their late 20's. I mean their blogs, not them, well sometimes them, but not to date or anything, just reading their blogs... So some of them have been talking about this Quarter Life crisis thing. I feel like I need to capitalize it since anything with crisis in the title seems important. Unless you're a drama queen like me and my crisis' include running out of Popsicles, forgetting a hair band for the gym or having to choose between a Law & Order SVU rerun or a What Not to Wear rerun. But back to my point. I don't know if I've had this "Crisis" or not. I'll be 28 in May which seems a little close to 30 for my taste. Not that I think I'll hate 30 but it's become my imaginary goal to have my life "together" by then. I think I had the same problem at 25. My younger 18-21 year old self just figured that 25 year old Celia would have her shit together. No more money worries, career settled and going strong, the whole marriage thing down pat. But 25 came and went and I still felt like I was making it up as I went along. I constantly have the feeling that everyone else is totally together and I'm scurrying along wondering how the hell I got my "adult" card.

On the one hand I know that I have tons of great things in my life and I have grown A LOT since I was 22. I am married to my best friend, I have a house that I L-O-V-E love, I have three cats that I almost always remember to feed and water (just kidding Captain!). I have matured to the point where I am caring less about what the world thinks about me and more about what I think. I am MUCH better about communicating my needs and ideas instead of expecting people (mostly Captain Awesome) to read my mind and pouting when they don't. My marriage is stronger than ever and I am convinced we are willing to put in the time and work to keep it strong. I'm in a job I really enjoy which has made me look at what I like and don't like in a job/career.

So why do I still feel like I'm floundering? Every time I pay a bill late because we're short on money I feel like a failure. Every time I go out in public I still worry about my outfit being all wrong. I read about 22 year olds starting their own companies and being super successful. Is this a Quarter Life Crisis? Or is this regular neuroses that everyone has in one form or another? For the record no one in my life including the Captain, our families or friends has ever said anything that would make me believe they think I haven't met their expectations. It's all pressure I put on myself to meet imaginary goals at a time I've made up.

Generally I'm happy with life but these little doubts pop up every once in a while. Is it healthier to drive myself to meet these goals (and possibly make myself a basket case) or better to allow life to take me where ever I'm "meant" to go (which kind of feels like a cop out)? Maybe it's just one of those mysteries of life like "what's the sound of one hand clapping" or "how many run on sentences will I use in this post?"

I really did not mean this post to become so dramatic and re-reading it I sound more desperate/confused than I really am. I guess it's nice to get some validation that there are other 20 year olds out there that have these same feelings. Here are some of my goals for my 30 year old self. Hopefully I'll still be blogging and can look back on them either to laugh at my naivete or check them off.

By 30 I will:
-Have a savings account with more than $500 in it at all times
-Have paid off most of my debt
-Either be pregnant or have a time-line for having kids (don't be scared Captain!)
-Have saved enough or be close to having enough to buy a house we love
-Be able to leave the house without changing outfits a million times 75% of the time
-Continue to be healthy but accept my hips and belly as part of me
-Continue to cherish my husband and make time to tell him I love him every day
-Have a job I enjoy which challenges me but does not take over my life

Wish me luck!

Mmmm Sleep

The human body is so funny. You can go for weeks with just a little sleep and feel fine. But the minute you have a chance to sleep, Boom! you're down for the count. I went out for a drink on Friday and ended up leaving at 11. I got home, put on my PJ's and ear plugs and slept. It was amazing. I woke up about 6:30 and went immediately back to sleep. I finally woke up at 11:30. Almost 12 hours of sleep and I feel great. I got some errands run, cleaned the house and met a friend for a movie. We went to a coffee house for a drink and a snack. **I always get the Brie snack there. It's melted Brie topped with honey, walnuts and dried cranberries. You dip apples in this little puddle of heaven.** At 11 I was yawning and tired again! This morning I was up early, met some family for brunch and then walked around the Art Museum and Krohn conservatory. We got back about 4 and I haven't left the couch yet.

I have a hard time allowing myself to be lazy on the weekends. I always feel like there is a million things I should be doing. I get antsy thinking about piles of laundry, dishes, tumbleweeds of cat hair and toothpaste crusted sinks. I also punish myself for not cooking healthy and delicious meals instead of just steaming veggies or making popcorn. I should go to the gym or hike in a park or take advantage of the cultural oportunities of my city instead of watching TV and playing games on the computer. I don't know if this is a female thing or just me. As much as I complain I really do like a clean house and good meals and hiking. I just don't love taking responsibility and doing them. I guess someday I'll figure out relaxing vs. being industrious. Until then, I have a few more hours of Law & Order to watch.

PS Try the Green Giant "Healthy Option" veggies. They steam in the microwave and are aweome!